SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

If, as you say in your earlier post, that the MC session is to establish an amicable split, I would just stick to that, and not even discuss the full truth or what you know. That ship has sailed. It can only be used against you somehow, I am afraid it will come back to bite you.

Also, please memorize M1965's post before your session. There is literally no way that he isn't 100% accurate.

I completely agree with Sharkman:

Also, please memorize M1965's post before your session. There is literally no way that he isn't 100% accurate.

By the way, I wonder if WW's friend, the judge (!!!) could be sued by OBS for assisting in alienation of affection, or breach of conduct? Should a judge be an active accessory to an affair, passing messages and advising on how not to get caught? Not sure judges are supposed to do that kind of thing...

I doubt that the law would recognize a cause of action against the judge for her involvement, but I wouldn't be surprised if the local bar association were to take an interest in it.

I suggest the OP discuss this with his lawyer once he retains one.

digifuwill, if that MC sessions turns into an ambush just know that it won't be the first of such scenario that has played out on this site. Look up Donegone's story. He had in his possession his wife's laptop that held evidence of her affair. His wife manipulated everyone into thinking that Donegone had anger issues, was delusional about his claim if her cheating, and used the MC session and their daughters to try and pressure him to relinquish the laptop.

Right, so WW plans on telling me the full truth at this Mc session. I'm skeptical, because she's still trying to figure out what OBS and I have said to one another, and because I don't think she can get more than 2 minutes into any discussion about the A without going on a 10 minute rant about something my mom said to her some 10+ years ago.

Do you have any suggestions for questions I should ask her? This may be my one bite at this particular apple. My prediction is that she will bottle up completely again after tonight, and the only way to get additional info out of her will be via legal remedies.

I'm glad I read your recent comments, because they will make me especially cautious about what I say during the session. WW has already advised me that she wants me to tell her at the session the specifics about my conversations with OBS and also how it is I know so much.

Possibly related, I discovered this morning that my laptop is suddenly not working properly. IT says it's not a virus. My kids had no clue that there's a problem with the computer. It's hard not to suspect that WW busted it while she was home alone yesterday. She often throws things when she's angry.

I would urge you to call off the MC session. Your WW is not going to admit to anything she doesn't know you already know. At the same time, she is going to pump you for information and, given your nice guy attitude, your going to say things you will eventually regret.

The most important thing for you to do right now is get a VAR and record every interaction with her so that she can't set you up for a domestic violence charge.

The second most important thing is to retain an attorney and start to get legal advice.

She has proven herself to be devious and unprincipled. Don't underestimate the harm she can do to you.

the mc session is not for R, it's for establishing sufficient trust between us to enable an amicable termination of the marriage, rather than an ugly and expensive one.

Does your WW know this? Or is she under the impression that you are working to R?

She along with the coaching from the judge are going to cut you off at the knees, why doesn;t she spill what she has done? It's not up to you to tell her what you know and if the MC allows that. fire the MC.

I would cancel and say on the advice of counsel you will not attend the MC and will reschedule in a week.

Having a judge on her side is very dangerous, judges have long reach with lawyers and the police.

protect yourself with a VAR carry it in the open and remind her you are recording.

Be very careful.

[This message edited by MickeyBill2016 at 5:09 PM, April 25th (Tuesday)]

Digi - I just wanted to add my support to the many others who are suggesting that you call off the MC session. I don't see much upside if any - in fact there's probably none. But there is a LOT of potential downside to you, as described by others very well. Once you're in there, it can go any which way.

You've done so much right and clearly have the upper hand. If I were in your shoes, I would:

- go see a lawyer immediately - there is a lot to talk about, including how to deal with Judge Judas's weird interest in helping your WW continue to betray you and your family

- limit my contact with WW as much as reasonably possible

- keep posting here and keep considering the advice you're getting here, because these SI folks are total rock stars

Digi,

I have to say that I agree with Alchemy. I think you should not go to this session.

With your WW determined to get information out of you, and her proven track record of minimising, lying, and denying, you stand to lose far more than anything you might gain.

And really, what is there to gain? You have said you want to divorce and start a new, better life, so why not cancel this session, and talk to your lawyer about the best way forward. Your lawyer will provide you with far more truth and honesty than your wife ever will.

You already know that she has been cheating for years. I understand that getting her to admit what she has been doing would help you get honest and proper closure on this, but why would she give you that, particularly as you have outsmarted her by obtaining all that information? You have said that she's a control freak, and to her, knowledge is power. Why would she hand that power to you? She's mad as hell that you have found out so much, she isn't going to willingly give you anything more.

You could always say 'I don't see any point without the full truth'

Why does she's need to do it in front of a third party anyways?

I have to agree with all of the fine folks here who are encouraging you to scrap this appointment with the MC. Regardless of the premise of this being set to figure out a way to behave amicably during the divorce process, she's told you clearly she wants answers regarding your conversation(s) with the OBS, which are, as I am sure you understand, absolutely NONE of her business.

I'm running through my head any scenario in which such a meeting with the MC would turn out favorably for you, and I'm coming up with zilch. With the WW (and possibly the MC) asking you crappy, goading questions, it's almost impossible to expect that you'd remain super-human and not let something slip which you'd regret. I really hope you don't give her the opportunity.

If, for whatever reason, you actually decide to go through with the MC appointment, I'd suggest coming with a list of things you'd like agreed to (for the sake of a civil divorce), giving it to the MC, and saying, "Everything I'd like to know or have to share is in writing and MC has it. I will not be answering one question which isn't directly and only related to how we can achieve an amicable divorce." If she pitches a fit or balks at that as your MC reads it aloud, get up and walk out.

What I see is Digifull has been the somewhat passive partner in this marriage and WW has not been under any compulsion. he started being assertive with contacting OBS and it results in WW (and POS) facing her(his) first crisis.

He should continue to show more and more alpha behavior. This might even result in R which he sometimes show interest in.

I also think he should pressure OM by contacting him and getting information. He is lurking behind with no repercussions.

Since OBS came to know about it WW's fantasy world is somewhat shatters as she is frustrated with POS playing damage control.

Digifull can take advantage of this WW's new found frustration. Even putting D papers will further corner her and her sense of invulnerability will further suffer

She often throws things when she's angry.

If this happen again drive her to throw more things and call 911.

Unfortunately most men who are facing adultery have been somewhat submissive in their marriages

[This message edited by goalong at 6:45 PM, April 25th (Tuesday)]

At this point, you know what you need to know. The affair is at least 2 years, probably much longer. She is just scrambling to get the upper hand.

Which is why any discussion with your intentions only hurt you at this point. I doubt you get any more info that helps you, but I suspect she will try to get some info to get the upper hand against you.

Just shut up and let the lawyer do your talking about the divorce.

I may have missed it..But did you get the VAR yet? Do it. Immediately. Get a few of them. Keep one one you AT ALL TIMES. And place one in the bedroom, and one in the living room.

She is setting you up. She's trying to provoke you. She's going to try to have you arrested for DV. The VAR is to protect you from going to jail.

Like..seriously...if you haven't bought them yet, do it right now.

It started before we got married. I know from looking at him that my son is mine. I can't look at my daughter without thinking that she may not be mine. I told WW that she needs to arrange a DNA test ASAP. I can't go another day without knowing. Every time I look at my little girl I hate myself.

WW told her mom this afternoon.

I'm so sorry, Dig. No one deserves that, least of all someone who seems like a decent guy like you.

Apparently, your wife was never who you thought she was. That is some pretty heady stuff. Why on earth did she marry you? Never mind, I know the answer: she is deceptive to her core.

Get custody and a settlement worked out pronto and get away from this woman as quick as you can. I suspect your life will improve quickly when you do.

I am sorry sir. Think of more awful things happen to people and they still stand on their feet.

Pain is certain. Suffering is optional - Buddha. If it is not the case, I think you need to sign up for some kind of counciling

You need to pause literally every plan in the world and

1. get a lawyer TOMORROW

2. Get a DNA test on daughters.

Everything else can wait.

Dig,

First of all. I am sorry.

When you have the strength, please tell the OBS. Slthoghnyou said you wouldn't contact her any longer, she deserves to know. Especially considering she is soon supposed to go away on reconnecting trips.

i think first taking the legal route against the pos is better (for monetary reasons). telling obs right now might result in pos and ww getting together negating that possibility. beside obs seems to be passive