SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

As Stevesn said: Tell WW that you know she has

chosen to stay and see her OM instead of coming

home.

Then expose this affair, today, now, tell WW's

parents, siblings, grandparents, and your children.

They will be blowing up your WW's phone.

I understand you wanting to divorce your WW.

Though I can not understand a BH refusing to do

anything to stop his WW and the OM from hooking up.

Unbelievable that you did not expose this affair

before your WW left.

Unbelievable that now WW is about to meet up

with the OM you still do nothing to expose the

affair.

As I said earlier, do not assume anything.

I believe it is probable that her friend knows and has actively tried to help her.

My instinct is to tell WW I know she is about to hook up. However, I have been advised by council and those who know better than I that telling her will not further my cause. It will not bring her back to me (the person I married is apparently long gone) and it will not further my cause in a divorce.

My instinct is to tell WW I know she is about to hook up. However, I have been advised by council and those who know better than I that telling her will not further my cause. It will not bring her back to me (the person I married is apparently long gone) and it will not further my cause in a divorce.

You are correct.

She is who she is but I've found getting stuff off my chest is a good thing. Why hold it back?

You cannot control her.

I have seen this behavior before. The level of duplicity here (false names, eg) is astounding, but not unique to her.

The best you can do is make clear to her the consequences. You have done that.

You might answer one of her texts with the following:

I will only respond to questions about our children from this point forward.

I know the phrase 'empathetic lawyer' is laughed at as an oxymoron but listen to Sharkman. Listen to Redsox. In this situation they are the most frightening type of lawyer that exist. Those that have experienced, first hand, the same injustice they are trying to help you navigate.

They post on here because it's personal. They hate to see these fuckers win. The advice they give you is cold, short, ruthless and designed to provide you maximum benefit at the expense of your betrayer.

Good job keeping your head on straight man. I'm cheering for you.

Do what your attorney says at this point. Still not sure why you have not filed.

Why are you asking for what she wants. File and ask for full temporary custody pending mental health review given her saying she is suicidal.

IMO you should expose her A to all friends and both your families ASAP.....

Give her return flight details to a nearby relative or friend of hers and suggest it might be best if they picked her up from the airport given the circumstances.

Then send a simple text to WW informing her of the following-

*You know she is currently seeing POSOM

*Which of her friends or family members has agreed to pick her up from the airport.

*That it would be best if she stayed with this person rather than come home at this time.

*That you are finalizing your plans for separating finances and establishing custody arrangements with your lawyer right now and she will receive these when she gets back.

Then go dark 100% on her.....

See how much fun she has with this shitbag OM after receiving this message from you and with her phone blowing up from family and friends asking her what in the hell she is doing.

Your lawyer is right, this will do nothing to bring back your WW (the woman she was is long gone anyhow) and will not advance your D any......but won’t hurt it either.....

And why let her enjoy carefree ‘fun time’ with this POS?

Sex and cuddling probably won’t be anywhere near as exciting for her knowing that her life is collapsing at home AND everyone she knows is well aware of why.

[This message edited by Dyokemm at 1:43 PM, March 11th (Sunday)]

If you are certain she is going to hook up with OM, I would not contact her or anyone until you have additional evidence that this occurred. You already have some evidence, more is also valuable. If you tell her you know, you think it will make some difference to her but it will only make her try to hide it better.

Expose to friends and family NOW. She is going to go no matter what you say. You may as well ruin her fun by having family on her case.

Okay, this is final message to WW while on her trip:

I am not responding to your texts because they do not regard care of the children. There is no need to return early on my account; the kids are doing well. When you do come home we should both remain civil and work hard on figuring out dividing their care amicably. They deserve all we can give them and I want to work with you on this.

I will speak to a few of her close family members just to put them i suicide watch.

That’s one hell of a plan. Great job.

Didn’t send that last message due to the OM texting her “r u awake?”... followed by “u okay, babe?”. Hmmm.

Didn’t send that last message due to the OM texting her “r u awake?”... followed by “u okay, babe?”. Hmmm.

Don't send it. Be honest with yourself as to why you feel the need to communicate. It isn't the content, it is the need to sent something. Nothing you said in that text makes any difference, isn't important to the future, it is just a way to sent a text.

What does it matter why you are not responding? If she was at all concerned about the kids, she would be home. Her knowing you want to work this out amicably now will not make it any more or less amicable than if you had not told her the same thing until she got back.

Your not sending important information, you are just compelled to contact. You need to ask yourself why.

Agree with you, DIFM. Will not send. I already said more than enough.

So now, what do I do when she furiously bursts through the door enraged?

So now, what do I do when she furiously bursts through the door enraged?

Have a draft of the D papers ready to hand over to her, with the name of your attorney. Have a folder with every text, pic, communication, undeniable affair truth in it. Give it to her as well and say that unless she can prove all of the evidence is a conspiracy fabrication, the only thing to discuss are the short term steps for living arrangements until something more formal can be drawn up.

She will argue, scream, cry, tell you you are the one breaking up the family, you are the reason she had to do whatever it is she did. She may do all manner of things, but you have to decide and be firm what it is you want to do. Can you reconcile with this level of betrayal, cruelty, distrust, deception? If your conclusion is that it just is not possible, then do not entertain even a single discussion with her. She will rugseep, gaslight, blame-shift, create unhealthy stress and trauma for you.

It will be a shitstorm when she gets back but you must already have your strategy well considered and a backbone that is firm and resolute.

Make sure you have a var on you and defend yourself as needed.

Didn’t send that last message due to the OM texting her “r u awake?”... followed by “u okay, babe?”. Hmmm.

Were both messages from OM or did she respond?

When she gets home be sure to record the conversation in your phone (the app iTalk, for iPhine is good) or VAR. You both will be a mess.

[This message edited by MickeyBill2016 at 8:48 PM, March 11th (Sunday)]

So now, what do I do when she furiously bursts through the door enraged?

She's went to see her other man leaving you and the kids behind. She's deep in her affair.

Why do you care if she's enraged?

You are the one who should be at her actions.

Anon,

You’re getting some great advice. I’d only add that you should be aware that what you and most of us do is try to think through this logically through her eyes. Trying to say something that will get through to our WS. Unfortunately no matter what she says or does when she gets back, your logical points will be met with illogical responses. There will be blameshifting and gaslighting.

Stick with your attorney’s advice, and much of the advice here, about how to keep conversations focused on your kids, parenting and fincial arrangements. Don’t get caught up in he reasoning and justifications she throws your way. You have enough info to proceed with separation and D. If R is a future that you would consider in the future she will have to come around on her own, it won’t be something you say that flips the switch in her mind. It will be your actions.

Best of luck in the coming days my man. We’re all pulling for your happiness.