SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Rocket:

While you are still waiting for more info on OM and OMW doesn't mean you should sit by waiting. Here are some things you can do in the meantime:

- Carefully plan out D-day. Write out an itinerary down to the minute.

- You will likely need someone trustworthy to watch your son on D-day.

- Backups of any evidence. Create a new Gmail account and upload any kind of evidence that you have to this account. Obviously keep this account a secret from WW. Print out any pics, emails, etc and store them in a safe deposit box

- On D-day you will need her to make some sort of choice (her or OM). You will need an empty suitcase to make this more dramatic.

- Decide how you will expose. What close friends, family, etc will you expose to and how? Best to do is via email or voice mail, all within a short time. Keep it short and to the facts. Write out a script for yourself, or a draft email. Tell them you want their help in saving the marriage and that your WW has been unfaithful.

- Start moving money. Slowly start doing cash withdrawals in small amounts and storing it to avoid raising her suspicion. You may need access to cash quickly. Don't do anything funny with joint accounts yet.

- Create a new bank account in your name only

- Get your son's passport and put it in a safe place

- Print out statements from all of the joint accounts (CDs, IRAs, savings, etc) in case she decides to bolt with money

- Avoid confronting at home alone. Do you have a friend who can come be with you on that day?

- Your WW will likely immediately call 1) OM and 2) her slutty friend after D-day. Get a couple of VARs from walmart and place them strategically around the house and in her car on D-day to get a sense of what she is planning with these two. Test out the VAR a few times before the actual day.

I can't serve her with d papers. Somebody else has to.

I think I am/was really close to finding him. He disconnected the phone number I had for him 5 days ago. The Verizon store he did it at was 3 miles from the address I assume is his. I think that's it. Too coincidental. But, i just found he had another phone back in may 2012. I went back ony wife's text on her old phone( I bought her a new one for xmas) and saw it. That was the beginning of the "courtship". Starting with compliments and flirting. Anyway, he burns through phones. I'm assuming my wife has an inkling I know something since I've all of a sudden started to talk about our marriage in vague terms. She must have alerted him Along with finger print locking her new phone. Ran another check on phones. Actually talked to the investigator at docusearch. He said couldn't get address with subscription phones. Need to find this omw!!!

Rocket

So is your goal to serve her soon?

Serve her at work?

Blow up her Affair to family and friends?

I think you are getting to OMW.

Is her phone an iphone5S?

HM

Yes, she had iPhone 5s. Why? Is there something I can do? Can't get my hands on it anymore.

Yes, she had iPhone 5s. Why? Is there something I can do? Can't get my hands on it anymore.

As an FYI after you have 50 (meaningful) posts a new forum will appear in your list of forums. It's called investigative Tips. I'm sure someone in that forum can help you.

Currently you have 20 posts.

Rocket: this OM is a serial cheater. Trust me. No one else in their right mind would burn through so many phones like that unless they cheated regularly.

It will not be possible to track down the OM or OMW using the phone numbers. You will have to do it the old fashioned way: by PI or by following them around.

Also consider hiding a GPS device. TrackStick Mini is one of the best and you can store in her car and then retrieve later. You will then be able to see exactly where she drove to and how long she stopped. Does not require subscription, but data is not in real time however and requires actual retrieval of the GPS device. Costs about $290. If you want real-time GPS tracking see my earlier post.

Keep at it. They will slip up sooner or later and you will get them. Don't jump the gun until you get some good evidence.

Also - you do not need to 'serve' her the D papers. Just ask your Attorney for a copy of the same papers that they will file as a reference copy. These are not official but you can show them to her on the day of confront. This will be a huge slap in the face to her when she sees the papers in real life.

Yep, I agree, this isn't his first rodeo.

I looked into tracking devices. Why can't I just put a burner phone in her car and turn it on? Silenced for sure. I can retrieve it very easily to charge. I'm telling you she's not very smart. She won't know. I don't want to use it to track them together to catch them, I already have that. I'm thinking IF I decide to let her stay to see IF we can move forward I need to be able to track her. Obviously I can't believe what she says.

This seems to be getting out of control or I have lost what this is about.

Rocket, are you for sure filing for Divorce? I thought I read you wanted to R first and see what happens.

You are spending an incredible amount of time on the OMW.

Deal with your wife now and confront her about the affair. You WILL get to the OMW sooner or later.

If you need to, follow the OM home from work and then you have the address.

Are you even sure this OM is married and if so how did you know that.

I did not go through this part myself, the OM wasnt married, he just had his third divorce about a year before he screwed up my life.

I don't know if I want to reconcile or divorce yet. I haven't confronted her yet obviously. Almost every piece of advice i have gotten is to find omw and let her know first. That's what I'm trying to do. Even if I can't hold it in much longer and I confront, I still want to find omw so if shit goes ballistic I can blow it up just for my own personal satisfaction. Either way I need to find her

I don't know where he works now , what he looks like, two cell phones were burners and I think I have his address but not 100% on that. Very common name too. Even though this is killing me to keep in I do have time on my side. She's not going anywhere. It's just how much I can take.

I did make a mistake though and tell her I wanted to change some things in our marriage. This was very unusal of me. I only did that to see what reaction she would have. Now it's become a nightly "joke " that she says love you or have a good day. It's all very forced and stupid. All that did was alert her to thinking I may know something. I know she probably alerted him and he shut off his phone a few days ago. Still have my proof though and the hunt continues.

I would say stop hinting completely or confront her and stop the affair now.

If you dont want to confront her yet, than act normal.

How does your wife meet this OM, when and where?

I dont know if it is legal anymore, but if you could get his license plate number, you have the address.

rocket:

Just breathe.

Chill.

I know it seems impossible to think.

Even though you think you tipped her off..just chill. They don't KNOW anything yet.

Can you get a PI? The one I called was only going to charge 500. Everyone is hurting for $$$ right now.

What happened to my friend in an absolute best case scenerio:

H of OW suspected affair.

Got proof from PI.

PI got the contact info of my friend,

H of OW showed up at my friend's when H wasn't home.

H of OW gave my friend info and she used the same PI.

They both busted their spouses at the same time.

There was no wiggle room for these two waywards.

That is what you want.. no wiggle room.

Even if your wife thinks you are on to something,, you are lucky in that you DO have proof so she can't gaslight you.

This is some good info for you:

http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=235051

[This message edited by homewrecked2011 at 9:42 AM, February 26th (Wednesday)]

Rocket999

Here are some more thoughts of mine.

You need to recognize that right now you are in grief. The beginning is shock. It is a time when any man is most rattled. Please know you are emotionally rattled right now.

Need to find this omw!!!

Really? No you don’t. You want to know who trespassed on you. I will tell you what every man wants. For the OM to die. To kick the other mans ass. Am I not Right? If you don’t feel this way, then I would be extremely surprised. You would not be very typical. You can be honest with yourself right now. I get it. They are only thoughts right now.

15 years ago, I lived next door to a man whose wife was in an affair with her co-worker. In anger, he went to the place of business, got into an argument with the OM. His wife left with him and later that night he strangled her, took her to a local pond, and sunk her to the bottom. Then went home in a few short hours shot himself in the head.

3 years ago, a man a few neighborhoods down from my neighborhood discovered his wife was in an affair with his neighbor. He took his gun and busted down the OM’s door. The OM had a gun too. He shot and killed the betrayed spouse. Then he turned the gun on himself and shot himself.

My co-worker discovered his wife having an affair. As the OM drove by him not long after his discovery, they flipped each other off. The OM stopped and yelled you want a piece of me? My co-work got out and punched the guy, broke his nose, bloodied his eye sockets. He was lucky and did not get arrested, but it was violence.

And me, I had thoughts to run my car into my OM’s office and open up on him. To harm his son, so he could also feel the pain I felt. With care for me, my best friend happen to call me at the right time, worried and caring about me, he came over and took my gun from me. It is the shock from grief. He forced me to call a councilor. I did.

I am gong to tell you what my councilor did for me. He asked me to form a plan when I do see the OM. The plan was to turn and walk away. She said, the OM is not worthy of any conversation. She was right, I am right.

Rocket, your plan, be a masculine man, turn and walk away. Don’t be a pussy. A pussy is those men I described above. Including myself at one point of emotional breakdown.

I am going to tell you what will happen.

When her sin is finally exposed... she will either turn to you and your strength. Or she will try to hide from her sin and hide from you.

Either way, this will only be a blip of pain in your life if you are masculine. It will only be temporary pain unless YOU allow it to be permanent.

I will say again, if she tries to hide from you and her sin, You can make a good masculine choice, No, I don’t have anyone close to me who cannot be intimate. Any woman part of my life and join me in my happiness. Period. If you get stuck in limbo, chasing a woman like this, you will stay in misery. There are a whole bunch of quality women thrown away by bad men. And if you stay quality yourself, and seek it, you will attract and be blessed with a good woman who wants to join you in a happy life.

A hard question. Can I handle still being Married to a women who committed infidelity and all that comes with it?

So you know, I will tell you what it means should you decide you can handle it, and your does wife turn toward you in strength, not away.

For many months to follow... For me, these went on for over three years..

- you are going to have times where your mind will take you to her sex with this OM. In time, these thoughts will fade. In a few short years, you will accept.

- you are going to think about all these situations you could have done differently.

- you are going to get angry at your wife over many of her behaviors. If you are ready, you can do certain things and handle it.

- You are going to have triggers. Pictures, objects, movies, songs.. the list is not short. These thoughts are going to cause feelings. You can learn to deal with them or not.

- Your ego is damaged. Shame. A stigma because YOU could not satisfy your wife. You can learn to accept and know, so people are not always loving or loyal. You cannot control the choices and decision others make. Life is not always fair. There is NEVER an excuse for betray anyone. Accept that or not.

- You will not have safe feelings for a long time. Trust is always a choice, but feelings are feelings. Someone who decides to change can behave in ways were your safe feelings will return. In time, you can decide to trust more and more, depending on her behaviors.

- You will lose some Possessiveness.

What do you think your choice about YOU will be? It can be made today. Right now.

My wife has an inkling I know something since I've all of a sudden started to talk about our marriage in vague terms.

Good. She is finally beginning to open up. She is in great fear right now. You are getting it. You are beginning to open your wife up to you.

Might I suggest a quick conversation with your wife maybe something like this.. Give her pressure. Make her react.

“Wife, I have been giving some thoughts to our talk the other day. Our vow, I know being human, we are not always the best. But too me, it really is about effort. I want to make a far better effort. I am going to tell you I have this strange gut feeling inside me. Is there anything you want an need to tell me so we can move toward a better marriage?”

Or maybe this..

“Wife, I look at our marriage and believe strongly that our vows are something we give each other to cherish. I cherish our vows, and will always have this value. Do you also have the same value?”

Or pressure along those lines. Keep them very short, not some long deep discussions. She might confess.

Be ready for it. Me, I might say I knew. But know love always hope. I have it within myself to forgive, to accept. But it is really up for you to decide wife. There are things you must do. Eliminate this man in your life. Let him go this minute. Now. Never contact him again. Commit to me this moment in time and leave that behind you. Can you call him right now and let him know, I know, and you have made the choice to work on the marriage. Who is he? My morality says his wife must know, it is so she no longer lives her life in a lie. If you cannot tell me, that is ok too, I will find her one way or another. She is going to know. And you can find out with your wife choice to keep the marriage or without.

You will get your answer quickly. You must fear it right? I did. Do not think she has not already given this day thoughts, how she is going to react, what she is going to tell you. She knows which direction it going. She might be conflicted, confused, but a strong man knows his worth.. your value, you are worthy of only someone who commits 100% and not confused. That is true masculinity.

I did make a mistake though and tell her I wanted to change some things in our marriage. This was very unusal of me. I only did that to see what reaction she would have. Now it's become a nightly "joke " that she says love you or have a good day. It's all very forced and stupid. All that did was alert her to thinking I may know something. I know she probably alerted him and he shut off his phone a few days ago. Still have my proof though and the hunt continues.

This is not a mistake in my mind. You made her react. It is the kinds of pressure that will move your wife to a choice. Her reaction (joke) is one of.. hiding.

Might you be uncomfortable with now being open yourself. Successful marraiges are most open, it good times and bad. Be if forced or not. When you have the ablity to lead your wife to wanting to most open, only then will you have the best possible intimate marriage. Learning to open a woman up is not easy.

Change is a "given" for us all in life. Your life is in that given, we all face. You will be fine if you choose to be fine.

Peace brother.

[This message edited by trynhard at 10:39 AM, February 26th (Wednesday)]

Hi Rocket:

You've gotten some great advice from trynhard and homewrecked. You want to spill the beans now, but are grasping at straws to find out the identity of OM and OMW. There are several rational reasons for getting to OMW before exposing to everyone else.

Exposure is only an effective way to kill an affair only when you can expose on BOTH sides (WW and OM). Exposing only to one side can also work, but is not nearly as effective. Your WW will be in a state of deep shock on the day of confront. She will look to OM for comfort. By exposing to OMW right before, you will exert pressure on both sides to choke the affair out of existence.

IF you are confident that you know enough other friends of OM, then you don't necessarily need to find out who OMW is right now. But this means you would need to know who the OM is close to (family, religious leaders, etc). Sounds like you don't have enough info on this guy yet (or even his real name). Exposure to close friends of OM will put a lot of pressure and shame on him.

Part of the fun of being in an A is the secrecy. Sneaking away at night, whispering to someone else who says "I love you" on the phone. Not being able to tell anyone. These features of an A make them quite intoxicating. But as soon as the A is out in the open, the fun quickly evaporates.

Its your decision on when to expose, but having the support of OMW will make your affair-busting chances MUCH higher.

Why can't I just put a burner phone in her car and turn it on?

See my previous post

http://gizmodo.com/5691724/how-to-track-your-vehicle-on-the-cheap

If you want to buy a cheap burner phone, then follow the instructions above. You can then splice the power wire into your fuse box so that it has constant power.

Again, can you find out more from a co-worker where he worked? Is there anyone there you can trust, show a picture...what ever? At this point, I would stake out the address. As long as you have the name, that is all that matters. Show up when he has left and ask if she is the wife of so and so who worked at so and so.

Can't trust anyone at her work. Thought of that. Found pics of him today though. Unbelievable! My wife is 44 and I'm 49. This guy looks like he's maybe mid 30s. Looks like a punk. Double earrings, fat, probably pants hanging off his ass. He got fired from her work. I knew what he did there. Couldnt have made more than 12 bucks an hour. He had at least two kids. We live in a half million dollar house. Im not saying that to brag, its been a struggle, but this is what she wants? i guess money really doesnt buy passion. We are conservative people. I don't know what she's thinking She's in love with this dude? What I can't get over is she conciously decided to do this for almost 2 years and blow up her kids life? Forget about me, what about our son? Her stupid friends even encouraged this? You can tell the guys a loser! Oh well, she will live a life of regret and I'll know I did everything I could to be a good man and to teach my son by example.

There is reason that most say they always affair down. My WW did the same thing. Makes no sense to me either. Why they would risk throwing everything in their lives away for a huge downgrade blows my mind. I can't wrap my head around it either.

I think that when a WW "affairs down", it is a sign of very low self esteem and their own low opinion of themselves. And they might not even know they have a low opinion actually, but their subconscious knows. This could go back to childhood problems also.

Rocket - what happened with the search?

Where does your wife meet this guy at if he does not work with her anymore?

The search is at dead end for now. I'm starting to doubt I had right address narrowed down. I don't think he's as old as I thought and probably can't afford the neighborhood I found the address. Also, in a text I saw, he mentioned to my wife he moved in may 2012 and this house had been occupied by that person since 2003. It was also mentioned that he is always moving around. Doesn't seem like I can find a PI to give me the info I need. Don't know what to do next. I want this losers address bad now because I've seen a pic of him and he disgusts me. It's a challenge now. Not got a physical confrontation, but to blow up his marriage. Doesn't look like a guy who would really care anyway. Looks like real dirtbag. I'm disappointed in my wife for screwing him. I mean if your going to cheat you might as well go big!!!

Still haven't confronted. Can you believe it's been 3 weeks almost. I just all the buttons at my fingertips if/when it all gets crazy. I'm definitely going after her friends no matter what. Paybacks a bitch!!!