SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Looking at my post again, think I may have worded it badly.

If someone was to ask her the following questions, I think her answer would be:-

Do you approve of a ONS within M?. Yes, as long as it's just that

Would you have a ONS in your M? No, as my H does not approve and I intend to respect his wishes

Other Q's - good point about wedding ring, looked at photos and she is still wearing it.

As for the guys who asked her to bed, got details of that. 2 were just drunk and lumbered up to her and asked her. The others followed time in their company, but just chat up, nothing physical.

I think you are right about me not setting boundaries in the past, and this sending the wrong message, but I've never bothered about her flirting in the past and kissing is not cheating in my book. Maybe I've tried too hard to be "cool" in the company of other guys, unlike some male friends I know who have attractive partners and get stressed out whenever they are both in the company of good looking men.

[This message edited by norwichman at 10:56 AM, July 21st (Monday)]

MJ I thought the same exact thing.

Her boundaries are the bigger problem - she's the only one who can keep her from cheating.

Your boundaries are a problem WRT things like you want her to commit to monogamy but have been unwilling to fight for that, and you want to appear cool while she flirts, when it sounds like you're really angry, sad, and/or scared.

You can request that she change where her boundaries are set, but it's up to her to agree or not.

Her boundaries are for her. Yours are for you.

[This message edited by sisoon at 11:05 AM, July 21st (Monday)]

It's definiteley a slippery slope.

It is putting her into an environment in which she will be tempted to cheat or maybe even encouraged to cheat by her friends.

The Ow in my husbands situation wrote in emails I fount that her friends encouraged her to cheat.

Also, I read in an affair book that some psychologists are referring to boy's and girl's night's out and vacations taken without spouses as a "death knell" for a marriage.

I never wanted to go out drinking with the girls or even to dinner. Also, I had no interest in a girl's only vacation.

My husband, however, always insisted on boy's nights out and men's only vacations.

He eventually did cheat. I only discovered one affair, but I suspect more.

good point about wedding ring, looked at photos and she is still wearing it.

Both my wayward and his affair partner wore their rings throughout the affair.

Wearing her wedding ring and sleeping with her OM was never a problem for my WW. To her the wedding ring is just jewelry.

I didnt read this entire thread. sorry if I repeat a question.

Did you tell your wife that you were not comfortable with her going on this holiday?

If so. and she went anyway then that would be a very large red flag for me.

This is triggering some not good memories for me. so Ill bow out now.

I think I can understand what is going through your wife's mind. She beautiful and gorgeous and life is slipping by so quickly. she flirts with all of these guys in Ibiza to the extent that 6 of them asked her to bed. She chose one but couldn't make that final step into adultery. Maybe she had doubts about him.

From her perspective, whats the sense in being gorgeous if you can't use it to enjoy exciting sex with the very best looking guys. The ones who respond to her open flirtation. She has a special gift and can't use it. Bummer.

She's ready to make that next move into infidelity anytime and it nothing to do with you, and I doubt if anything you say will make a difference. She knows you will forgive; she's too much of a catch; you will lick your wounds and move on.

What would cause her to hold off from infidelity since you would not be willing to divorce? Probably a threat to make it an open marriage with you willing to bed any available woman you can get your hands on. A tit for tat declaration of war. I don't think she ready for that.

Maybe you should give Norwich a little more as to why you say that or what makes you think that.

Well, being a FWW gives you a little insight into how other current or potential waywards behave. His wife has poor boundaries, if any, honestly. She's made it clear, on numerous occasions, that if given the opportunity under the right circumstances, and with the right person, she'd cheat without hesitation. She is pretty damn open about it because she knows how accepting Norwich is about her flirty behavior. She openly flirts in front of him, that's how comfortable she is with it. She has Norwich convinced that she is soooooooo incredibly irresistible that men are just magically drawn to her and that she has absolutely nothing to do with that, at all. Mmm hmm. Sure. He believes her, that's what's so sad about all of this.

[This message edited by MissesJai at 5:18 PM, July 21st (Monday)]

I took a walk and did some thinking. Id like to share my experience.

I thought I M someone out of my league. Beautiful. funny. smart. engaging. When she enters a room the lights the place up.

I didnt know what she saw in me. but I thought I had won the lotto.

Through our M Ive had problems similar to yours. Men coming on to her while I was out of sight. And her lack of boundaries.

Read my story in my profile for more info.

Through our M I was continually tortured by her lack of boundaries and inappropriate friendships with other men. My *jealousy* was the subject of jokes.

Then her LTA and Dday. Since then you know what Ive figured out?

My WW is the one that M out of her league. Im the catch. not her.

I may not be the best LOOKING specimen on earth. but at least women dont throw stones at me. What I am though is loving. compassionate. dependable. and hard working. What I wanted more than anything in the world was for my WW to be happy. Ive not forgotten a anniversary or romantic holiday ever. Through out our M I made a point of always having date nights and I did all I could to keep the romance alive. So inside this mundane package Ive got it all goin on.

A woman being able to make mindless hookups is NOT a sign that any woman can boast of. Hell. Most women can do that. A easy woman is no catch no matter what she looks like.

What I see in your story is a very low self esteem. You DESERVE a woman that doesnt cheat on you. You DESERVE a woman with strong boundaries. You DESERVE a woman that thinks you hung the moon.

A wife that says she will cheat and that a ONS is not a big deal? Man you are SO out of her league.

Well, being a FWW gives you a little insight into how other current or potential waywards behave. His wife has poor boundaries, if any, honestly. She's made it clear, on numerous occasions, that if given the opportunity under the right circumstances, and with the right person, she'd cheat without hesitation. She is pretty damn open about it because she knows how accepting Norwich is about her flirty behavior. She openly flirts in front of him, that's how comfortable she is with it. She has Norwich convinced that she is so damn irresistible that men are just magically drawn her and that she has absolutely nothing to do with that, at all. Mmm hmm. Sure. He believes her, that's what's so sad about all of this.

What MissesJai said above is golden. She is telling you how your wife is manipulating you. Men see gorgeous women all the time, but it's the vibe she puts off that makes a man approach her. You will always have the few macho "I can get that women" types, but most won't approach without some form of signal. Case in point...your wife's flirty behavior. I'm a former wayward...I believe there was more than a kiss too.

I'm pretty certain it didn't get beyond a kiss with the guy on hol.

Last week the girl who ended up in bed with him explained her story when they came round to show photos. Seems he was part of a group of guys and girls they met on the final day and invited back to the villa for the evening. She saw him chatting to W, kiss him and then he came over to her. She told him that W was married and "out of bounds", he said he'd just found out that she wasn't prepared to stray and hoped that this other girl wasn't. One thing led to another and he spent the night in her bed. The following morning W and the girls got up early and left for the airport. So unless there is an elaborate conspiracy, nothing happened with W

[This message edited by norwichman at 12:22 PM, July 22nd (Tuesday)]