SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Just before they flew out, one of the other girls remarked that they would keep an eye on her. Joke, maybe, can't be sure

You're already wondering.

Maybe she told her girlfriends about your concerns. That would be troubling as well.

I hope everything turns out for the best.

I'm sending you strength, norwichman. And I'm fervently hoping that she makes smart choices while she's gone.

Spoke to her this morning. Last night they went to one of the big inland clubs in the centre of Ibiza. Not W's thing, but think she enjoyed it. She said she'd be honest and admitted that guys approached her all the time and 2 actually asked her to bed. She refused, and said that even if she were single she would have said no. No her type apparently. As for her friends, they all got blind drunk and have yet to score with anybody, much to their dismay. Apparently all the guys are drawn to W, and not the other girls. But for he next 2 nights, she's doing her own thing, staying with her friends who own the retreat, watching the footie and just chilling. Said she's rather be going with me to see Black Sabbath at Hyde Park, so at least she's missing me!

How do you feel after talking to her? Was it reassuring or do you still feel anxious?

Have a good time at Hyde Park, sounds like fun! I miss London a lot.

Reassuring in that she's not planning to spend a lot of time clubbing. Less so in terms of rejecting guy's advances as this seems to be on basis of their looks rather than her being married. I think whatever happens here or in the future, I need to come to terms to being married to a gorgeous woman. She's going to be a man magnet for many years to come as she's not one of these cold and aloof beauties, but very friendly and engaging. Luckily, despite her views on monongomy, her taste in men is very narrow unlike her friends who seem to be attracted to half the eligible male population. However, at the moment need to keep going down the trust and communication path with W.

Very attractive women are not magnets for male attention unless they have poor boundaries, IMO. Many beautiful women just have 'unavailable' written on them; your wife seems to be broadcasting the opposite, and you are letting it slide. Many betrayed partners here played the cool wife or husband who wasn't going to be irrationally jealous or controlling; unfortunately it means sliding your own boundaries so that what is normal and acceptable becomes less and less safe, and it leaves a lot of room for misbehavior.

Understand what you are saying norabird, but I think W would need a personality change to appear obviously unavailable. Thing is she's friendly and open to everybody, not just other guys. However, when she gets back we will chat again, because her tendency to flirt with guys she fancies is a concern.

Great gig in Hyde Park, BrokenButTrying, despite the late rain. When Tony Iommi crunches out those monster riffs, suddenly all is well with the world

How are things going? Did your wife call you from her trip or has she gotten back?

She got back last Monday and phoned most days, mainly to speak with the kids. We then decided last Wed to both go up and see the British Open Golf in Hoylake, so we've spent the last 4 days wandering the fairways with time to talk. But no time to post here until now.

As for the hol, she seemed to spend half her time with her retreat friends and had only 5 nights with the other girls, with only 2 nights out clubbing. The rest of the time they drove about a lot and had barbecues back at the villa. However, they still met plenty of people and W said that 6 men went as far as asking her to bed, but with one exception she wouldn't have agreed even if she was single. The one guy she did fancy was at a BBQ at the villa on the final night. A 24 yr old English guy who did ask her to bed, According to W he was absolutely gorgeous, but she told him no, as she is married. However, she did tell him that if she was single, she would have agreed readily, so all he got was a kiss and he ended up in bed with one of the other girls. One of their few conquests apparently and W maintained they exaggerated their ability to pull. So I'm confident nothing happened on holiday and we had the other girls round last week to look through photos and hearing them chat left me even more certain. As for the future, we chatted at the golf and W reckons I'm making too much of it and needs to trust her promise not to stray, even though she still feels that the occasional ONS should not be a problem. Not sure whether to push it further?

even though she still feels that the occasional ONS should not be a problem.

You're okay with this?

Deal breaker for me.

Is it a Deal breaker?

Thinking it - No.

Doing it - I've told her it would be a DB, but my own thoughts are that it wouldn't be

Doing it and then it leading to something else - Yes, a DB

As for the future, we chatted at the golf and W reckons I'm making too much of it and needs to trust her promise not to stray, even though she still feels that the occasional ONS should not be a problem. Not sure whether to push it further?

Her statement contradicts itself. Like she's not going to cheat but she's letting you know that she could cheat. It's like she's looking for you to say that's ok. To me this is her saying she's not 100% committed. Maybe just 99%, but if that 1% ever presents itself as an opportunity she's going to take it.

Personally that would make me really uncomfortable norwichman. Did you let her know your true feelings and that if she ever did cheat that you could potentially be devastated?

yop

[This message edited by yearsofpain25 at 7:28 AM, July 21st (Monday)]

but she told him no, as she is married

She is confusing and contradicting everything. And that is never good.

If she does want a real marriage with you, she and you need to get on the same page with this, IMO.

She told this guy no because she is married, yet she is fine with a ONS. But she told this guy no because she is married and it would have been a ONS.

Confusion like this leads to mistrust. I guess your conversation with her is about this confusion and contradictions. I know you havent thought about the handyman.

Fantasies are great, as long as that is all she has.

I thought about something else. If all of these guys were asking your wife to bed, do you think she took off her ring while on this trip.

I guess you could examine the photos from the trip.

Hmmm - I actually think your wife slept with the one dude she fancied. I could be wrong...

Hmmm - I actually think your wife slept with the one dude she fancied. I could be wrong...

Maybe you should give Norwich a little more as to why you say that or what makes you think that.

However, she did tell him that if she was single, she would have agreed readily, so all he got was a kiss

This in and of itself exhibits extremely poor boundaries.

Why on earth would she elaborate with that statement beyond a firm "No"?!!

She's giving them the come hither with one hand and lip service to the marriage with the other.

I'm sorry Norwich, but I think you guys are headed for trouble if it hasn't already found you.

W reckons I'm making too much of it and needs to trust her promise not to stray, even though she still feels that the occasional ONS should not be a problem. Not sure whether to push it further?

Like others have said, she's contradicting herself.

And honestly, what is she going to say. The likelihood that she would say "oh, I think ONS are fine, and even though you've said it's not ok, I'm going to do it anyway" is slim even if it's really how she feels.

However, she did tell him that if she was single, she would have agreed readily, so all he got was a kiss and he ended up in bed with one of the other girls.

Fact: She has poor boundaries. Period. And 99% of the time, someone with poor bounders in this area will eventually cross what boundaries they do have.

The fact that she sees nothing wrong with this behavior -- that she doesn't think she has poor boundaries is a HUGE red flag in my opinion.

poor boundaries = opportunity for something to happen and you not feeling safe.

I'm sorry men don't just come up to women and say hey - care to go to bed with me? That move is at the end of a night of.... essentially foreplay. Drinks, talking, touching, etc. Even in Ibiza.

To have 6 guys ask her to bed means she engaged in a TON of inappropriate behavior. You know this for a fact - she admitted to KISSING a guy she thought was very attractive. What the everloving f#*&?

Are you honestly ok with that?

Are you honestly ok with a wife who thinks the occasionally ons is ok?