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Bluebird26 ( member #36445) posted at 11:15 AM on Thursday, September 5th, 2013
I am so sorry for your loss. Please lean on the people close to you for support. I hope you and your kids are coping ok. Please take care of yourself.
Me: BW
Best thing I gained in my divorce - my freedom.
Life's good.
tushnurse ( member #21101) posted at 4:12 PM on Thursday, September 5th, 2013
Try not to concern yourself with what his family is doing. They are just looking for a reason, and blaming you is the easiest thing to justify this selfish act.
Again, I wish you peace, love support, and strength during this time.
Me: FBSHim: FWSKids: 23 & 27 Married for 32 years now, was 16 at the time.D-Day Sept 26 2008R'd in about 2 years. Old Vet now.
NoTriangles ( member #35985) posted at 4:17 PM on Thursday, September 5th, 2013
I'm so sorry. I can't even imagine. Sending you thoughts and prayers.
Me: Finding my SunlightHim: Traitor in my FoxholeLet go or get dragged.
DaysOfMyLife (original poster member #40265) posted at 5:55 AM on Sunday, October 6th, 2013
I just wanted to update everyone. I am still putting one foot in front of the other but some days are harder than others. DS is doing ok, he is still angry but is seeing the school psychologist once a week and the guidance counsellor whenever he needs her. DD doesn't really understand the permanence of it all. Every now and then she will say something like she will never kiss him goodnight again. It breaks my heart but a minute later she is fine. She is still seeing the guidance counsellor weekly and that is going well. I started counselling last week with a counsellor I had been seeing for two years and I am just trying to go forward. We talked about WH's behaviour in the last couple of months and she agrees with me that all signs are pointing to a manic episode. He was diagnosed with depression when he was 19 but had never had a manic episode. I can tick all of the boxes on a questionnaire for bipolar in the manic section. On one hand it helps to be able to look back and know that the cheating was due to mental illness but it hasn't stopped all of the triggers. The kids and I had to go to a bigger city to get a few things last week and all I could think about while in the hotel was him meeting the OW and what they did together, if she was in his car, if he took her to the restaurant for dinner, everything was a trigger. It's such a roller coaster! I go from crying to anger in a matter of minutes, all while hiding away from the kids in the bathroom. I try to keep strong for them and hold my emotions in check until they are asleep or at school. It will get better, it will be a bumpy road but I refuse to let this break me or the kids. As for the in-laws, I haven't spoken to them and don't wish to. I have my moments, when I am angry, that I would love to give them a piece of my mind but I will never give them a true reason to be angry with me. I have kept my dignity throughout this ordeal and will continue to do so. The text DS everyday to check on him. They haven't spoken to DD at all. When they came across the country for the funeral they didn't see her as she didn't come to the funeral. They were in town for about 36 hours and she made the comment that they came all this way and didn't even come to see her. Luckily I was still the beneficiary on the life insurance policy and the mortgage insurance is still valid even though it was a suicide. The kids will always be taken care of and that is a huge weight off of my shoulders. The piece of advice I have for everyone is to make sure you have a will. It would have made this a little easier. Thanks again for all of the wonderful messages, I have read and re-read every one.
BW now 38
WH 35 (deceased)
DS 18 DD 10
Together 12.5 years Married 8.5 years
D Day July 22, 2013
WH died by suicide
dmari ( member #37215) posted at 7:26 AM on Sunday, October 6th, 2013
Thank you for visiting and sharing your update. You and your children have been in my prayers. The fact that you continue to put one foot in front of the other is admirable. It's reassuring to hear that all of you are in therapy. Just want to send you all the hugs in the world! Please take care.
vivere ( member #34465) posted at 7:30 AM on Sunday, October 6th, 2013
((DOML)) I'm so sorry for the loss of your WH in such tragic circumstances.
It sounds like you and your children are well supported. They are very lucky to have such a strong mother.
Thinking of you all.
You are responsible for your own happiness :)
scrambled2 ( new member #38901) posted at 10:31 AM on Sunday, October 6th, 2013
DOMY you and your children are also in my prayers. My sisters husband unfortunately did the same 12 years ago. Bipolar too. He left behind a beautiful 3 yr old daughter. She is now 15 & she is a beautiful, loyal & compassionate girl. She has a close knit circle of friends she has known since she was 5 yrs old, and also has an extended family with uncles so although she never really knew her dad, she feels she has many dads with her uncles. My sister has done a marvelous job of bringing her up, and from your posts I believe you will also do a wonderful job. Take care.
jjct ( member #17484) posted at 11:25 AM on Sunday, October 6th, 2013
Chrysalis123 ( member #27148) posted at 12:27 PM on Sunday, October 6th, 2013
Someone I once loved gave me/ a box full of darkness/ It took me years to understand/ That this, too, was a gift. - Mary Oliver
Just for the record darling, not all positive changes feel positive in the beginning -S C Lourie
Kajem ( member #36134) posted at 1:22 PM on Sunday, October 6th, 2013
Thank you for the update, you popped into my mind the other day. I'm sending you virtual hugs and real time prayers.
K
I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - UnknownRelationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.
Whalers11 ( member #27544) posted at 1:28 PM on Sunday, October 6th, 2013
StillStanding1 ( member #40144) posted at 2:20 PM on Sunday, October 6th, 2013
Wishing you and your children continued strength and eventual peace.
(((((days, DS, DD)))))
Me: BS50s Him: WH50s
M 25 years - DD DS DS
LTA = 2+ yrs, Dday - 2/13, S for 1 year, now R
thebighurt ( member #34722) posted at 12:59 AM on Monday, October 7th, 2013
((((Days and children)))) I'm so sorry you are going through this.
I didn't see the original posts when this happened. Just seeing this now and glad to see your update of your progress. I'm sorry about the actions and attitudes of your in-laws. Your DD seems to see them for what they are. You are doing a great job helping the children deal with this and I'm glad you are seeing your IC again now.
Hugs for continued healing.
Finding what life could have been....... Why didn't I see it?
gypsybird87 ( member #39193) posted at 2:00 AM on Monday, October 7th, 2013
I'm so sorry... I can't even imagine what you and your kids are going through.
Sending (((hugs))) to all of you.
Me: Enjoying life
Him: Someone else's problem
Follow your heart, but take your brain with you. ~ Alfred Adler
Letting go of the outcome is about the most empowering thing you can do for yourself. ~ LosferWords
doggiemom12 ( member #36041) posted at 2:20 AM on Monday, October 7th, 2013
It will get better. Good that the children and you will be taken care of financially. Make sure you get a will or trust set up now. We had one but we only had the house in it - I had to get all the other accts transferred to me and that took about 8 months.
Keep going to counseling, and don't feel a bit of guilt about this. He had a "brain attack". This is a real mental illness and there is absolutely nothing you could have done to stop it. He was a tormented man.
I actually pity my late STBX these days. If only he had tried to get some help for himself. What's done is done.
Take care of yourself and your children now. Move forward.
Hugs,
dm
White bird must fly or she will die . . .
msk99 ( member #29293) posted at 4:13 PM on Monday, October 7th, 2013
(((doml & kids)))
So sorry to hear you are going through this. From one Albertan to another....stay strong!
BS (Me): 40 STBXWW (Her): 40
M: 15 Years, 2 Awesome Boys
Divorced
Five simple rules of happiness:
1. Free your heart from hatred.
2. Free your mind from worries.
3. Live simply.
4. Give more.
5. Expect less.
Exit Wounds ( member #32811) posted at 4:20 PM on Monday, October 7th, 2013
I am so sorry for your and your childrens loss. I sent you a pm. Sorry I am so late in this but I just saw this post. Lots of hugs and prayers...
Exit WoundsH of 17 years got gf pregnant, left our kids 9 & 11 and we never saw him again. -His choice.
tushnurse ( member #21101) posted at 4:53 PM on Monday, October 7th, 2013
You are an amazing woman, who is incredibly strong. One step at a time, and soon you will look up and wonder how you made it through it all.
Love your kids. Let go of the anger if you can, I know that will take time.
(((and strength))))
Me: FBSHim: FWSKids: 23 & 27 Married for 32 years now, was 16 at the time.D-Day Sept 26 2008R'd in about 2 years. Old Vet now.
JKL Vikings ( member #32094) posted at 6:02 PM on Monday, October 7th, 2013
I am so sorry for your loss. Prayers coming from TX
Her- Alpha Female 42
Me-FWH 44
Married since '02, together since 2000
D-day 2/10/2009
3 sons- J- born Oct 2001
K- born Sept. 2005
L- born Apr. 2008
We ALL have issues. It's how we deal with them that makes the difference
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