SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

"I think we should break up"

K thx bye

Wow, that sums it all-up. YOU SIR WILL UNDOUBTEDLY LAND ON YOUR FEET. You got the shit sandwich but conducted yourself so well.

RickyBobby,

I know that this is not how you would have envisioned your future, but I have followed your thread since your first post, and I am glad for you that you have found a resolution for the situation that will allow you to move forwards.

I simply am not going to give someone access to 50% of my assets again. I don't think not wanting to marry should preclude me from having a happy relationship in the future, as distant as that feels to me right now.

I think you have the best outlook on this. I think it is very positive that you have not written off the potential for you to have a happy and rewarding relationship in future. It can be hard to come out of situations like these with a lot of optimism left, but I always think that just because a relationship with one individual did not work, it should not be taken as a sign that other relationships are bound to fail, or are not worth the effort. I think the opposite is true.

Please do keep us updated from time to time. I always find it incredibly encouraging when people who have been betrayed post stories about how they are now doing well.

I really wish you well, RB, and I am sure that you will find happiness, and a great new relationship, in the future. You have so much potential, RB.

Been a while, but thought after today it was worth an update.

Moved back to N. America in mid-February. My brother is letting me sleep in his home office on a cot until I get sorted. Have bought a new car, bought a condo downtown which I'm currently having renovated, and have been skiing for past few months (40+ days this season). Also doing a lot of cycling and may do some racing again for first time in a couple of years. Starting to look for work which is going to be a long process I believe. So have been feeling like I'm slowly making progress, though much of my thoughts are still on my ex-wife/our marriage/etc. Haven't had any contact with ex-wife since mid-December 2017.

But this AM I woke up to a real gem of an email. My ex sent me an email letting me know she is (paraphrasing) 13 weeks pregnant, baby is healthy, and she is starting to let people know so she thought I should hear it from her. She knows I don't to be contacted, so she's sorry about that. And finished with " I think of you so often, and of our times together. You hold a very special place in my heart and I will always love you. " So considerate of her to think of me and my feelings <sarcasm>

Not sure how she got knocked up again, she was single 4 months ago. But at least she is consistent in continuing to make poor life decisions not just for herself but also her unborn child. Amazing she was the person I was with for 14 years.

This is all pretty disturbing, but I think it's helpful for me to know now that she has certainly moved on.

This is why you have to remain "No Contact" with her. And that means NO CONTACT. Change your email, phone numbers, and don't give her your new address. Ghost her again and this time stick to it. If by some chance she tries to contact you refuse to acknowledge her in any way. Zero. If you run into her on the street just turn and walk or run away.

If you want to get to a place of healing and peace you must be tougher with yourself and don't allow her to penetrate your thoughts. Good luck.

Amazing she was the person I was with for 14 years.

Sir, I could have typed those very words. I was also put on the road paved with shit by a cheating wife in a nearly 14 year marriage. I'm still in the early stages of extracting myself from that. My resolve to do so mirrors that which you exhibited. I tip my hat to you...

Time to update your spam filter.

Wow RB. Too bad it took so long getting free. Your ex contacted you to tell you she was pregnant? She sounds like a psycho. I hope you're doing well and that you find a job in your line of work quickly. It sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders. Take care of yourself.

They change, my friend.

The woman you once knew is long gone.

Dead.

Hey Ricky,

I’m so sorry this has happened to you. You have, and will get all sorts of advice here. I can only speak from personal experience when I say, if they show you who they are, believe them!

Hang around, the tactical primer and the 180 are essential reads, no matter what you decide.

My $0.02...People don’t just bang once and walk away...they only walk away when they think they’ve sewn up a better deal elsewhere.

IOW...this has been planned a while.

Find out who knocked her up, forward him the email. Leave it at that.

I hope your reply is crickets.

I have no intention of replying to her email. There are many things I'd LIKE to say in response, but there is no point.

As to who knocked her up, rumour is she made a withdrawal from the sperm bank....and isn't with anyone. Though of course I'm curious, knowing with certainty will make no difference in my life. That is clearly her life now and I am no part of it.

Just back from 4 hours on the bike and with lots of time to think I have decided this is a good thing. It's going to help me move on.

Really appreciate everyone's responses.

You are handling this like a champ. I'm proud of you.

Well Sir I'd like to say "Congratulations" on your non-fatherhood status .

Seriously, congratulations on getting free of that. I second the spam filter update idea.

RB,

I think that the proverbial 'crickets' is the best response to kill the correspondence, but I can understand why you can think of a slew of appropriate responses.

This confirms the wisdom of your decision to divorce her and move on. That is where your focus should be. You have a ton of potential now that you have broken free of her, and I have absolute confidence that you will find happiness.

Perhaps she left knowing in her heart you didn't really want a family. That's a sad family with a dad who wanted to be free, not wanting the obligations and limitations of a family. It sounds like you love your freedom and she knew it.

I think she loved your life together and wanted to transition to something else. You want to keep on as you always have. Her child will make her so happy and I don't think she was fishing for any thing else other than to tell you she's happy now. Move on without anger and find happiness too.

RB

Great to hear from you. And glad you’re building a life again back here on this side of the world.

I think you escaped a life full of crazy. Put things with her in your rear view mirror and start looking forward to what lies a head.

No need to respond to her. She is no longer a part of your life, just a part of your past.

Good luck with the new place and focus on getting that new job and meeting new people.

Please keep checking back in to let us know how u are doing.

Take care.

You definitely dodged a bullet. One of the lucky ones I'd say.

Been a while but thought it was time for an update.

I've been living in my new loft since end of June, still finishing up the last bit of renos but almost there. A bit of electrical, the last bit of tile on the fireplace, and some repaint of areas we've had to redo due to change in plans. Loving having my own space after so long in 'our' apartment and then 7 months of couch surfing. Done a huge amount of training, come camping with my family and lots of social things with friends here. Unfortunately I still haven't been able to find a job but that's not stressing me out...yet.

But I've really been struggling the past couple weeks. Think having a big crash training about 4 weeks ago (yay to the entire left side of my body having road rash from laying it down at 50 kmh), then another two weeks of not being able to train due to forest fires, didn't help. But it was all brought to a head this AM when I finally got Airbnb to unlock my account and the first thing I see is a big profile pic of her kissing me when we were in Rome. I lost it a bit.

I still feel like a big part of me is missing. Many times a day I see/do/experience something and think I can't wait to tell her about it. Then, of course, I instantly realize I can't do that and say to myself, "fuck", "fuck her" or some similar thought. And that always makes me feel a bit sad. Has it got better over time? I don't know, I kind of thought it was getting better but after the last couple weeks I just don't know.

Frankly, I still struggle to believe she did what she did. Or maybe it's that I don't understand...and how can I? I never will and I accept that. But I still miss her so much.

I know this is not a "JFO" post, it should be somewhere else, but I started this here so will continue it here.

Hope you're all having as good a summer as you can (or winter for my antipodean friends).