SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Why are posters focusing on the OM and how Wounded can hurt the OM? How will that make his situation any better?

Fact is – like it or not – that the university doesn’t give a hoot. And since WW wasn’t taking classes for credit they probably are right. Legally but not ethically.

Fact is – posting flyers, stalking classes… counterproductive and make WH look like a lunatic. Enforce WW view that the affair was inevitable and that she was doing the right thing.

Wounded – Well now you KNOW. If you want to hang onto something then you could take some note in her “needing someone” but frankly that would be on par with believing in the tooth-fairy. Fact is your wife is EITHER extremely deep in the fog OR committed to the OM. Probably both. Fact is that while this is the situation there is NOTHING you can do other than move on.

While moving on there might be a chance your WW wants to reconcile. If she does then that’s your call. However chances are that as you move on you pick up momentum and soon it will be too late for her. To me the ONLY valid goal is that YOU recover.

Regarding subsidizing your rent. Now would be a great time to get all the joint finances out of the way. Your in-laws being the landlords should help you in getting out of that ASAP.

Let OMW know you met OM at WW house.

Wounded – how is your thesis going on? Can you focus on that for now?

On top of Bigger's post...

.I went back to my old place on the 13th, to grab some stuff, and walked in on her and the OM. Fully clothed at least, but that was a nice shock on what was our 7th anniversary.

And:

Perhaps. But then, my in-laws are my landlords. They know what the story is...enough comments have been dropped. And they told me to keep my keys. We'll see though...

OK,

Do her parents AKA the landlords know that your WW is bringing the OM onto their property?

Especially if they are supposedly pro-marriage (yours), I seriously doubt they would approve of your WW having OM over, what next, he will sit down with them all for lunch?

IF they do know, and haven't marched him off the property, then that does not bode well I am afraid.

Keep strong.

PR

ETA: Spelling

[This message edited by PhoenixReborn at 6:32 AM, September 15th (Wednesday)]

So the Univ won't take any action?? Maybe it is time to contact the Pres of the Univ and tell them that unless they take appropriate action you are going to the Press and the local New Channels with the story??

I am going to have to respectfully disagree with outing the professor and the university to others.

Most people I would know would think this was a very deeply hurt husband, NOT a lunatic, and quite frankly, I would not want to spend my $$$ to support a university or a professor that was so unprofessional.

I would not count on the inlaws support in the long run, she is still their daughter and who knows what she will tell them...

I am very sorry you are in this situation, I think hard 180 is the only way to go for your well being.

How is the OM's wife reacting to all this?

Why do I have this sudden vision of Wounded "auditing" every single one of POSOM's classes from here on out? I see him sitting there, not speaking, staring dead ahead with a steely gaze...

Oh, and in his right hand, he's holding a large claw hammer. He's not doing anything with it, mind: just holding it

LMAO! Oh, that's funny...hmmm...

While I do appreciate everyone's support and thoughts, I really have no interest in hurting OM anymore. I could have done so the other night...I could have put him in the hospital, and gotten a slap on the wrist, given the context.

R is not possible. I'm fine with that as I sit here and type this. I am sure I'll vacillate on this issue, but I will never again mention the possibility of R to WW. No point in me telling her family OM comes to visit.

No, I haven't told OMW, and I could really care less. I can't fight her battles, and she hasn't shown any interest in communicating with me anyway. I want nothing to do with the three of them. I want to finish getting my stuff out, and get on with my life. I'm an archaeologist, and I've turned down over-seas opportunities before, since I was married. Now, I'm free to take them. I plan to look into a few, and just go. Leave all this behind me, and not even tell her I've gone.

Bigger: Yes, I have been able to work on my thesis a little. It is tough, but I am getting through it. Our finances are separate.

Oh, and get this. She called tonight, when I was out. I wasn't out with anyone, just out, but she started to fight with me, so I told her "I can't do this now, I'm meeting someone and you are putting me in a bad place". She was pissed that I might actually be seeing someone! She said "Why should I feel guilty if you are seeing someone?" I replied she hadn't felt guilty yet, so I doubted she was suddenly starting to. Petty, I know, but it made me smile all the same.

She was pissed that I might actually be seeing someone! She said "Why should I feel guilty if you are seeing someone?" I replied she hadn't felt guilty yet, so I doubted she was suddenly starting to. Petty, I know, but it made me smile all the same.

Excellent!!!!! Now, hard 180. Let the healing commence!!!

I want nothing to do with the three of them. I want to finish getting my stuff out, and get on with my life

.

Then go for it.

Get your stuff out. Not a piece at a time but simply get it over with. No delay or excuses.

Next time she phones then DON’T carry a conversation. Simply tell her that you two don’t have anything left to talk about and then cut the line. Don’t respond to any communications unless they involve separation issues.

Glad you took my reply in the spirit intended (black humor vs advice).

Perhaps we do become a bit over focused on OP/OPS around here, mainly because it's the biggest lever available to cowed BS who are in denial and walking on eggshells around WS.

But that's not where you find yourself, is it? Given your resolve to detach and move on, I still wonder if you shouldn't just file now based on adultery, rather than waiting out the 1 year separation and dealing with her crap the whole time--she doesn't seem the type to leave you in peace simply because you asked.