SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

IHF,

This is the one place in the world where being right is the last thing that anyone wants.

I am so sorry for what has happened. What I think is that you need to start focusing on you, and you alone.

Here is a thing to think about: there are close to 60,000 members of this forum who have survived infidelity, and you will too.

Sell or pawn her rings you need the money.

Get rid of everything about her and stop any communication. It's just keeps you down.

I doubt you'll listen but it's you're only path forward.

IMO you should have told her dad the truth. Putting it on her to do was a weak move. Don't help hide her affair.

You still want her back because you are projecting your feelings of love etc onto her. She doesn't feel that way about you.

She's told you and shown you who she is. Your not wanting to believe her fully and living on hope will just keep you bound in limbo.

Get all the support/alimony assets you can. She's left you in a bad position and you need all that you can get. Not taking care of yourself in this situation will just put you in even worse shape.

Wake up and get moving

You will only get about $700 for the rings and earrings.

Feels....I am very, very sorry you had to go through this. You sound like a very upstanding guy and trust me....there are really good women out there looking for someone like you.

Chalk this one up to "lesson learned".

k9

Alright.. she just left with the dog. We talked for about 20 minutes. No hope of R. Time to move on.. definitely going to seek professional help and get some anti-depressants tomorrow or I will do something stupid. Fresh wounds re-opened. Sucks so bad, would have done anything to have her back but it's over.

**to-do list** (starting tomorrow, incapable of action today..srsly emotionally crippled)

- go to the doctor

- follow-up and see what time I'm working this week

- google divorce lawyers in my area

- make it through today

- take down all the pictures of us together in the apt

- hold firm on NC outside of emailing her which bills need to be paid

**done**

- filled her dad in on everything, told him I did everything possible but there's no hope for R. he was shocked, she was telling him we were fine

I am sorry people tried to push you into R. The advice that it was over was spot on and we hate it but we can tell.

Get a D hard and move on with your life. You deserve better than her.

She broke and deserves what she gets and any guy willing to steal another man's wife is a scumbag.

I would recommend some individual counseling both for support for yourself but also to find out why you were open to being abused by her. I am not going to call you co-dependent but you need to figure out why you were willing to work so hard when she didn't give a shit

I think it is all about her job. she is married to the POS's job. Shallow thinking (I think). Will realize later marriage is not all about career and status. Strength to you . Looks like you have come to a closure. Though difficult it will greatly help your recovery. She was keeping you on the side in case. Expect her getting angry at you when she hear from her father and letting you know that any hope of (non existence)R is gone. Again arrange for spousel support at your earliest. The callous and express way she ended the marriage call for it.

So far she has the best of both worlds knowing she can get back to you anytime. Now with your closure one channel is closed. believe it or not it will affect her cheating enjoyment. Also go easy on showing her openly you ended it until you come to a financial settlement

[This message edited by goalong at 3:44 PM, October 29th (Sunday)]

Your plan is solid and believe it or not you are doing well. This is heartbreaking but know that millions have trod this ground before you. Work on feeling your feelings without wallowing.

I've visited people in the ICU shortly after a lifesaving surgery. To my mind this is where you are now. At some point you will realize that she wasn't material for the long haul, kinda like a wonky appendix or even a tumor. You are in the process of getting that removed now, which hurts, however with time and treatment you will recover with no or minimal loss of function. Infection (depression) is what you need to watch for. It's great to see you are acting proactively on this.

Chin up brother!

If the other man is married you should inform his wife.

Good job on telling her father. Cheaters lie a lot.

Never help in hiding their affair plus it will get you some form of closure.

Later you’ll realize you deserve better than she is.

Make no mistake this is who she is. Your heart still see who you wanted her to be but that will change if you can apply a hard NC.

Whie she is vulnerable you should try and get a favorable settlement so strike quickly. She’ll change even more soon.

[This message edited by Marz at 3:29 PM, October 29th (Sunday)]

Go on your social media and block her. Then remove all her pics. If you don’t you’ll just pain shop. If you keep pics, etc it will prolong your agony.

You need all the support you can get at this time. You’ll be surprised at how much friends and family can help.

Sorry man but now is the time to apply some good advice to work for you.

Hopefully you’re wide awake and can move forward now.

IHF, I know you feel like you have been kicked in the teeth. Go back and reread the posts again after your update, especially coach1984. Focus on breathing and saying this situation is temporary, I will get through another day.

Stop the pills ASAP. Get a water bottle and drink water every 1.5hrs. Step out of the apt. It's a memory boat anchor & will bring you down.

I don't need to repeat anything; you have your plan follow it.

Post and let us know how you are doing.

Feels, I am so sorry you are here and a member of the club.

I'm a little past a year since D-day myself. It just sucks having to deal with this sh*t.

There's nothing I can tell you that you haven't heard yet, so I won't bother, but just know this: a bunch of us guys have gone through the exact same thing as you and somehow, some way, we are making it through each day, one day at a time.

We're here for you. Stick with it.

So sorry for your pain.

Go into FAkebook and turn off the memory notifications. There is nothing worse than when those pop up and you don’t want them.

again, I agree with Marz

You will survive this. We all do.

It will hurt and you will be raw but the sounds will heal.

No contact with her is the best for you. She handled herself very poorly and had no respect or consideration for you. If she truly wanted a D there are respectful ways to deal with it.

She is a coward doing what she did. No excuse.

IHF I am really saddened by your story but I think that you are so able to put your feelings into words, to describe and to share them means you are already on your way toward healing from this devastation.

IHF, please try to find an IRL support group. Check out BAN, even AANON and SANON. Those of for people whose lives have been dramatically traumatized by the choices of a SO. BAN is typically for those affected by a partner/spouse; the others are for those affected by the addictions of their SO. But there are similarities in all forms of betrayal and a good group can be an enormous sources of information and spiritual and moral support. They are also free and sometimes regular weekly meetings. You are not alone in your pain though surely it feels that way.

Try to find an IC. I know you've mentioned having no income but perhaps you have a health plan. Check out the material here in the Healing Library. There is a lot of very helpful information and lots additional out there that can be immediately accessed through Kindle. Lots and lots about betrayal and how you can survive it and go on to thrive in life. Ironically, the very same ability you have to love so much and causes such pain now can be the very source of your strength and possibility for having a great future.

You will come out of this horrible time. You will heal. You will be ok. You're very caring, very loving. You will find your strength and your center again but it does take time and work. So focus on you. Make sure of the basics, nutrition and rest. Then go for the rest and take appreciation for everything possible. You'll see. You really are going to be ok.

IHF.

Listen to every piece of advice you are getting about NC. It is a force field to protect your heart.

Go for the jugular in D.

I know at this point I'm boardering on the ... idk I will call it a pathological complainer or something, but I can't sleep. I went out to Walgreens and bought NyQuil, took the two pills and I'm still up at 4am.

Idk team, this whole situation has me so fkd up. Mentally, physically. I've eaten probably 8 meals over 2 weeks, yet somehow I'm not even hungry. In the past three days in particular I've eaten a half slice of a burnt tombstone pizza. How is that even possible?

The only "good" that's come from any of this is I started writing again. ALOT. But yeah, the demons are still doing a little jig inside my head 24/7 and crapping up the place. I've rewatched the entire season 2 of Californication for no reason. Even now, I'm not tired.

I'm just watching this show and babbling on to you guys. Every once and awhile I will get The fkd up thoughts like, this OM is younger and richer than me. That's why she wants him. So they can do stuff together we never could. I just found out Kevin Spacey came out as gay and I bet their talking about it together when we normally would.

Idk stupid shit. Sorry I go on so much, I hardly talk at all in person. Maybe I will try to take two more NyQuil, I can't sleep at all.

Dude, what you are going through is normal. The sense of loss and betrayal hits deep and hard. The only way to get through this is to 'bend with the flow', and not let it break you.

It is good that you have come up with a list of things to do. Keep making more lists for things to do each day, so that this will help you keep on an even keel.

Make sure that she does not have ANYTHING left in the apartment, so that it does not give you an excuse to call her. Contacting her will only prolong your pain, and set back your healing.

Sell the jewellery. She does not deserve them anymore. Make the items that signified her work for you, and not against you.

Keep yourself busy, and your mind off her. You are way better than she is, as you did not give up your morals. Even though it does not seem so now, but you have come out better on the long run.