SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Yes, do not consider confronting yet.

The way this seems to work is that the WS denies and explains. And, initially, you are pretty steadfast in seeing how absurd their explanations are.

But, then, your mind starts to work on you. You have a desire to believe and in your traumatized state the doubt, insidiously , creeps in.

I found articles of sexy lingerie in my XW's backpack , after she claimed she was over her girlfriend's house, watching movies. I also found charges on our card from a tavern miles away for an extraordinary amount of $$.

So, I jumped the gun and confronted. The teddy/negiligee was claimed as a swimsuit cover-up used to lounge in after hot tubbing with her girlfriend.

The bar charges were claimed to be for take out food, to enjoy while watching movies.

When confronted with the outrageous amount for the tab, I got an explanation that she also bought food for her girlfriend's husband and tipped the cashier 35%.

I actually started to have doubts. And I am trained to be skeptical.

You have a very good brain, based on your writing. But, I think you will be susceptible to the same , insidious process unles you get better evidence)allthogh from a third party view, you have got this so right).

[This message edited by reggie at 6:09 PM, April 4th (Monday)]

Your not sure, but something is definitely going on. I know you want concrete evidence, but she's cheating on you either way. God luck, bud.

Ah, so something like an RSA fob for 2-factor authentication? That sucks.

We only have a couple specific systems that require that.

ETA: But, like you state, they are being somewhat discreet over email, so it isn't very solid one way or another...definitely inappropriate, but not substantial enough to determine the full extent of their 'relationship'.

I wish you luck with your continued search, as unpleasant as it is, for the mere sake of shedding the constant shroud of doubt.

[This message edited by SomewhatWorried at 6:32 PM, April 4th (Monday)]

I have a spouse that travels also. If you do the laundry, use this as an excuse to go through her suitcase and bags thoroughly. Check every nook and cranny, under the lining etc. If she says something to you, just tell her you were trying to help her unpack and get a load of laundry going. You understand how tired she is blah, blah blah, just trying to help. If she was with him this business trip it might be a chance to find some defining evidence of a PA.

WW and D are out of the house. Already went through everything. 4 pairs of undies, bagged. One silky nightgown, pretty revealing. Not one that would be expected for a business trip (or at home for that matter).

Sigh...

Would you have a good excuse for being near her laundry, if so, a good question to her would be why the nightie on a business trip?

Would you have a good excuse for being near her laundry, if so, a good question to her would be why the nightie on a business trip?

Yes, I do the laundry.

Every time she tries to unpack, I'm around. The bag remains packed. Not going to probe her too hard yet at this point, but it will be used against her if I find other proof.

The bag is how I busted him. Laptop bag, specifically. But the dumbo does leave receipts in every little nook and cranny. Receipts are telling.

That sucks about the nightgown. Everything really points toward a PA. But if I were you, I would wait and try and get solid indisputable evidence.

Would it be unusual for you to go into her unpacked suitcase to get laundry? I used to do that when I was starting a load and I was looking for stuff to put in the washer.

I'm mean but I think I would take out the nightie and hide it. What can she do - ask you for it? However, I'm willing to bet that her story is that she bought it on the trip and was going to surprise you with it.

I unpack my husbands bags after a vacation trip or a business trip...its a loving spouse thing to do!

Chop,

Sorry to laugh a little.

But I used to do most of the laundry and one day I came across a pair of perfumed panties.

No mistaking it, it wasn't done for me.

Oh the shit they do, and, eventually you will be able to laugh about it too.

I didn't laugh at the time

Again sorry,

No intention to belittle your situation.

Just believe, you to will get past this.

Tahiti

[This message edited by Tahiti at 10:57 PM, April 4th (Monday)]

A couple of thoughts:

- Make sure that you're taking screenshots of her emails with OM. Even if they seem innocent now, they may provide a meaningful link etc when more evidence comes to light

- Take photos of things that you don't want to remove and that you think could possibly disappear later (nightgown, receipts etc)

Good luck, it's heartbreaking I know.

CO

I told you that you need to be tactical.

Think. Analyze.

He’s a vp in what sounds like a large company. Certainly more than a mom-and-pop organization. So there is going to be standard office etiquette there. One thing that is very clear in more or less all companies is that managers do not have sexual relationships with their workers.

Yes I know – this is broken all the time but NEVER with the open acknowledgement of the management. How companies respond varies but generally the two people are given a quiet warning to end things. However – in ALL cases the responsibility and expectations are higher for the superior. Your OM knows this, plus he’s married, plus he’s a typical OM. He has no intention of this getting out and he has no intention of anything more than some tail with your wife.

So I´m thinking several things:

They hardly use office e-mail for anything substantial (affair related). With upper management there is often an archiving and accountability requirement for e-mail (in my line of work each and every e-mail I send and receive is stored for 7 years on the company servers). So you won’t find any “I love your body” texts but at best “I miss you at work”. The former is a clear signal – the later can be covered in smoke. So don’t focus on the office e-mail. Not worth the risk/benefit.

So what do I do at my work to keep messages out of the 7 year trap? I have another e-mail account for personal issues. Posts I get from forums, mailing lists etc. go to a personal online account. Look for gmail, Hotmail or some other type of online mailing account. Look at her Facebook account and see where messages to Facebook are forwarded.

I’m guessing that because of office etiquette they are not open about what’s going on at the company. So when do they talk? How do they organize and keep their fling alive? Yep – var in car. That is where you will hit pay dirt.

The nightie. To vague. Won’t get you anywhere. Can be explained away. Do you think phoning OMW and saying your suspicions are based on vague posts and a nightie will make it?

Hey CO, did you Checkmate those four pair of bagged undies yet?

I don't think he has yet. Every time she tries to unpack, he is there, so they are still in the suitcase.

Big Red Flag, she is definitely wanting to hide her panties and that revealing silky nightgown that she doesn't think CO knows about. Because we all know that she wore it for OM. And her panties probably have residual semen/sperm leakage from their sex. As well all know, they very rarely use protection.

[This message edited by lordmayhem at 10:54 AM, April 5th (Tuesday)]

Without reading 7 pages of thread - tell me,

Has CO purchased a sperm test kit for those well-guarded undies?

stillnpain, yes.

And CO, Bigger's got some good ideas about trying to locate a secret email account. It is certainly possible it may even be the one FaceBook notifications are forwarded to.

Also, they probably do phone each other and she probably does so occasionally in her car, so the idea of the VAR in the auto might produce something.

OK, still alive here. I let her unpack her suitcase in privacy yesterday (gotta pick my battles, this is not one of them since I already searched it). The nighty went back to the underwear drawer.

I caught a nasty flu-like bug yesterday, and WW caught it today. She came home from work early, so not much happening again today.

OK, now what you're waiting for. Ran the test on the 4 pairs of undies. Three were negative. The fourth had a stain as well as a bit of blood. It turned up mildly positive. It's supposed to start to turn color at 10 seconds and purple within 15 seconds of adding the reagent. If it's not purple by 15 seconds, you can't call it positive (by the instructions). It turned purple at about 25 seconds -- the others did not.

So, I'm not sure what the hell to make of that. The test is supposed to check for acid phosphatase (found in semen in higher concentrations). However, acid phosphatase is present in other fluids as well, including BLOOD, although in lower concentrations. TECHNICALLY by the instructions, it's negative, but it was clearly different than the other pairs, and reacted just a few seconds late. This pair, incidentally, was the one she didn't submit to me for laundering (I found in suitcase and took it).

I know, you're probably saying, "Bust her, now!", and maybe I'm being a fool based on everything in sum, but I was definitely hoping for something more definitive. I'm not going to base my case entirely on this one test (which as far as I can tell, doesn't have any independently published efficacy results). I won't say much, but I do know a thing or two about lab investigations beyond what you see on TV.

So, I've decided that this pair of undies is going to a lab for confirmatory testing. Was going to do it today, but as I said before, WW came home early due to her illness. She's down for the count and probably won't go to work tomorrow either.

It's probably a PE, but I'm going to go all the way to prove it.

I really hate this shit.

I really hate this shit

((((Chopped)))

Might be an idea to replace the knickers in the suitcase in case she goes looking for them?