SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

So I´m thinking several things:

They hardly use office e-mail for anything substantial (affair related). With upper management there is often an archiving and accountability requirement for e-mail (in my line of work each and every e-mail I send and receive is stored for 7 years on the company servers). So you won’t find any “I love your body” texts but at best “I miss you at work”. The former is a clear signal – the later can be covered in smoke. So don’t focus on the office e-mail. Not worth the risk/benefit.

So what do I do at my work to keep messages out of the 7 year trap? I have another e-mail account for personal issues. Posts I get from forums, mailing lists etc. go to a personal online account. Look for gmail, Hotmail or some other type of online mailing account. Look at her Facebook account and see where messages to Facebook are forwarded.

I’m guessing that because of office etiquette they are not open about what’s going on at the company. So when do they talk? How do they organize and keep their fling alive? Yep – var in car. That is where you will hit pay dirt.

The nightie. To vague. Won’t get you anywhere. Can be explained away. Do you think phoning OMW and saying your suspicions are based on vague posts and a nightie will make it?

Thanks Bigger, I'm with ya. I follow her (known) personal email account closely. They've used it on occasion when the messages are more "inappropriate for work", but again they're still subtle messages. Nothing about wanting to rip clothes off, etc.

Some things I have a good idea about. I think the primary means of potentially risque communication is by work phone, long distance. Probably from their private work offices. There are often emails before and after these conversations ("It was SO nice to talk to you on the phone today,", etc.). There may be some cell calls as well, but I don't have enough access to her phone to know.

I believe their (non-work) communication is somewhat infrequent, i.e., not daily, more like weekly or less. This makes me think this is very likely an affair of convenience, due to the distances involved.

If she has any secret email accounts, she's never accessed it on her home PC (keylogger). VAR is in the car, working as of yesterday. Listened to the first batch, nada. Facebook is clean, she never uses it, and those notifications go to her known personal email account. Checked cell texts in the past when I've had a chance, didn't see anything there (but I'm aware they could be deleted).

I think I've got most of my bases covered, under the circumstances.

[This message edited by ChoppingOnions at 2:52 AM, April 6th (Wednesday)]

Might be an idea to replace the knickers in the suitcase in case she goes looking for them?

Well, those knickers are one of a kind in her inventory (they were all thongs on the trip, which is what she usually wears at home).

I decided this was a reasonable risk to grab them. If the testing to date is any indication, the reward outweighs the risk. I can probably think up a good excuse if she asks, since I do the laundry. I think she's too sick with the flu to even bother at this point.

Good call on the lab for the panties. The semen kits aren't really definitive anyway. The lab report is at least a good chance of bringing things to a confrontational head.

I hate to be my usual asshole self, but your wife seems awfully good at this shit for a newbie.

Good call on the lab for the panties. The semen kits aren't really definitive anyway. The lab report is at least a good chance of bringing things to a confrontational head.

I hate to be my usual asshole self, but your wife seems awfully good at this shit for a newbie.

Yea, she's very intelligent. And meticulous. Of course, I was in the dark for a long period of this "affair". If I had known sooner, I doubt I'd be in this pickle now. This is the first trip that I've really snooped with vigor after she returned. Sadly, from an information-gathering perspective, it could be their last.

I hate to be my usual asshole self, but your wife seems awfully good at this shit for a newbie.

I think this is a good sign personally. Newbies are the ones who are still worried about getting caught and have not become careless yet. They are almost as good at hiding as the serial cheaters who have been caught through 3 marriages.

JMNSHO

Okay..yeah..thongs..but have you used the checkmate on them yet?

Okay..yeah..thongs..but have you used the checkmate on them yet?

Yes. See above (page 6).

[This message edited by ChoppingOnions at 2:44 PM, April 6th (Wednesday)]

WHAT IS THAT?

LOL. That's a possible positive reaction for semen.

Ok I was wondering what the hell that was also. Now I can honestly say that I think I have seen everything. ROFLMAO

My problem was with perspective - I thought it was a side plate!

CO

I’m a former cop and I have been trained to look analytically and rather negatively at evidence. My instructor at the academy used to say “When you hear the beating of hooves you think horses – not zebras”. With that quote he reminded us that although the evidence strongly points to something then don’t take it at any value other than face value. To rephrase: wait until you see the horses before making the call.

So the sperm kit gave instructions and IF you overshoot the time limit allowed then it might have shown a positive result… Man – that’s at BEST a distant beating of SOMETHING. Still too far to even think whether it’s horses, cows or a passing train.

This is why I personally hate these kits. When you get her it will be with relatively simple methods – not CSI style special effects and DNA kits.

So focus on the obvious: The VAR, the phone records, times, mileage on car, financial transactions… That’s where you will find the evidence you need.

Sorry for the visual aids. Probably too much information.

WW is knocked out with a virus. Slow day.

I understand what your saying Bigger, and I'm not suggesting that he confront with just the checkmate results, however, to me, it just confirms that he definately needs to dig some more, because something isn't right here.

Hi,ChoppingOnions,

I like your name too...don't want anyone to know that you are actually crying, huh? You've come to the right place.

There is no way to get around that this is not just a "friendship."

OM: Thanks for the document. Did you attach yourself to it? That would be great, so I can enjoy you!

WW: I wish I could attach myself. Keep an eye for a package in the mail.

OM: Are you coming in the package? P.S. This place is not as fun because you are not here.

WW: I wish. Good night.

The first email alone is evidence enough something inappropriate is going on....it is definitely more than a friendship.

The last email is just plain sickening! Even if you don't find anything else, you have the three emails, and their progressive familiarity/inappropropriate language. And the last one was last summer....she would be deluded to try to convince you that things haven't gotten "hotter" since last summer.

While all the signs look like it is a PA, even if it is an EA, that is still a violation of M vows. Many of us are here because our spouses had an EA. Don't let WW diminish the issue if you don't get absolute proof of a PA.

The nightie thing bugs me. Does she normally bring home nighties from her trips? If I bought a new nightie, I would put it on and show it to my H at the first opportunity....she tossed it in her drawer??? Pretty good sign it was not bought to impress you...

Sorry you have been ill...not so sorry for her. I do wish she were well so the ball would keep rolling and she could get caught so this part of your nightmare could end sooner.

Expect your emotions to go crazy, and to feel awful for some time. Read up in the Reading Library, so you at least know what you are are up against, that what you are feeling is normal, and that you really are not going crazy.

I'm so sorry that you are one more casualty that has found this site.

LOL I still can't make out that picture...looks like a side dish to me.

Whatever it is, I've never seen anything look like that and I think it might not be normal...

lol

Looks like quite a puddle to me!

OK. I'm sorry but the pic made me laugh- it looked like a chicken breast to me. CO- more power to you as you go forward!!

That really leaves a bad taste in my mouth. Me too- "I thought I seen it all." See... there is no way I could go through this agony. Like I said, I don't think you need any more evidence concerning inappropriate behavior. Just by the way they communicate is a red flag. So sorry.

I agree that the emails are a red flag but also completely understand CO's need to have more so he can't be fooled into thinking the relationship is less than it seems to be.

CO, I'm not sorry she is sick, but I am sorry that the fact that she is sick may be lengthing the time you have to spend in this position!!

Considering what’s at stake waiting for better proof is not a big deal. The evidence to date is way too vague although it DEFINITELY indicates that an affair is going on. This evidence for example won’t convince OMW or the HR department at the company (neither of which WANT to find an affair going on and will tend to dispute weak evidence) and can blow completely in CO’s face if this reaches court/custody stage.