SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

So I don't think I gave the latest update. My son had treatments last week that my WW took him to for the week. They came back Friday and she left that night from about 6-10. I'd presume to see him as he is on my I'm town on the weekends now (possible due to affair).

The next day my WW left the house at 11 am. I got a text from POS wife that there was a pic on Facebook of them together. Obviously this was hard....it put a visual to the betrayal. I'm not going to get into all the questions/emotions as I'm sure most can understand....but that's why the last couple days have been hard on the heart

LeukemiaDad2017

You ask where God is. Friend – just MAYBE God is the power that made you find this site. MAYBE we and our suggestions are the answer to your prayers.

Maybe a bit arrogant, but still – has anyone offered you a better path out of infidelity than we offer? What made you search for us? What made us reply to your posts? What makes us not allow you to slip away?

God – in whatever role and name he is to you – is there. He’s guiding you, only he no longer sends burning bushes and clay-tablets with messages. He empowers YOU to seek help and assistance and gives YOU the tools and the power to work your way out of this hole your wife left you in.

OK LD…

Believe it or not you do have some positives…

It’s all relative… Like that guy that got his arm caught in the crevasse in Utah some years ago… the guy they made the movie about… the one that eventually sawed off his arm? Well… for him the positive was that the OTHER arm was free so he could use it.

That is your positive – You have been placed in a shitty situation, but you have the ability to do something about it.

There are people here on SI that went through an extended period of hope. People that have listened to their wayward spouses promise change and fidelity, only to find ongoing infidelity. You don’t have that… You have a wife that is dedicated to her affair. Therefore, YOU know your options. THAT is your positive. You don’t have false hope or false reconciliation.

LD – I want to focus on one thing that can help you. One step. One inch on the path out of infidelity:

Have you exposed the affair? Have you told stakeholders or someone that could impact either of you (WW or you) about what’s going on?

I am not talking widespread, all-out exposure (although that can be easily justified). More like telling a friend, a brother, parent, in-laws, boss… just anyone that could possibly impact your next steps.

That impact might be anything from pulling her out of the fog to guiding you onwards to your next steps.

Plus often talking about a problem with another person simply makes things clearer.

If you haven’t shared what’s going on with another person – live and not online – then make that your goal of the day.

[This message edited by Bigger at 9:14 AM, July 10th (Tuesday)]

Another negative-turned-positive is that you know your waywaed wife is horrifyingly evil (as only an evil mother would disrupt the home and traumatize the children when one of the children is undergoing cancer treatment).

Why is that a positive? Because it means:

- It ain’t you, it’s her

- She is no prize

- She is not worth fighting for

- The other man is worthless unethical scum

- You are a better off without her

- You will find a better partner

- You should pull out all stops to get custody because you are the better parent

She’s evil. You’re good. Shed no tears for her and recognize that a stepmom may be a better parent than her.

LD,

Hope your coping as well as you can. Keep your focus on your children. Your proving yourself to be stronger then you think. Hope your a keeper to disengage from her for your own sanity. If you haven't gotten a VAR yet, get one and keep it on you. Don't argue with her. Don't give her the ability to make a false domestic violence charge on you. Have been keeping you in my prayers.

Well, I've been better....this is the hard part or so I hear. I haven't heard exclusively but I'm pretty sure she got served today. She's been rather bitchy and asked me when I was moving out as well as trying to tell me when I was going to move out by...more control issues.

It's so sad that it has come to this. I find myself questioning what was ever real (I know this is a normal feeling). I hope she someday sees how good of a man I am....only then will she see or feel anything close to how she has hurt me

You don’t move out. You ask that the court move her out. You ask for temporary custody and rights to the home. You tell the court what kind of woman she is. You crush her.

As per the script provided:

If she starts talking divorce-details:

“I want the Ford and the house and the boat and the furniture and the….”

“I am too emotionally attached to this marriage to ensure I am reasonable both regarding my rights and my obligations in divorce. I have asked my attorney Mr. I. Eat. Sharks to front and deal with all aspects of the divorce. Please contact him or have your attorney talk to him with your demands.”

WW: “When are you moving out?”

LD: “I am too emotionally attached to this marriage to ensure I am reasonable both regarding my rights and my obligations in divorce. I have asked my attorney Mr. I. Eat. Sharks to front and deal with all aspects of the divorce. Please contact him or have your attorney talk to him with your questions.”

I am so sorry you are dealing with all of this, LD2017. A gravely ill child is heartbreaking and traumatizing for all involved. How is your DS doing?

You ask

Where is this all mighty God when you need him.

and I want to respond to this.

I do not want to undermine yours or anyone else's faith. That is not my intention. I have nothing against anyone's faith in God as most of my FoO are very devout Christians and I love them deeply and sincerely. They are the best! I am a product of 10 years of private Catholic schools. Not only did I want to be a nun when I grew up but I wanted to be a Saint and willing to be a martyr.

However, at the age of about 12 I started to have questions. Deep burning questions. I would drive my teachers, nuns, crazy. One just threw up her hands and said "Faith, sms, faith!"

So, fast forward many years and my "faith" . I tried for so long. Fake it 'til you make it. Couldn't stop the questions. I finally realized that if there was a God, then he knew I didn't really believe, so who was I faking it for? When I finally let go and admitted to myself that I didn't believe I came to a place of peace. I am not fighting with myself and doing the mental gymnastics that I needed to do to continue with my personal farce. Coincidentally (?), the catalyst for my finally admitting the truth to myself was my FWH's infidelity.

My dear sister is so concerned for me. She has asked me to "believe" as there is no harm in believing. And, I agree with her. The dilemma is, though, you can not make yourself believe, even if you desperately want to. BTDT.

If you are truly wondering about your faith in God, or lack thereof, there is a thread in the "I Can Relate" forum called Agnostic/Atheist Support Group. It isn't very active but you are welcome to stop in and read and post if you so choose.

Wishing you strength, healing, peace and serenity on your journey, LD2017.

When are you moving out? As the person who abandoned the marriage and thereby the family, shouldn’t she be moving out.

She’s a piece of work. Get instruction from your lawyer on how to proceed on when and if to leave. I strongly suggest that you carry a VAR to record all of your conversations.

Many women, especially a WW are instructed to try to get a restraining order against their husband . Doesn’t require evidence for the “family “ courts to get the father kicked out of the home.

Forget who she was in the past, she is at war with you. Don’t play Mr considerate in the hopes that her seeing you take the high road will soften her heart. Any more kindness is just going to embolden her to stick it to you.

LD,

Hope your surviving LD. If you need any help reach out. Hope your child is progressing along with his treatment in a positive manner. Hope you've been able to detach from your STBWW. Your in my prayers

Thanks for checking.

I'm doing ok. My emotions and mood are all over the place...Grieving the loss I'm sure. I'm finding myself flirting with other girls at this time though unsure if it's ok or not at this point....fuck it, I'm a mess...

Had anyone mentioned that trying to use this via mobile is a PITA.

It's a lonely night tonight....thoughts not so much about the affair but rather "why am I of so little value to her". What did I do that makes her think this is how you handle it? I know I will probably never know...We all think a lot of things right? I thought I had someone who was on my team through thick and thin...someone who would fight for me. Turns out, I don't have that at all. I'm not great at anything, but I wanted to be a great husband/father... Looks like I can't do that one either. God damnit, enough already

You are reading the fact pattern incorrectly. What really happened isn’t what you think.

Some people have low tolerance for pain, anxiety or hard work. When the going gets tough, they look for an escape from their reality. Affairs are one such escape.

Your wife was not strong enough to deal with situation. So she made an escape.

It wasn’t about you. Or about y’all. It about her being shallow and weak.

Your son is sick and you're the one STICKING BY HIS SIDE AND EVERYTHING THAT GOES ALONG WITH THAT TRIAL and you're saying that you're not a great father?

You need to get rid of that mindset RIGHT FREAKIN NOW because that statement is SO FAR FROM THE TRUTH!!!!

Your son (and kids) are so BLESSED TO HAVE YOU as their father!!!!

You didn't bail on them when things got tough!!!

Hold your head high as you sir are the epitome of a father.

If I was your kid I would be honored to call you my father and I think EVERYONE who has followed your thread would say the same thing.

I know you're hurting and you have so much on your plate right now, but you don't need to add to it with that type of thinking my friend.

Hang in there!!!

[This message edited by Booyah at 9:10 AM, July 23rd (Monday)]

You are great at something.... Being an outstanding loving father and husband. You have have weathered the storm of your child's illness. Showed strength, love, affection, comfort and compassion.

On the other hand your wife has a weak constitution. She couldn't handle the trials of dealing with a child with cancer. She needed to find valiadstion that it wasn't her fault. Now she has to live with the shame of her actions because she is too weak to own her shitty actions.

You are showing your strength believe or not. You are stronger then you realize. Your on guy our way out of infidelity. The pain is real. Your learning things about yourself through this journey. Your going to be ok. Actually your going to be more then ok. Your kids are going to grow to realize how strong you were during the dark times of your child fighting for his life. When uh ou do get through this and out of infidelity, there will be another woman there if you choose to love you for who you are and what you have accomplished with your children.

LD,

Hope your child is doing well right the cancer. Havent heard from you in awhile. Sure your moving forward out of infidelity. If you need anymore support we are here for you. Wishing you the best in this tragic scenario your in. You have been in my prayers all this time.

Wow, really appreciate that! Didn't think anyone would remember this after so long and all the other events going on here.

I've been moving forward with the divorce...slow process. She doesn't think I deserve equal time with kids but hasn't said why...so a bit of a stalemate.

Personally, I've branched out a bit. Even gone on some really basic "dates" which has been liberating. One day at a time. Thanks for your thoughts

Glad your coping. Hoping your child is doing well with all the cancer treatments. Hold your ground with your STBXWW. She is the one that abandons you with the kids so she can go play. Document everything. She cant run from the truth. Keep being there for your children. They need one sane response parent. If you think dating is ok more power to you. I'd talk to your lawyer about it first though.

Keep coming here for support. We are here to help you this turmoil. Again you n your children are in my prayers.

Hey LMD!

Glad to hear you are coping.

Avoid one major and basic mistake way too many people make when discussing divorce:

Don’t try to do this yourself.

Have a competent lawyer and listen to his/her advice.

Be fair but firm. You have a right to equal time with the kids and you don’t have to really argue with HER about it. Listen to your attorney about what you should do to ensure your right and that’s it. She can enter that courtroom demanding the kids, both cars and the cat, but unless she can convince the judge in a legally accepted way that she’s entitled to all that then it’s still 50/50.

If your WW has an attorney, then that attorney will probably try to reason with her. No need for you to take any part in that argument.

Plus it will drive your WW nuts when you constantly repeat the mantra:

“I am too emotionally attached to this marriage to ensure I am reasonable both regarding my rights and my obligations in divorce. I have asked my attorney Mr. I. Eat. Sharks to front and deal with all aspects of the divorce. Please contact him or have your attorney talk to him with your demands.”

I have thought of you all this time as well. I was hoping nothing scary happened.

Many of us question why the person who used to love us would now look at us as if we were someone completely different. We have been the same good people all the time. I am sure one day she will see this truth. Maybe she'll be too ashamed of what she did to admit it. It's hard to watch someone make a mistake of this magnitude, especially when they have been part of you.

There are incredible men on this site and I can't believe their wives are throwing away happiness without a thought. Likely they don't recognize the treasure they had. Please don't measure your value by a broken person. A good and loving person will see the truth.