SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Damn it, my daughter ended up not losing her first tooth this week. It's nearly an inevitability that it will happen next week when she's with WW. Makes me so mad.

Part of the little frustrating things that being separated brings to us but you will get other moments that she won't !! Take care!!

Just read the thread.

I think reality has yet to hit your soon-to-be ex.

Thanks. I suppose there is a part of me that wants to believe that. At the same time, the divorce is proceeding along, we've been living apart for a couple of weeks and we hardly communicate, she just put in an application to rent her own apartment, she's taking the kids on vacation by herself for a week starting today, etc. I would take those as all signs that she's realistic about the difficulty of R and that her long term road to happiness is not that. I have come to the same realization for myself. At one point she basically made the offer to R if we would rugsweep the As and the way she treated me for the two months post DDay. While that was a big improvement over her offer made a couple of weeks post DDay that we have an open relationship, I'm pretty happy, so far, that I had self respect and rejected that "solution."

Had my first date in 15 years last night. Conversation was good, but no chemistry. She might try to fix me up with her friend. Anyway, have another scheduled for tonight and again tomorrow night.

gentle heads up on the dating thing. be careful for a while. you need time to heal and work on yourself. probably not ready to be dating yet. alot of us dont follow that advice and end up doing it a bit, then wish we hadnt lol.

I've seen that advice a number of times now, but without a lot of specifics about what that means. My IC said something similar and when I asked her what I should be doing between sessions, she didn't provide any real guidance. Maybe I'm not attuned enough to my emotions, but it feels like wallowing isn't really going to propel me forward. I already understand what I need to do to be a better partner next time around (although the wayward activity of my spouse is all on her). And my plan it to keep things casual for a long time. It's not much more than meeting new people, akin to me attending a conference for work, except maybe with the possibility of connecting on a more personal level. I dated my STBXWW for about five years before getting engaged and then we were together another two or so years before getting married. Clearly I wasn't a good judge of character, so I'm not looking to jump into anything quickly.

The hardest part seems like trying to get to know someone without being sure how to disclose why I'm single. Also, it feels like I need to develop some hobbies outside of my DDs to aid in the conversation.

Ugh, two dreams in the last two nights. First it was her telling me that they were doing drugs (which is out of character for her) together and planning to move to Texas together and last night it was a garbled text that made no sense. I suppose the content doesn't matter that much, as it's just dreams. The thing is that I've really moved on, but now I can see how STBXWW has the possibility to haunt me for a long time to come.

I had a good date last night, 4.5 hours of conversation, after striking out the prior two nights. I'm not sure that there is a physical attraction, but maybe worth investing in another date to see if something more is there.

Should I be moving my posts going forward to another board? I kind of feel like my JFO story is over, but there is something about having the full story in one place that seems to make sense too.

How goes it NYT? Saw the divorce may not be as simple as you hoped. Is that true? Are you both basically talking thru lawyers at this point?

Stevesn,

Well things are looking up for me. Got my daughters back on Saturday and against the odds my eldest's first tooth had not fallen out yet! It fell out yesterday and I got to be the tooth fairy. This morning she was elated to get a couple of kinder eggs and cash. On the walk to camp, though, she asked me if the tooth fairy really exists or if I gave her the candy and money. It was a good time to re-emphasize to her how important having an open and honest relationship between the two of us will be. So, I confessed that the tooth fairy isn't real. She seemed to handle it well.

This weekend I also got the STBXWW to open up about what's going with the delay on her side regarding the divorce. She disclosed to me that her lawyer was advising her to consider the implications of equitable distribution, thinking that she would be owed money because my net worth is nearly 2x hers. However, most of my assets are premarital and when she told me her net worth I quickly realized that she would likely owe me money in the divorce. She started bawling when I walked her through it. That should help expedite things from here. Also, any point she looks to negotiate will come with a price tag now that I know that I've got the upper hand. I can't decide if it's worth trying to get every last penny I would be owed, or just to reach a settlement and move on with my life.

All in all, I'm in a much better mood these days. I know that the roller coaster isn't necessarily over, but it's also hard to see what could drag me down.

So, it turns out that I did actually reach OMS2. She contacted me last night to thank me for letting her know about her husband's affair with my STBXWW. They are separated and getting divorced. And get this, he's also had previous affairs. Sounds like he and my WW deserve each other. Best of luck to them!

Really good to hear from you NYC.

Glad you reached the OBS.

Are WW and POSOM still together?

Are you divorced?

And how are u and the kids?

Keep up the strength.

[This message edited by Stevesn at 2:52 PM, September 9th (Saturday)]

Lol, with both of them being serial cheaters, the chances they won't cheat again is zero and none. Be very glad you have not reconciled with a serial cheat. Serial cheaters are hardwired to behave like that.

My own experince is that it was actually a good thing to longer be 100% trusting in anyone. Expeience is a hell of a teacher. Anyway, trust in anyone now has to be verified. Being older, it does shock me how many people can lie at the drop of a hat. Many people lie when the truth would serve them better. Being skeptical doesn't bother my good humor in the least. Liars can be bery entertaing though they may not know that. Lol

Good luck to you and your kids!!!!!

Stevesn,

As far as we (me and OMS2) can tell, STBXWW and OM2 are not seeing each other. He just moved out to another burough last week and, ironically, my WW had just moved much closer to his old place. I assume that they are seeing each other very covertly or will be together when the dust has settled more. OMS2 told me they were enhancing "I love yous" (which I was lied to about, but the words didn't matter so much as I already knew the feelings were there) during the time I thought we were trying to work through things. So there is no reason to think that they will not be together.

Still working on the D. We are close on most everything except the monetary and custody. Sounds like a lot, but I'm hoping the resolution will come over the next week or so now that her lawyer is back from an extended vacation.

I spent the week leading up to Labor Day at Burning Man. It was amazing and something I would not have been able to experience had I stayed in the relationship. On the way back I stopped in LA and went a date with a girl from my hometown that was there visiting parents. We are getting along great and I'm hoping it's not just a "rebound" thing. But if it is, at least we have fun while it lasts.

My DDs are adjusting well, jus started school this week. My eldest continues to ask questions about the As and D and I continue to be as honest and age appropriate possible. It has caused some friction with STBXWW, as she feels that the truth is disparagaing to her. I may suggest some sort of counceling with a family expert to iron out these issues (and ensure she doesn't try to get full custody).

There was a thread on here I was reading the other day about BS more likely regretting staying together than D. Put me in that camp. Even though STBXWW was a serial cheater, I found out about it all at once. OMS2 went through MC (they stopped going 3-6 months before he started sleeping with my WW, as OMS2 had come to feel he was completely remorseful and trustworthy again) and everything, only to end up in the same place.

I'm sorry for everything you are going through. This is probably the one of the worst stories I've heard on here. I understand you want to reconcile but the feeling has to be mutual. Whether she is in a fog or not is hard to tell. When my WGF of 5 years' 1.5 year-long affair with multiple guys was exposed she snapped out of the fog almost immediately. She was literally throwing up realizing what she had done and what she had done to me. I'm 2 months out and I'm considering reconciliation but I still feel that more time needs to go by for myself to heal and for her to see if she really wants to be with me (apperantly she's getting a tattoo that will always remind her of me in some desperate move to win me back). Anyways, I hope your weekend outing goes well for you. I'm sure you'll know if your WW is finally being genuine and if sparks begin to fly but if not I'm glad you understand that D is probably the next step. This is a difficult time for you and I'm sure having kids with her makes it even harder. I can't even imagine what you must be going through. Stay strong and know that this community is here for you whenever you need it.