What are you doing? Devising plans, posting old pics, saying things like 'that girl died last night' as if she's a victim.
This will be my last post in this thread. Before I go"
No, a polygraph would be out of the question, I think, as she might even leave and we would have to go through all of that mess.
Your wife, your partner for 30 years, knows you don't believe her. She doesn't care. YOU won't ask her to take a polygraph, because she might leave. That's just ridiculous. If she refuses, you have your answer - she knows. If she takes it, you have your answer.
These games are silly, and you won't get an answer by playing lovey dovey nonsense. She didn't tell you yesterday. She didn't tell you last month. She hasn't told you for 30 damned years!!!
If you won't come clean, tell her you demand an answer, or things between you won't be the same because you know she's not interested in being honest, then just drop it. These games are foolish, and my guess is she's seeing right through them. She knows what you're up to. Why the F would you bring up her having sex 30 years ago when looking at a picture of your first weekend together, and then act so understanding, playing "Us" vs "Him". This is a fool's errand.
Why are you afraid of your wife? You know she's lying. She knows she's lying. Tell her you need her to take a poly because right now, you don't feel secure because you don't feel like you can trust her.
She's not going to divorce you because you call her out on her bullshit lie. That's just ridiculous. Just as with an affair, you cannot nice her back, and you cannot nice the truth from her. She's carried her lie for 30 years. You really think you're going to be prince charming for a few weeks and she'll just tell you? That's just not living in reality.
If you won't demand the truth, like I said, you should drop it. But those lines you were saying? They wouldn't fool a 5 year old, sorry, but they're as obvious as anything I've ever seen.
I wish you luck, but honestly, cheaters lie until there is no other alternative. 30years later, when discussing this topic, yes, she's a cheater. That is the reason anything to discuss exists, right? So, cheaters lie to protect themselves, and they do so until they are completely out of options.
Do your lovey dovey thing again. Bring up her cheating again. Then say, "I know you say you don't remember, but I really have trouble with that. It's causing a huge wedge between us. I really wish you would tell me his name." When she says she doesn't know - tell her the only way you can believe that, based on what you've seen, is if she takes a polygraph. BAM! You'll get your answer right away if she's lying or not.
If you're just going to play games, I suggest going to a hypnotist to see if they can make you forget all about this event. You're not going to get an answer this way.
And to answer your question, If she falls 'back' in love with you, she'll be more protective of her secret, because she won't want to ruin the 'specialness' of the relationship in it's current state. Admitting to being a liar would ruin it, so no, she won't be more willing to tell you. She'll bury it deeper and never admit a damned thing.
People only fess up when they're about to lose everything. If you give her everything, knowing she's lying, she has ZERO reason to fess up, ever.
Stop the games. Tell her you want a poly to see if she's being honest. Tell her at this point, it's not who it is, but the fact that you feel like, after 30 years, you can't trust her.
Let her sit on THAT, not on some lovey dovey romance that will only prove to her that shutting up was the right thing to do.