SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Well, I guess one thing that is very apparent here is that it really has nothing to do with what the AP's do, what schooling they've had or not, what they look like, whether they are younger than us, older than us, young or old...we really just don't figure into the picture at all and really, neither does the reality of them. Just whatever fantasy our WS assign to them.

How many educated women and men here have never cheated in any way?

How many stay at home mom's and housewives have never cheated?

How many attorneys or nurses or folks on food stamps have never cheated? (really? In this day and age, with so many struggling...are we going to use that as an indicator of 'worth'?)

It would seem all that matters is boundaries...you've got them or you don't. You may have them now and not later or you may have never had a reason to even think about them until you are waist high in a moral dilemma or impending disaster.

Some people learn. Others go on to be repeat offenders and really seem to deserve nothing more than shunning (or worse) for the rest of their lives. And that, friends and neighbors, is why it matters not whether you are college educated with a silver spoon perched betwixed lips at birth or born in a barn.

Attempted OW 1- old hs friend, newly divorced, lost a bunch of weight and in newly found freedom heat.

Attempted OW 2- old gf who refused to screw him as a teen because he was 'too big' but regretted it years later. Se was in a lesbian relationship and they wanted him to father their child and then some...didnt happen but nice ego stroke to him I guess.

Very blurry lines in here...hard to explain but really screwy. Lots of people and bad juju.

OW 1- old friend who had always had the hots for him but she was too young and he didnt think of her like that. Years later, after hiring a PI to find him, she hooks up with him on fb. This story is complicated and blurry too.

She is something in television production in California. Lots of dollars. College educated.

OW 2- sad, old hs friend, single mom..very lonely. Don't know what she did. She really just needed her own stable family and love. She had no idea she was causing me any harm. I hold nothing against her.

OW 3- very wanting to spread her wings 21 yo married girl. Their relationship broke up her previously thought happy marriage.

No college, worked at same place as H as equals.

This situation was really the beginning of serious loss for me but this is because of him, not her. I understand and can identify with her and what happened. It's my H who is the lothario.

OW 4- his "platonic lesbian friend"

Frumpy, mousy old hs friend who always liked him.

Don't know about schooling or job.

OW 5- she's hard to say. She lied about everything. Like every word that came out of her mouth was a lie so I'm not sure the truth about what she did or didn't do but as far as I DO know: she may have had a little college or a lot. Some, I'm just not sure the truth of how much.

A lot according to her...she almost a nurse but I don't think that's true. She also worked as a project manager for a well known financial institution. When I met her, she was working for a cruise ship line selling vacations. She was fired from there for FMLA fraud.

When I kicked her disgusting, evil ass out of MY home, she had no job, no money, nothing.

She has two daughters. The eldest fights with being disgusted with her (even without knowing what her mother really does with her life) and her youngest is a minor who lives with her dad while mommy dearest has supervised visitations. Youngest literally cringes while her mother is around her. I didn't understand why but I do now.

Anyways, that's most of it. There's more but when you've lived a poly or swinger lifestyle, even reluctantly, some of the lines get extremely blurry.

The common theme is that all the women were really hurting and wanting so bad to a. Have what I had...a husband who dotes and glows with adoration for his wife.

Yes, it's true. Despite all my H's crap, I'm the goddess. He's never wanted to be without me and he's never, until recently, understoody why I would be hurt when I'm so above it all. It's ridiculous because I've been devastated but he wasn't getting it...and b. they needed a serious ego boost (in some cases, not all) and what better way to do that than to take the goddess's man who adores her so much, it literally radiates from his every pore? Right? Well...they've all done just that and I feel like a fool. Or lost. Or something. I no longer know.

I'm sorry, I cannot write a succinct post at all. I barely even talk in real life but here, all the emotion just comes out in a blathering explosion.

high school counselor who taught parenting classes with my WH

MBA in marketing and advertising. Her real duties? Making reservations, and little booklets for meetings. And those all important christmas card mailings. She never kept a job for more then 1.5 years. Most were 3 to 6 months. Now has switched to real estate and rental property background checking. Shes 36 and still single. She sells insurance to high risk out of her apartment. She wants a sugar daddy. Shes a leech and very lonely.

OW in our case...

Everyday Sociopath

That about says it all!

OW is unemployed, divorced (she was married once) with 5 kids by 3 different men. She is going to a career college as well - to do/be what? Idk. She also craves fame (she tried modelling and acting but failed) so she has put her kids in everything imagineable so they can be the "next Tyra Banks".

I started this discussion to show that reality is not a stereotypical AP from any specific walk of life. They come from everywhere, literally. Scary in a sense, but it shows that boundaries must be up at all times. There is probably a bit of sociopath in all of them and that includes the WS as the other half of the A.

One pattern I see in this short list is the availability and close work/social relationship between many of them contributing to the A. I am old enough to remember the backlash when fire dept, police, and EMT dept added women to their rosters. The wives of the men were up in arms about a women living or riding with their husbands all day. Again, it all begins inside the person with boundaries and I now know they have to be discussed nearly every day for my peace of mind. I want my H to remember he does not have to be polite to everyone and some people need a quick, swift kick out the door.

multiple academy award winner

She was a stranger from another state that he happen to sit next to at a hotel bar while away on business. She is a PR director for a college, mother of 3 still not divorced from her husband but went on to have another affair right after her affair with my husband and currently lives with that one.

I have found this post very interesting and glad you started it. I know that you asked about "AP's" and I hope you don't mind if I put my thoughts out here about prostitutes. Not exactly the same thing I realize, but I have asked the same thing, "who are they?".

I have wondered about the numerous prostitutes my WH was with overseas, what kind of young women were they? I happened upon a photo of one sitting in a living room, looking very average. What I know about them is they come from various countries to Dubai, I assume to make money. I wonder if in some cultures prostitution causes shame on their families? I wonder why they are willing to be subservient and pretend to "want" old, out of shape, westerners? I am guessing that they laugh their asses off making fun of the dumb ass men who think they are their "girlfriends", just my guess. What do they do with the money? Do they fear STD's, getting robbed or beat up? Did someone teach them how to be a prostitute?

I wonder if the prostitutes have been sexually abused when they were younger? Did they ever have a boyfriend? Do they have parents who care about them? Do they have goals or dreams for the future?

I wonder if they will ever be able to be in a normal, loving relationship and have a family someday? Do they have any respect for themselves?

I don't hate them, I hate what they do. I hate that my WH contributed to their messed up lives.

LCSW(Licensed Clinical Social Worker)who was also working at a sports facility with WSO.

Failed entry level Mall Wart manager, currently a lumber salesman. Married father of 3 - 2 graduated, 1 in HS.

[This message edited by Crumbled324 at 1:56 PM, September 12th (Thursday)]

Production worker at a factory 500 yards from where I work. Twice divorced with one kid who is being raised by his family. He appears to have Olympic sprnter speed as every time our paths cross (the curse of living in a small community) he rapidly leaves the area.

Isn't it sad that I read each and every one of these posts to see if our OW was OW to one of you all.

OW - teacher, cross-country coach, part-time pet groomer with a small kennel in her garage.

And a married mother of two until she and my H became engaged. Now she's a single mother of two.

[This message edited by sudra at 8:27 AM, September 13th (Friday)]

She is a dental hygienist.

He was an unemployed, married, father of two kids and old high school friend. also an arrogant, lying, cheating narcissist.

student / receptionist

Who is the AP? The office mattress.

Simply put, an AP that knowingly engages in an affair with a M person is a:

selfish, dishonest, lying, arrogant, morally deficient, poor excuse for a human being.

As for the MOW my WH had an A with:

I do not know her so I will rely on what she told my WH her BS always called her:

A Moron

[This message edited by RidingHealingRd at 12:11 AM, November 1st (Friday)]

Disgusting piece of shot....that's her profession

OW#1- EA- High School GF

OW#2- EA/PA- RN student, 20yrs old, single

OW#3- EA/PA- Hospital desk worker, married mom

OW#4- EA/PA- Half house worker, single

They were all co-workers. I feel there were more that I don't know about.

The majority were people in close proximity to me, with the exception of one. No place, no profession is safe. There are safe people and unsafe people.

Teacher (my coworker/friend)

Admin in manufacturing for a family business/ also "good" friend"

she stood up for me in place of my sponsor in church during my conversion and that act is the reason I that after I completed full communion I did not go back. I found out a few weeks after and could not go back. I stood up in front of the entire church with her hand on me...and this was almost a year after my Dday...so...I'm pretty sure I don't have to explain how that feels.

Bartender in a dive (an acquaintance)

Teacher aide (an acquaintance/my coworker)

Sales person for major mobile provider (fwh's coworker)