Hi ctt,
Don’t know your story yet, but it sounded to me like a contract negotiation.
I understand there may be stuff you want to agree, but I say it’s mostly irrelevant to get any advice, without having the emotional and healing picture post betrayal.
Preferences are a thing, I like long haired women, or some other hair management style that I prefer, but that’s not something turning me off in the least if like the person and she has short hairs, or some hair thing that I don’t like is irritating or whatever.
You get close to a person because you connect with who they are, physical details and preferences go out the window pretty fast when there is that.
In any normal and healthy relationship.
Now I miss context, this is just a general warning about avoiding to fall into the false trap of trying to recreate attention and attraction and gravity into a couple that broke due to infidelity, by projecting each other’s fantasies and preferences into the partner.
Because that’s not going to work, it never does.
Genuine connection and healing that changes the broken parts in both (what was broken and what got broken by the betrayal) that is possibly the only way to really give reconciliation a chance.
Is "I see you" naked as you truly are in your innermost self. Not "I want you to look that way" shallow, superficial, projection, empty.
If you feel good and you want to keep the beard, don’t change it just to people please your cheater.
You can shave it or keep it, but do it for yourself.
She might prefer you smooth rather than pinchy, is also fine. But if that is a condition she demands for reconciliation then I am being blunt here: you really should review if you are having a genuine reconnect here or just a relapse of validation, fantasy and projection.
Because one is ground for reconciliation, the other one is for cheating.
[This message edited by BackfromtheStorm at 10:17 AM, Wednesday, September 30th]
