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Said she wants to know if she can have more time. She does not want to get divorced. She wants to be with me and our family.

Gotta admit, I would be curious as to why she would think you would give her more time. Isn't she still seeing the OM? Does she expect you to wait while she does?

There seems to be a MASSIVE disconnect here. I feel like I'm missing something, or she's severely delusional.

Strength Brother.

clues are all around the narcissistic POS chose the baby. Do not forget your 2 months post Dday when you vented why me and family so expendable. In her infatuation you were relegated to some one who was threatening her. POS is the worst kind, use her two months after Dday knowing well you want to R. Hope karma get him.

If you are not interested do not ask anything about where she lives or what she does (other than where she take the kids). Do not increase her time with kids

[This message edited by goalong at 5:32 PM, June 8th (Thursday)]

Maybe she sees that the fun and games are over and is finally starting to realize the results of her actions. She isn't prepared to actually lose anything.

If you are 100% sure you cannot get over this, then stay strong and keep moving towards D. If you are not sure, waiting can offer two things. More pain and a longer duration of uncertainty. Or a chance to see if she is really starting to get it and time to see if R is a possibility for you. R is hard, rebuilding trust with someone who destroyed you is possible, but it ain't easy and it isn't going to come fast.

I have been following your story since you first came here and you have been through a lot. I feel for you. She currently sounds like she is feeling regret. She is waking up and understanding where she has really put herself. Its a step in the right direction. Its up to you, of coarse what you do. Trust your gut. You have done very well at handling this so far. Who knows what your future holds, but I feel you have done very well considering the pain you have been in through the whole process. You do get to decide if she gets more time, another chance, or whether you go straight to D and get yourself free.

I do know from experience, that you really don't get free. You are tied together through your kids. You will be in a relationship with her for years, whether married or not. I remember thinking I will be divorced soon and I will be free of her. After the D there was still a relationship, she still didn't respect my boundaries and I still had sleepless nights because of her. Be prepared for that. She will have new relationships and those people will be around your kids.

This is the hell that there is no end to. Welcome to the world of infidelity and the issues it causes. When your kids get older the problems gradually dissipate. Then the kids grow, the wedding can be awkward, grand children, more awkwardness. I live it, I know.

All I am saying is look at where you are right now. Look at the future and all of your options, not just the ones you can accept right now, but all of them. D may help you find closure, and it may give you a sense of freedom. But it is not going to fix it all. It may in the end be your best path. But take a little time and consider all of your options.

I am NOT telling you that you are going the wrong way, D may be your best path. I do not know your whole situation. All I am saying is don't get so set on a path that you don't at least consider all of the options.

Take care of yourself, I am pulling for you!

She says she broke it off with OM when she wrote the letter a week or so ago now and they haven't seen or spoke since, although they still work in the same place.

I agree that something has to be going on behind the scenes in regards to OM and what he is up to with OBS.

My favorite line of our conversation this morning was something along the lines of "when you were trying, I just wasn't ready to hear it uet.:

It may be the OM chose to try to work with his OBS, and threw your WW under the bus.

Hence, you being unfriended by OBS, or most likely the OM insisting on it.

She says she broke it off with OM when she wrote the letter a week or so ago now and they haven't seen or spoke since

Good thing she never lies.

She does not want to get divorced

they still work in the same place

While they still work together, not a chance in hell would I stop the D. Has she made any moves?

"when you were trying, I just wasn't ready to hear it yet.

Amazing how D papers will clean the wax out of the ears, isn't it? Or, OM has thrown her under the bus because OBS has also *laid down the law*.

In short, a lot of words, very few, if any actions. If, and I cannot stress IF enough, you are still even remotely interested, it might behoove you to give her a list of your absolute must haves before you would even consider R.

Even then, stress to her that there are no guarantees going forward.

It's your gift to offer. Attach as many strings as you need to feel safe.

Or, don't.

Got your back either way my friend.

Strength

Unlike before is she coming up with her own solutions and actions? Otherwise this is still waiting for OM keeping D on backstage. Her infatuation is strong judging from what she did after Dday. I think still all OM has to do is make a nod

I still have not seen her take action in any way.

I still have not seen her take action in any way.

And that's all you need to know

So she just texted me saying she'd like to talk. I said just text me what it is. She said her and OM spent the night with him a few times. I said while I appreciate you saying that but I already knew it would have happened and just shows the lack of respect you had for me and our marriage. What you need to be asking yourself is what you are going to do moving forward if you really want this. She said she thought disclosure would be part of that.

What else does she think is involved?

I've got to be honest. I don't think she's anywhere near remorse. Regret yep, remorse, no.

Have you given any thought to tour list?

1. She'd have to leave her job. They work to closely together.

2. Tested for std.

3. Complete transparency.

I don't even know what else. My brain is mush. There are so many shit things that happened that I can't even get questions.

Her: Yes I know, but unfortunately quitting my job or transferring departments isn't an overnight decision. And yes I know I've had time to think about it but I would need to have something set up before hand and I haven't been looking for other jobs.

Me: Ok. I am sorry to hear that. I don't think you've even said you'd be willing to do any of those things at this point.

Her: Honestly I'm not sure I would be willing to do those things at this point. It's not completely off the table but it's not completely on the table either. I'm sorry to say that.

Me: Ok. Well you work to closely together so I can't be on the table. So after cheating on me, you'd ask me to stomach the idea of working with him even though you say I am the love of your life?

Lol, she is something else. What a brave admission that AP spent the night with her!

Did she honestly think you only knew what she'd admitted to so far?!? Yep, it was all just holding hands, occasionally kissing, and talking on the deepest of levels... unfreakinbelievable. Man, I'm beginning to question her intelligence.

Actually, I think you can go ahead and shut down this conversation with her. She is not willing to address even the most basic starting point of true NC. Buh-bye, WW.

Things are just more and more ridiculous

I hope this will not lead again to a shell shock moment for you. If you are talking better to get a closure ASAP. Tell her the things she has to do at a minimum and get a yes or no answer. Then I hope you are strong enough to say we are done if she say no.

Is there a way to know she is on this new lease because OM dumped her. Probably you can put a feeler by saying OBS told you not to contact her because they are trying to work on their marriage.

Her living outside is unusual for someone seeking R. Is coming back an option? How are going to know they still do not meet. Can ask for all sort of tracking devices in the car and phone as an item in the list of conditions

Her not so earnest effort with no pleading etc shows she is still not out of the fog. Is she showing any anger/feeling of being manipulated by OM

[This message edited by goalong at 2:00 PM, June 8th (Thursday)]

Step 1: NC - they work to closely. They only work 3 days together but even 1 would be enough for me. She claims since she wrote the letter they have only seen each other once at work. Again they share at least a building and constantly cross paths so it could turn into 5 times a day. I am not good with that. If she wants me to be ok with that. It's over. I will not waver from anything I want. This is my terms plus some if there is even to be a thought about a thought about a thought of R.

It's not completely off the table but it's not completely on the table either. I'm sorry to say that.

Ummmm????

Are you sure this ain't an episode of reefer madness?

She's not *all that*. All in, all out. As simple as that.

You need to go hard N/C, discuss kids and finances only. When and if she has a different job, you can talk.

Anything else is just pain shopping.

Strength

No. She shows no anger or ill will toward him.

Just got off the phone with my attorney. Good times