SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

MattinCT Holy. Shit. My brother, I am so very sorry you're here. Your story is MY story except they (thankfully) didn't have sex in my house. It was in my family van behind a Home Depot.

1. PLEASE EAT - ready made Protien shakes saved my life. Force them down.

2. DON'T MAKE ANY DECISIONS - There's plenty of time for that when you get some months under your belt. I gave myself 6 months. The first 3 months are trauma crisis care.

3. DON'T TELL ANYONE ELSE - Too many people have their opinions. They are NOT in your shoes. Tell one friend that you trust and get into individual Counseling right away.

4. LEARN ALL THE ABBREVIATIONS - It's absurd that this community has so many abbreviations. I have no idea why but it will definetely help to get the lingo down.

Please be well brother! This cup of shit will pass. I can tell you honestly. I'm three months in and life is starting to get better. I'll pray for you...

I applaud you for taking decisive action and immediately taking control of a sleazy situation.

Your actions make WW and OM look like truth-struck idiots.

Get that attorney meeting as soon as possible. From what I have read then infidelity can factor in the decision for spousal support and division of assets. Ask your attorney about that and the level of proof you need.

Matt – You have two paths out of infidelity. Reconcile or divorce. I can fully understand your decision to divorce. I walked in on my then-fiancé having sex with OM and I know that can be a very defining point to decide what path to take. I must say that I think the house, the street with Dan up the road, your kids playing together and all that would seriously make me think of moving… But that’s me.

If you have second doubts about D and/or want to R… well… we can also offer you help there. It’s your decision what options you want to explore, and our job to guide you.

I do not believe for one minute Dan and your cheater were fucking everyday M-F for several months. After 2 or 3 weeks of fucking everyday it would get old. Not buying it.

I believe it Matt.

Just look at A1's case.

Cheaters do what they do best, they cheat and they get addicted to it.

I am happy you are moving on with things for your own welfare

My XWW was having sex twice a day, 5 days a week, with her AP for over a year. It's very possible.

And cheaters minimize, they don't exaggerate.

[This message edited by GoldenR at 8:17 AM, December 10th (Sunday)]

There were weeks when they couldn’t have sex every day, but I believe they did it as much as they could. How would it benefit Dan to over exaggerate the number of times?

Wouldn't surprise me if it was every day for him, and 3 times a week for your wife. Is she the only SAHM in the hood?

House has a point. This Dan guy is a predator. They usually bounce around multiple houses with multiple women.

Matt, have you seen him or his cuckolded wife lately ?

Matt do not pain shop. Past is gone. Do what you want to do towards R or D. You are a guy of reason, you can get through this to your best under these shitty circumstances

I haven’t seen Dan or his wife. I’m not buying that he’s a predator, it takes two willing partners to cheat.

Just FYI, if he came over your house, I can guarantee the type of conversation/text they had.

Her: He’s at work

Him: I’ll be right over

Let’s be honest, neither was the predator. They were both willing participants.

Your BS will throw history,sex, kids in to the reconciliation process. She’ll come at you hard.

Lawyer up my friend.

She can throw whatever she wants at me, there will be no reconciliation. I will maintain a civil relationship with her for our kids, but that’s it. I talked to my father-in-law the other day, he’s not tolerating her shit either. She’s not allowed to wallow in self-pity at their house and she’s getting back to working more shifts this coming week.

Super, now get that meeting with your attorney as Bigger stated.

Something to consider. What actual proof do you have of the sexual infidelity? If you have it then keep it secure. If you don't have it, then perhaps prompt an incriminating email or text from your STBX.

Your attorney will know. Ask them.

Great Job!

You have a good and wise father in law.

I’m sorry that this has happened to you and your family. I believe most WS’s end up in their own self spun cocoon of infidelity with little or no thought that their actions should be of any concern to anyone but themselves. They can’t see how their straying would or should affect their spouses or children. It’s something just for themselves to be concerned about in their own minds.

Unfortunately for them, their thoughts betray them and what is truly important in their lives. In the end they will have to reconcile in their own hearts that the person who so viciously damaged the ones that they love, is themselves. That is a very tall psychological mountain to climb.

It appears you have a plan and a direction and are well in control. I don’t think you need much guidance and I thank you for keeping all of us updated. If you stick around here after you’ve moved on and out of infidelity you’ll see that you start to get attached to the BS’s that arrive here looking for help in their desperate hours of need.

Hearing from you and learning how you’re doing; heading if you have any questions or concerns we can assist with; and finding out that you’re progressing well on your journey can help ease the nervousness we feel for you. So thank you for checking in, even when you feel comfortable with your current approach.

Take care.

She blew up her family for a sleazy fuck.

Damn shame.

You're handling things like a pro.

Without going into the details, I caught them having sex in one of the spare bedrooms.

From Matt's OP.

Hey Matt in CT

On page 6 you indicated by staying and working through this crap your WW placed on your shoulders..you would NOT be setting a standard of an acceptable relationship...proper boundaries...

But also...you might consider the lesson regarding 'forgivness'...that too is a valuable trait to instill in your beloved children...that 'to forgive is not a weakness but perhaps the ultimate strength'.

I am NOT a good example for 'forgivness'...my WW committed her offensive A..in 1993/94...and in times of my weakness...I realize I am still on the trail of tears toward 'forgivness'..but my father was an adulterer..so I learned never to forgive in these circumstances.

Mattin..you have an opportunity to give your children an understanding of 'the power of forgivness'..far from being a symbol of weakness.

You appear very capable of making good decisions on behalf of yourself and your children..God bless you as you ponder this with the assistance of a good lawyer, your family and your inlaws...WW is in all 'cross-hairs'...

Hi Matt,

I am going through a similar, but not identical situation. You seem to have things under control and, just like me, have received great advice from the good folks in this forum.

I will echo Bigger here and encourage you to meet with your attorney as soon as possible. I took that particular bit of advice to heart and don't regret it one bit. I am an engineer, not a lawyer, so I really needed the crash course in my state's divorce laws that only a local attorney could provide. As they say, knowledge is power. Becoming fully aware of the legal requirements AND the judicial climate in your region is critical. Nothing about divorce or separation is fair to the BS, but excellent legal counsel can go a long way towards mitigating the damage. I am fortunate in that my DDs are grown so I don't have to worry about custody issues, but I can imagine that portion of the settlement may be more important to you than the property division.

Best of luck. We are all rooting for you.

I think every day over a long period couldn’t be sustained, but over a shorter time frame absolutely. The sexual part of my wife’s affair went on for about 3 weeks. No weekends, but almost every other day, yep.

My guess is that after the job was completed and he wasn’t around all the time, there would have been weekly drop ins that would have gone on for years. My wife swears she was don3 with it, but never bought that. I would bet your wife also will come back with the I had already decided to end it. Super common.

You are doing the right thing. I do believe some affairs really might be for them, but to be banging someone from the neighborhood, in your house, was designed to be a FU to you