SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I'm honestly so broken found out beginning of may about husbands affair and he repeatedly told me they did not have sex and was more of an emotional affair. I stupidly believed it and it's been tough but we seemed to be finally getting somewhere until I saw the AP in town this morning wearing his hat, I have never confronted her in person even though I've seen her multiple times and I flipped and said why the hell are you wearing his clothes! Anyway after a conversation with her she said he's messaged her recently and showed me the messages, they were just general messages that she showed me but said he's been in contact with her multiple times and asked her not to tell me anything and it turns out he had been to her house on multiple occasions and slept with her, I honestly feel like such a fool and now I'm back to square one and destroyed all over again. I don't know how the hell to deal with all this especially when I felt like we were getting close again. How can people do this to people it's honestly evil.

Is about protecting his ego, the ego who allowed him to become a cheater, at the price of your blood.

Trickle truths are not a remorse driven confession so you can see in full what the person at your side is capable of, and kept hidden for, you.

They are protecting the betrayal, their AP, their ego.

While you die inside.

This is a teller for you, eye opener hopefully:

He didn’t change, he is not reformed, he is ashamed, not remurseful.

You aren’t being love once again. You are being managed.

His ego and the external validation of his image, are worth more to him than you. And consider that the worth of that stuff is next to zero.

He can put you below that. Convinced you will never find out, and he can play you anytime.

I don’t like to say it like this, but you probably feel it, since unlike your wayward I do respect your intelligence and sensitivity as a human being.

Now the thing is on you.

I hope you put yourself first and accept who this person truly his, who he chose to still be, rather than hoping you can love him out of being a cheater.

Nobody can.

But you sure can reclaim yourself fully and like you deserve, sister.

[This message edited by BackfromtheStorm at 12:43 PM, Tuesday, October 6th]

This is a 2nd d day for you, what information like this does is it sets you back to day 1 again. It rewrites everything you thought you knew about his affair, and now you have to go back to scratch and integrate this new info into a story you thought you completely understood. Or at least you were trying to understand.

I don't think the affair itself does as much damage to a relationship as it is the actions and words of the cheater after it's found out. Some will come clean right off the bat, but unfortunately those are the exception and not the norm. When we warn people that they likely don't have the whole story, it's not to hurt them or make things harder for them, it's to try and prepare them for future revelations like this. Or maybe press harder for the truth. Unfortunately there isn't anything anyone can say to prepare a person for discoveries like this, and no amount of pressing for the truth will extract it from a cheater determined to hide it.

Have you confronted your husband about this? If so, what did he say?

Thank you for your replies, yes you are both right and I honestly feel so stupid and I remember posting on this forum originally when I found out and getting annoyed as people kept saying he probably hasn't told me the whole truth and suprise suprise everyone was right and I feel like such a fool for even believing it. Yes I confronted him and he said he knew he admitted he slept with her at the time that we would be over for food and he didn't want that, it's all bullshit he was protecting himself and knew how bad he would look. It's more upsetting because I told him time and time again to be completely honest because I don't want to go through months and months of trying to repair this to then find out something else as it would destroy me all over again and he still chose to lie. I honestly don't know who he is anymore and I don't know how I'm going to move on especially as we have 2 young children. I'm completely broken.