SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Sept 18 I finally discovered what the "hints" my husband of 26 years, together for 31, has been leaving my were really about.

In the seat of daughter’s car (she is in studying in Europe this semster) I found a wrapper for the generic cialis, cash, and a go pro camera. What I found on that camera were 4 videos of my husband with sex workers performing various acts on my husband. One of which was just from the day before. Weeks earlier I had found text messages on his phone and seemed to be between him and other sex workers, but nothing specifically sexual.

Im just so sad and gutted. I don’t know how to proceed. My husband is seemingly devastated, and I know he was looking for me to find out. I’m just trying to start figuring out life now.

We have three children, the youngest two in college and the oldest working his professional job and studying for law school. I haven’t told anyone and I don’t know if I will. I’ve reached out to some local support groups. But I feel like a shell of myself.

Jaime,

I am so sorry this happened to you. Welcome to the best club no one ever wanted to join.

There are a few things you can do right now, since you’re in such early days.

1) get tested for STDs. Make him get tested, and make him show you the results (not tell you.)

2) make sure to eat. If you have no appetite, try protein shakes or power bars. Stay hydrated and get as much exercise you can, it will make you feel better and help you sleep. Low intensity exercise lowers cortisol, so just a long walk will help.

3) talk to a doctor if you need sleeping aids, or anti-anxiety / anti-depression medications.

4) talk to a lawyer. This is just for informational purposes at this point. Just to know what your rights are, to know what a divorce might look like. Having the information will remove one source of uncertainty, and that alone is worth the consultation. Many law firms do the first consultation for free.

5) get a therapist - one who specializes in betrayal trauma

6) he needs to get a therapist too. He may have a sex addiction.

7) eschew marriage counseling at this point.

8) ask him for a written timeline detailing all of his infidelity. Who what when where etc. When he’s done, you can ask him to take a polygraph to prove to you that he’s being honest.

9) you don’t have to do this alone. You can talk to a close friend, or a sibling, or a parent. They will support you - just ask yourself, wouldn’t you do the same if the situation was reversed? You have nothing to be embarrassed about, though that is one of the most common reactions. Totally normal, but believe me, the shame is his, not yours.

It’s so early. Just know that you will survive this, and we are here for you.