SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Geez man, I read your whole story and it's pretty awful.

You handled and are handling everything the best you can. Just make that lawyer a priority, you are gonna need that advantage going forward pretty badly. At least talk to a few of them.

I'm sorry you had to go through this. At least you don't have kids together.

Hope everything goes well for you.

I've come a long way since my first post, mentally.. hell... even the last couple of days. I actually feel like I'm starting to heal somewhat.

I've always had the notion that you were a goal directed guy based on things you've shared about your background. You are taking control of your life again. You have a plan. You're executing it in steps as you can. And you're open to options. You're a planner, a doer, at the same time flexible enough to be open to possibilities that may crop up.

College now is your best bet.

It'll keep you occupied and you can get started on a great career.

Choose wisely

Just be careful of your ExW. That OM is a shiny new toy, but it will get stale. She’ll start looking for a new one and in between she’ll reach out to you for support. Do not fall for that.

Now I just need that motivation / kick in the ass to get out there tomorrow and start looking for a job--anything in the short term to have some income coming in.

I'll give you one motivation. The sooner you start making decisions and taking actions to start your new beginning the sooner you get there to start feeling better. There's no amount of xanac that can make you feel like you want to feel when you are on the other end of that tunnel, when you have finally cleared the shit storm forest. I know. I've done this. I met a better woman and married her.

Hi all, just giving you an update since this is basically my forum where I reveal the brutal honest truth that I can share in anonymity and not be judged by the people I keep in my life.

It may sound strange, but I decided to turn all of this frustration and anger and pain into a story. A novel is the idea, maybe a novella. I've only got about 11,000 words so far but it's still in the very beginning of the grand plot. The beginning was pretty easy and the end will be fresh, it's the middle... those 30,000 or something words where I need to fill it all in that I'm sensing I will have a lot of trouble with.

Besides that, I should be starting work tomorrow. It's not a sure thing but a friend I met up here said they could help me out. Their opening some kind of retail store and need someone to do inventory and things like that. It's not anything I'm used to, but it's something for the short term.

I have a confession... that Tuesday I went to the Doc and she prescribed me 30 Xanax and some happy pills. That night I went home with a bottle of Vodka, was still texting the ex, and somewhere along the line I got way too hammered, thought I took four when really I took 10, kept taking more than I remembered until the pill bottle was empty. Luckily it was a 0.25 mg prescription, the lowest dose you can go.

It's fucked up and sad, kind of scary. I'm ok, but I definitely blacked out and remember nothing beyond a certain point. I only remember taking a few but I took them all. I actually did this really strange drawing in pastels on a 3x4 canvas and it turned out kind of weird and artistic. Sorry to make light of the situation, I know it's serious. But at the same time, I feel better in a way. I definitely don't want to die and I don't want to ever do some shit like that again, in fact that whole episode is what inspired me to whip out the digital e-peen and put my story into words from beginning to end.

I've been holed up in my apartment pretty much ever since. My CS was the one who found me in the apartment the next day around the time she got off work. I wasn't responding to her messages and she wanted to check on me or some shit because it was about, if not over a 24 hr blackout period. Hmm, it doesn't feel good writing this at all. I don't like what I did, I don't like the situation it created between my CS and I because now she's not going to leave me alone. I text her and assured her yesterday morning I was OK and was not going to do anything to harm myself ever again. I asked that she stop texting me so I could heal in peace.

I don't want to get locked up for being suicidal or anything like that, I wholly regret what I did and I actually think my stomach is pretty upset from being retarded. Talk about taking a million steps backward in the opposite direction. I'm still here, just trying to ride out any side effects by drinking a lot of water. I honestly can't tell a doctor I feel like because in my state they can commit you against your will if they deem you unsafe and hold you in a looney bin for an undisclosed amount of days.

Anyway, sorry for that cry for help. My inner self has heard it of that I assure you.

Vent as much as you need.

Remember, we're here for you.

We've been there. And survived.

Until you go unconditional No Contact you will not get better

good news about the job. Get yourself back out into the world.

Make sure when you refill the script that it lines up date wise with properly taking the meds. If you try to refill too soon you'll trigger a red flag w/the pharma.

Your story of taking the meds sounds too much like "one thing led to another". And drinking? Seriously dude, that's a major fvckup. Was the episode a wake up call for you?

Dig deep and be truthful w/your self. Are you playing on your W's sympathy for you? Not healthy.

Get your shit together on the drinking and prescription drug abuse. I'm sure you've seen guys go down that path of self medicating. Don't be one of them.

Until you go unconditional No Contact you will not get better

Better listen to good advice.

Cut out the needy clingy act.

You are better than this.

Better wake up.

May I strongly recommend getting all alcohol out of your residence. None, nada, don't even go out drinking (or else stick with club soda or something non-alcoholic when out with friends) until you're sure you are completely in control, and any of the more desperate feelings are long gone. What happened could have been a disaster. Good news, anyway, about exploring your artistic and literary interests. Perhaps pursue both with any extra time you have. Please take care.

Feels - be careful with Xanax because they affect people in different ways. I have done the exact same thing as you did - took a month's supply in one night and I hadn't had anything to drink. I will never take them again because I honestly had no recollection of taking them.

Yeah, I know it was a cry for help. A pity party and all that jazz. The things we do when we're stupid and in love ladies and gents...

Doing OK today. I went to the store and got toilet paper. So far it's a win.

The next time you feel like experimenting with being a pharmacist and a seance director at the same time, try overdosing on Ex-lax, it should teach you a lesson.

I am getting these incredibly strong urges to call her just so I can hear her voice. I'm not going to, that's why I'm writing, but I swear to God it's like a drug or something. I just want one hit to get me nice and high for 1 minute and then it will send me back into withdrawals for days, etc.

All those pills I took really fkd me sideways. My sleep schedule is all out of wack and last night I didn't sleep at all. I've been up over 24 hours on accident (writing and painting, just couldn't snooze no matter how long I closed my eyes) and now I'm just on auto pilot until 10-11pm

Guys I feel like I am literally going crazy. How much longer is this going to last? I will have these crazy mood swings I never had before like, "I'll be 100% ok and I feel great!" back into ... well, this.

I wish there was an instant cure, but I know there's not. I keep finding my way to dating sites or tinder, just so I can look at other people and try and get myself interested or sidetracked. You know what's funny, I was a perfectly healthy and normal dude before all this. I've lost over 10lbs, I don't eat I don't drink. I'm forcing myself to consume this gallon of water I have in front of me because it's been so long.

Lol there is some severe mental trauma going on over here.

Don't try to live your life like you used to. Adapt to your current condition. Sleep when you can. Eat what you can (fuck diets if you had one). I found out that it is possible to go for months on 4-6h of sleep per day. Didn't take any medicine (well, at least "heavy" stuff, I used some herbal sleep aids)

But please, please, monitor your thoughts. If you notice directing yourself to self harm or suicide, that's a big red sign that you have to change something - for me it was when I decided to stop listening to IC's I was going to at that time rugsweeping advices and said to my WW - whole truth or we go separate ways (I got more TT, but that's another story).

Stay strong! And thank God each day that you don't have kids...

Any further contact with her will just prolong your stay in limbo hell.

She may have put you there but only you can keep you there.

No contact since Thursday... gd that seems like *so* long ago because I've been up so long. You know, we've got a life insurance policy on one another. If we just did a little plotting to make it look like an accident...

JK JK JK

dark humor is another good outlet

No contact since Thursday... gd that seems like *so* long ago because I've been up so long. You know, we've got a life insurance policy on one another. If we just did a little plotting to make it look like an accident...

JK JK JK

dark humor is another good outlet

Better learn to keep it that way