Your emergency room analogy is a very apt one. I see it the same way. I often think of couples going through this as being in the emergency room triage and generally speaking the betrayed spouse is often the one needing the most care and attention first.
So here is a bit of hope, I am 17 months from discovery and honestly doing well, I now know this isn't something you "get over" it is something that becomes integrated, we still talk about it at times, but without the pain, I rarely have triggers and if I do, I know why and how to process them, I no longer live in fear or what if's.
I'm at 16 months myself and I'm doing fairly well. I agree this isn't something you just "get over," but instead learn to integrate. However this is where we diverge. We still talk about it quite often, and there's definitely still some pain. I still have triggers and I'm still learning how to process them. It's been difficult for me on that end, but there's a possible explanation for that I may share in another thread eventually.
On a positive, like you, I no longer live in fear of the "what ifs."
My husband and I have a marriage now that is stronger and more connected than it has ever been, do I wish we got here without him making devastating choices, of course, but we are here and I love the life I have now.
This does describe my wife and I as well. I do love the life and the marriage we have now, but that dark shadow of the affair still hangs over me and affects me still sometimes. I don't know what all happened with your discovery day, but mine was brutal. It's considered a "hostile discovery." I put up with a lot for that first month before I'd had enough and started calling divorce lawyers right in front of my wife. That really changed the dynamics of what was happening at the time, but it really left some pretty deep scars. I think that's why I'm still struggling somewhat. Tho things have greatly improved between us.
Apologies for long post but if you are still reading, is recovery possible YES is a healthy marriage possibly YES is healing possible YES (no matter what the outcome of the marriage)
This was not an overly long post at all, and I for one really appreciate the update. I might be lagging behind you a bit, but I do believe recovery will be possible and we are reworking our marriage into a healthy one. I'm still working on the healing part, but I do believe it's within my grasp. The average time for recovery is often stated to be 2 to 5 years. I'm still well within that window and things are improving, so I'm very hopeful. Despite the hostile discovery I had, my wife has proven to be a model for reconciliation and her shift has gone a very long way toward my healing. I'm very happy to read about your rapid recovery and I hope things continue down this positive path for you. Thanks for the update!
[This message edited by Pogre at 12:49 PM, Wednesday, August 12th]
