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treading water ( member #9139) posted at 5:41 PM on Tuesday, March 1st, 2011
No.
Compare it to dealing with a sudden death of a loved one. All the stages of grief must be dealt with- because in fact you are dealing with the gut-wrenching grief of the death of your relationship- the one you thought you were living.
It took me over 2 years and lots of therapy to recover from my X's betrayal. I trusted him completely, he took advantage of that trust in the worst possible way.
Time and complete honesty are two important factors, and your M will never recover without ample amounts of both.
((((Feb 8, 2011))))
tw
"Won't be fooled again"
Onward and Upward!!!
Life IS Good!!
ambivalent ( member #30106) posted at 5:43 PM on Tuesday, March 1st, 2011
No. I don't remember much of the first 3 months after DD. I was ok (read numb and functioning) from months 4 to 6 and for the last two months I have felt like I am back at square one.
[This message edited by ambivalent at 11:44 AM, March 1st (Tuesday)]
BW - me (46)
Fwh - him (45)
After 2 months TT final DD 17AUG10
R with more good days than bad
Paranoia? Hell, no. Heightened awareness is more like it.
Sometimes you're the bird, and sometimes you're the windshield.
Feb 8, 2011 (original poster member #31137) posted at 5:44 PM on Tuesday, March 1st, 2011
Ok...I'll tell her she has to give me a couple more days then
D-Day see username
and maybe March 11, 11
ME: 45 yr old BH
Her: 40 yr old WW
3 kids
married 11 years
Who is this woman in my house?!
numb&dumb ( member #28542) posted at 5:44 PM on Tuesday, March 1st, 2011
No way.
I am years out, ended that relationship and I still have my moments.
Dday 8/31/11. EA/PA. Lied to for 3 years.
Bring it, life. I am ready for you.
lpbpjp23 ( new member #30966) posted at 5:45 PM on Tuesday, March 1st, 2011
Me 39 -BS
Him- 44 WH
D-Day 07/30/2010
2 Kids b-10, D-13
married -16 years
10 Months EA/PA
We are R
Twitchy ( member #25393) posted at 5:45 PM on Tuesday, March 1st, 2011
4 Years out.
Still here, Still dealing.
BH(me)-57, FWW-Past,D-Day #1 - Oct 2007 - On-Line EA leading to a failed rendez-vous. D-Day #2 - Nov 2008 - In person EA caught early.
Away you will go, sailing in a race among the ruins.If you plan to face tomorrow, do it soon. Gordon Li
rightbeforebday ( member #30210) posted at 5:46 PM on Tuesday, March 1st, 2011
No, wish I can say yes...but no....
D-Day 11/23/10
BS(me)35
WS(her)30 yrs old.
Daughter 7 years old
Together 10 yrs
Married 6 yrs
WTFDGGFL ( new member #31341) posted at 5:47 PM on Tuesday, March 1st, 2011
Wow...this is going to be more one-sided than a Libyan election.
At the time:
Me: BH-29
Her: WW-27
DDay: 2/14/2011
Why The F Do Good Guys Finish Last?
Xjw1205 ( new member #31350) posted at 5:49 PM on Tuesday, March 1st, 2011
yeah.... big NOOOOOO!!!!!!!
albertagirl ( new member #31130) posted at 5:51 PM on Tuesday, March 1st, 2011
6 months today from DDay and not even close to it either.
Me BW- 33
Him WH-35
Married 9 years
2kids
DDay September 1,2010
Jen ( member #26584) posted at 5:59 PM on Tuesday, March 1st, 2011
nope ... I still real from the effects at times ... although the emotion ect has toned down a bit ...
Me former Booger Bear ...
https://youtu.be/1TcLw3TOIN8
Hand Me Down MatchBox 20
https://youtu.be/iFdOAyyn76M
Love Falls by HellYeah
fooledbyapilot ( member #26349) posted at 6:03 PM on Tuesday, March 1st, 2011
Absolutely not. And if a WS thinks this then you can double your time in recovery because it is quite obvious if a WS believes this they have no clue what you feel and what trauma they have inflicted on you.
Good luck!
ME(BS):47 HIM (WS):50
WS Married 21 yrs together 33
dd#1- nov 16, 2009
DD#2-went out NYE 2009-found out Feb 2012
DD#2-Feb 5, 2010-date they had(found out Feb 2012)
dd#3 - June 16, 2010-broke NC
dd#4-Dec 31, 2010-broke contact
Tryingtoheal61 ( member #29633) posted at 6:06 PM on Tuesday, March 1st, 2011
No, almost 11 months out.
When the one person that has committed to love you through sickness & health, etc and they stab you in the heart over and over. It's difficult to get over in one year, let alone 21 days.
Wow, I can't believe that someone would think their spouse should be over this in less than a month.
((Sorry))
hurting2much ( member #25643) posted at 6:09 PM on Tuesday, March 1st, 2011
No. Might be quicker if boundaries were 100% adhered to. Every time boundary was broken (broken NC, drinking at bars, etc), that sent me back to the beginning, starting all over.
PlainJane ( member #30637) posted at 6:12 PM on Tuesday, March 1st, 2011
No. I'm just over two months out from D-Day and while I at least sleep most nights now, the answer is most definitely NO!!
Me: BS 43
Him: WH 43
Married: 18 yrs (2 kids)
D-Day: 12/28/2010
Working on R
I know my heart will never be the same; But I'm telling myself I'll be ok
Even on my weakest days; I get a little bit stronger
-- Sara Evans
wewillmakeit ( member #26290) posted at 6:13 PM on Tuesday, March 1st, 2011
No. 48 months out. 30 months of IC and MC. On AD"s the first year. Getting ready to resume MC.
circlingthedrain nailed it with:
"No, I'm out 3+ years and still have triggers quite often. They are less severe than when I was closer to D-day but they are still there. This is your new normal."
Ask her how pleased she would be with a husband who would take just 3 weeks to get over the destruction of the sacred vows you both took at your wedding. Wouldn't that tell her she was married to an unfeeling robot? Is that what she desires in a mate? Is that the type of personality she wants fathering her kids?
Our wives want us to be more emotive and share our feelings - that is until we discover their adultery. Then they don't want to hear from us. Interesting isn't it?
RMARXGIRL ( member #31143) posted at 6:14 PM on Tuesday, March 1st, 2011
NOPE...2 months and not even close to getting over it
Sadly, Christmas Day will never be the same for me anymore 
[This message edited by RMARXGIRL at 12:16 PM, March 1st (Tuesday)]
Me: BS -48
Him: WH- 49
Married: 28 yrs
We have an amazing 23 yr old son
D-Day #1 July 2005
D-Day #2 Dec 25, 2010 with same PIG as D-Day #1
TT: Apr 24, 2011
In process of R
"It takes years to build trust & seconds to destroy it"
IHTop ( member #13171) posted at 6:16 PM on Tuesday, March 1st, 2011
4+ years - It doesn't really ever go away. It changes, dulls, you figure out how to live "with" it, but it doesn't go away.
Compare it to dealing with a sudden death of a loved one. All the stages of grief must be dealt with- because in fact you are dealing with the gut-wrenching grief of the death of your relationship- the one you thought you were living.
I would argue an A is MUCH tougher to deal with than the loss of a loved one. With that, you find comfort with your husband/wife, you lean on each other for strength. The death is a one-time occurrence, you mourn, you move on after a period of time.
With an A, the very person you are supposed to be looking to for strength in tumultuous times such as these, is the very one you hurt you. You are left alone to carry your bags of despair. And the worst part is it takes so long (if ever) for it to be "over". A death is a time-stamp event. With TT and so much work to put into R to regain trust, etc., an A is much more difficult to overcome.
Me: BH (36)
Her: WW (33)
Kids: daughter(7), son(5)
Married: 10 years
D-Day: 10-12-06
glad2Bfree ( member #31318) posted at 6:22 PM on Tuesday, March 1st, 2011
Nope-4 years out and divorced. I consider myself deeply happy but when I get the feeling he is lying to me, minimizing, not giving me the whole truth I feel enraged still-and we're not even married anymore!. Like someone said earlier-this is your new normal.
"there ain't no good guys.. there ain't no bad guys... there's only you and me, and we just disagree.."
aesir ( member #17210) posted at 6:23 PM on Tuesday, March 1st, 2011
Really, there is not much hope of recovery until they get it.
All the figures we quote about average times are based on DDay, but that is not really relevant. We really should not start the clock until the date they get it. Unfortunately, there is no simple answer since the recovery time is based on how long the affair lasted, and how long the fog lasted, and how well they behaved after it was discovered.
Your mileage may vary... in accordance with the prophecy.
Do not back up. Severe tire damage.
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