SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

As always, thanks guys for the replies. WW stopped by tonight to drop off kids and just helped herself right in the door. Pissed me right off. I'm going out of my way to avoid her and she marches in like nothing has changed, even came to MY bedroom and opened the door. She's fucking delusional. The more time goes on, the more I'm really getting pissed off about the whole situation.

Then I find out that out of the total of 4 hours she had the kids tonight, she had friends over for most of it and spent half the night chatting with them instead of spending time with kids. Documented, you selfish b#tch. Lucky for me my 18-year-old always goes along and gives me the real scoop. Although he's getting to point he doesn't want to go see her if he's going to sit there ignored.

I have to move up my timeline on filing papers. Need to get things in writing and then start on the hard ball. I thought I wanted to be friends, but she's so self-obsessed I'm starting to think that's not a person I even want to deal with. Man, it's amazing how much your attitude can shift in the course of a day.

Good last post, man! Keep documenting and file as soon as possible!

Was feeling a little down this morning, but nothing like early yesterday. WW sent a single text asking if kids made it to school. I waited like 90 minutes and sent a reply, "Yup, they made it". That was it. Then nothing for hours, and she just now texts me a pic of her friend coming out of dental surgery and all loopy on pain meds. Like look at this, Ha Ha, how funny. This is a friend she's known for 2 years yet never introduced to me, in spite of repeated requests from me that we get together for lunch or dinner. Was always some excuse.

This is also the friend where she was supposedly staying during those weeks in March while she decided whether to save our marriage, and I found out later she was actually sleeping with OM most of the time. Oh, the icing on the cake: OM met the same friend within a few weeks of them being together. So no, I don't find that pic particularly entertaining, and didn't bother to reply. WW is still living in Fantasy Land, thinking we can be best buddies. I had to go run couple of miles to blow off some steam, and now feeling pretty good again. Exercise does amazing things for your mood.

Her life is exciting. She wishes she could share her happiness with you.

She is lost her mind. Her life is different and exciting and yet she treats you like a friend as if you were never married.

Completely delusional, cognitive dissonance to the max, I dont know. But you are doing fine not going along.

Why dont you change the locks on the house, that way she wont be just bopping in as if nothing is wrong. How would she like it if you just bopped in her house now and into her bedroom.

LW, you're probably right. And funny enough, after my last post, she tried calling. Needless to say, I wasn't answering so straight to VM - no message left. I guess I'm partially to blame since I was in my own fog that 1st few weeks and lead her to believe we could be "best friends". I've really been stepping back last couple of weeks though and looks like maybe she's starting to take notice.

Since OM got a new job, he's gone every week night from around 2-10pm, so of course she starts feeling lonely, wants to reach out. Well, welcome to reality sister. I hope she is starting to miss the man that was by her side for 24 years, almost every day, the one that never betrayed her. No idea what's going through her head but I'll entertain myself at least imagining she misses me. In the mean time, I'm out making new friends every day, getting involved in new activities, spending time with my kids, working out and getting in best shape of my life, basically becoming a better person all around. All the things she used to say she wanted; now she can sit by and watch and I really hope the regret hits hard.

HA,

Believe me we understand the hoping she thinks and hurts and that one day she will regret! Let time take care of that brother. The sooner those thoughts dont cross your mind anymore, the better for you and the other brothers here doing the same! Its normal, I did that as well! I got told the exact same things im posting here. Now, I can care less about those thoughts. Believe me, I thought I would never get over that, but I have. You will as well, just keep doing what you have been doing.

As for the door locks, I highly recommend that brother. Thats part of protecting yourself. Understand that your wife is in fantasy land and pretty much INSANE at the moment and in her eyes nothing will get in the way of stopping her from her "Happiness"

LW, you're probably right. And funny enough, after my last post, she tried calling. Needless to say, I wasn't answering so straight to VM - no message left. I guess I'm partially to blame since I was in my own fog that 1st few weeks and lead her to believe we could be "best friends". I've really been stepping back last couple of weeks though and looks like maybe she's starting to take notice.

Why in the name of heaven would you want to be friends with someone who would do what she did to you? I really do not understand this mentality.

Do you think she actually sees you as a friend?

No. She doesn't. She sees you as her good old pushover husband who would jump at the chance of taking her back. You are her fallback, Plan B, old faithful.

You can come to a point of acceptance, you can be cordial for the sake of the kids, you can sit quietly at the other end of the bleachers at school functions where you have to be with her. But you don't need to be there for her to bitch about her aches and pains to. You are not her girlfriend.

Keep letting her calls go to voicemail and only talk about the kids and divorce. This is what she wanted. Give it to her.

And change those locks.

so what is your gameplan Hurt ? When are you going to file ?

BP, as I said earlier, my wanting to be friends with WW was just the first couple of weeks after DDay, when I was so desperate to keep her in my life that I was willing to do or say anything. I guess everyone processes differently and maybe you went straight to pissed off, but that wasn't the case for me. I was in my own fog, and it's taken some time to distance myself from it and realize that I really wasn't to blame for any of this and WW has a lot of issues that I can't help. I still plan on being "friendly", which I regard as a lot different than "friends".

I'm planning to change locks within the next week, and plan to file for D by end of the month. At this point, the only thing holding me back is coming up with the initial retainer for the attorney. I'm not quite sure how everyone gets attorneys on board so quickly around here, but I've spoken with a couple and I need to come up with close to $2k just to get the ball rolling. I make decent money but don't have that kind of extra just sitting around, so it takes a couple of months. I still have to pay the mortgage, utilities, buy groceries, etc. and with 4 boys, the grocery bill is huge. Not to mention, 2 of my kids are special needs, which comes with a bunch of extra expenses, including services of a professional education advocate. Those are not cheap and typically charge similar to an attorney. If anyone has good ideas on a way to come up with retainer money faster, or knows of attorneys who will work on a payment plan, I'm open to suggestions.

[This message edited by HurtnAlone at 10:02 PM, May 5th (Tuesday)]

My L took credit cards. Charge now, pay off later in increments. In my situation it was well worth it.

How fast do you need to get out of infidelity?

Credit cards would be fine if I had any. Filed for bankruptcy 4 years ago and swore I would never get into that situation again, so no credit for me. Thank God, as I'm sure WW would have ran up the bills and left me paying most of the tab.

For some reason, it's been rough nights and mornings last couple of days. I do fine during middle of the day when I'm active, but been having a hard time sleeping. And for some reason, getting the damn mind movies about WW and other man, even though I didn't have problems with those much before. I usually snap out of it by afternoon after reminding myself what she has done to me and the kids, then start getting mad again. The roller coaster sucks.

Ok, how about a garage sale? Get the kids involved by having them clean out their rooms for things they don't need anymore. Everyone gets busy and it can take your minds off of the situation. Plus, it makes for great bonding opportunity between you and the kids AND you get more room in the house.

In the mean time, I'm out making new friends every day, getting involved in new activities, spending time with my kids, working out and getting in best shape of my life, basically becoming a better person all around. All the things she used to say she wanted; now she can sit by and watch and I really hope the regret hits hard.

EXCELLENT!!

Friends become lovers, often; lovers friends, never.

Stay strong, HA

JDuff, good idea about the garage sale.

Thanks Canoe. Encouraging thoughts but the friends I'm currently making are either men or married women. Not really interested in moving either of those to "lover" status, LOL. I'm deliberately not looking to date right now, as I don't think I could honestly give anyone a fair shot. I would certainly be open to single women friends, assuming they were willing, and if it slowly progressed over the months, then that would be great. But not really sure how to meet people like that. Guess as I keep getting out there socially, opportunities may just pop up. Thanks everyone for the support.

Brother, I know exactly what you mean with those retainer fees. Its costing me about the same and while I have on CC, I really don't want to throw just 2 G's on it. Plus, I have to refill the retainer account every couple weeks to ensure the $ is there for the lawyer to keep using. Sad thing is, this was the cheapest lawyer I could find...

The rollercoaster... I'm right there with you. Night is usally the roughest for me. Its been getting a little bit better but its still rough. It just seems like I have nothing better to do than just lay there and try to figure out what the fuck my WW is thinking! And for every answer I think I come up with there's a dozen more than spring up.

My son's B-day is tomorrow and its been pretty hard this week with those thoughts. It just flabbergasts me that she could CHOOSE to miss such an even in her son's life.

During the morning/day I'm just angry. I get so fucking pissed that we could be replaced so easily in her life that I feel I could decimate an entire terrorist driven thirld world country by myself with only a bowie knifes... And at night, well, I just get depressed. I get lonely. And I feel sorry for myself and my boys.

I say enjoy your singlehood for the moment. Don't be on the lookout for any romantic possibilities. I say enjoy a cold beer when you want it, watch the TV shows you never got to watch with your WW around, and grill every meal you can! MAN FOOD!!! Just enjoy not having to answer to anyone at the moment. The relationship stuff, that'll come on its own. You'll either meet someone randomly or you'll know when you're ready to mingle with the ladies again.

ArmyGuy, I don't get it either. How can a mother CHOOSE to miss her own son's bday?!! There's no making sense of the delusion our WWs are in. Mine is just as bad. To give you an idea, every year we have always painted eggs the night before Easter, and then made baskets and hid them around the house for our boys. We always did it together. Well, this year, Easter fell after DDay for me, but WW had committed to coming over the night before and still helping with all that stuff. Keep in mind, this was before she dropped the bombshell on me about OM #2.

So I waited and waited, no WW. Finally did the egg painting with the boys before it got too late. She texted saying she was still coming to help with baskets. Time keep ticking and around midnight, another text saying she's out with friends at a bar and will be home within the hour. Another hour goes by and finally get a text she's too drunk and can't drive so not coming. I was crushed. Ended up making baskets myself and doing a half-assed job of hiding them, since I was totally depressed. No idea if she was actually out drinking or with OM #2, but it was totally shitty to choose anything over her own kids on a major holiday like that.

It's rough brother. I don't know how you make sense out of insanity.

Its a mystery, man. Its like dealing with crackheads, I swear, I don't like trying to make sense of any of it because I know I can't, just as I'm sure you've found out.

Its just time, brother. That other four letter word that seems to hurt and heal all this shit. I know I'm doing all I can for kids, as I'm sure you're doing too. But there's this gap in their lives that only a mother can fill. No matter how good times, movies, playing catch, etc., it will never be enough to take that pain away from them.

I hate this shit, man. I hate it.

Thanks Canoe. Encouraging thoughts but the friends I'm currently making are either men or married women. Not really interested in moving either of those to "lover" status, LOL. I'm deliberately not looking to date right now, as I don't think I could honestly give anyone a fair shot. I would certainly be open to single women friends, assuming they were willing, and if it slowly progressed over the months, then that would be great. But not really sure how to meet people like that. Guess as I keep getting out there socially, opportunities may just pop up. Thanks everyone for the support.

I hear ya. I think you may have mistaken what I was saying. I'm saying the WW's often fall into the arms of a "friend"...and, I was saying that it is impossible to be "friends" w/ an ex-W, especially an ex-WW. I'm not suggesting you pursue romance just yet (your head is on right; you're right-you're not ready for that yet, and you shouldn't be).

Stay tough, brother. You're doing super.

Of course SHE wants to be friends. If you're friends, it means she's not a deplorable, lying, cowardly, sad excuse for a human being. I mean, who would be friends with someone like that?

If you're friends with her, then what she did wasn't really a big deal, right?