SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I have not posted for a little while. My spouse had an online affair but far far more has come to light since. He is certainly a gift that keeps on giving - more like a stink bomb than a lovely present from your mom.

My respect for him has diminished and tbh I just see him as a rather pathetic individual.

I am unsure if he is cruel, narcissistic, psychotic, selfish or stupid. Maybe a mixture. But it’s pretty irrelevant tbh. I don’t think he’ll ever get what he’s searching for. He may get a disease but I doubt he’ll get a fulfilling relationship unless he sorts himself out. But I can’t control that. Its pathetic. Maybe it suits him to be this way. I can only assume it does.

It’s clear what I thought I / we had was nonsense.

So I am in a better place psychologically. I can function. Yet I’m still distracted at times by it. I’ve had therapy and I’m not sure that more would be right at this time.

What things can I do to try and help me further. I am in a bit of a rut again. My social circle is pretty big. I am an extrovert and am finding myself again. But I’m clearly not back to being me. I have a few interests and I’m so much better at seeing emotional stuff clearly. I’ve done a lot of work on flooding and breathing before I panic etc.

In a way I wish I could sit with you guys in real life, laugh, cry and listen to you all. I bet you all have some great ideas!

So small suggestions or big suggestions - all appreciated. I want to feel happier, more at peace, fulfilled. Etc. My motivation is a bit scatty for example and I was very motivated prior to this shit show. Hints and tips would be great. I’m over 4 years but plenty of trickle truth more like a longstanding dripping tap than a trickle.

Probably at this point, a lot of the healing would lie in expansion. Letting things go provides new space for this. It sounds like you are letting go of your husband, which is a big deal.

Having lots of people to rely on is good, do you have people in that you share a deeper connection with? Expansion in some of those chosen relarionships can be helpful—it offers multitudes of ways of getting emotional needs met.

I know this is going to sound irrelevant but hobbies are very healing. They instill a sense of purpose, offer time in flow state, provide learning opportunities, a sense of accomplishment, and can increase inner knowing and confidence.

Self care. Listening to our own needs and lovingly fulfilling those things provide a nurturing that is needed when you feel emotionally sore. Listen to your body. Rest. Eat well, get exercise. Touch grass. Buy some clothes you love to wear.

Connect with your inner child and play. Also I found that there were profound clues about myself in childhood that when I reflect on those things gave some really good information about what I might like to try, be, feel, experience.

In other words, focus on yourself, expand so you feel whole all in your own (you may have already started to feel that way). Be self directed in a way marriage hasn’t allowed and be patient with yourself- healing is not linear.

[This message edited by hikingout at 7:51 PM, Wednesday, September 16th]