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Silencio ( member #7085) posted at 8:49 PM on Tuesday, March 1st, 2011
Yes! I even forgot the A had ever happened. It was like a dream!
Of course, that's because it _was_ a fucking dream. When I'd wake up, the whole reality of it would sucker punch me right in the chest again. That was one of the worst parts of the whole thing, and it went on a hell of a lot longer than 21 days.
[This message edited by Silencio at 2:55 PM, March 1st (Tuesday)]
"He's probably upset, Lorraine."
SurvivingEA ( member #26872) posted at 8:56 PM on Tuesday, March 1st, 2011
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!
Seriously!?
stardust ( member #20223) posted at 9:03 PM on Tuesday, March 1st, 2011
Me Bw Multiple D day's
Him WH Multiple false R's
5 children, mine, his, and ours, daughter not well, had her spinal chord punctured. Trying to heal her, myself and our family from this tragedy, don't you
love my wh's contribution?
aesir ( member #17210) posted at 9:27 PM on Tuesday, March 1st, 2011
For the first couple of months I treasured those days when I would wake up feeling happy and cheerful. Unfortunately, by the time I got out of bed I always remembered who I was.
ETA: Your humour will serve you well here.
[This message edited by aesir at 3:28 PM, March 1st (Tuesday)]
Your mileage may vary... in accordance with the prophecy.
Do not back up. Severe tire damage.
7yrsbetrayed ( member #10198) posted at 9:40 PM on Tuesday, March 1st, 2011
No.
My 1st Dday was 6 years ago this May 5th.
We are fully reconciled and doing fabulously.
I still have an occasional trigger. I handle them differently now but they still happen.
If your spouse is expecting you to be "over it" in ANY amount of time, she is delusional.
Me(44)
Him(46) arthurdent (rSA)
Married 12 yrs, together 15
Renewed Vows 12/19/08
One DD(8)
You can avoid reality but you cannot avoid the consequences of avoiding reality.~Ayn Rand
Dagny07 ( member #16928) posted at 10:03 PM on Tuesday, March 1st, 2011
Nope. Big trigger just this past week. But, hey, it's only been 3 and a half years of my life. Small price to pay for his 5-week happiness.
Me:BW Him: FWH E/A
M: 30 years, together 37 : both guilty of PAs 20+ years ago
CDay#1 Oct 06 (false); DDay#2 Oct 07 (truth from OW's BH)
R: Tenaciously optimistic
fromthisdayfwd ( member #30634) posted at 10:08 PM on Tuesday, March 1st, 2011
Oh Dear Sweet Jesus! You asked this question about 7 hours ago and you all ready have 5 pages of answers! Wow!
The answer is NO NO NO NO NO NO....RESOUNDING NO!
She must REALLY be deep into her tactics and "fog" to not begin to realize this is a WAY BIG DEAL!
Even the death of a loved one ISN'T INTENTIONAL BETRAYAL (most of the time, of course.)
ARGH! You are killin' ME! I could go on and on...
I just can't!
Married 8/20/1994
Betrayed
DDay 6/23/2010
A gift is not given if it has been demanded.
Failure to attempt is failure.
chocobcm ( member #30156) posted at 10:13 PM on Tuesday, March 1st, 2011
NO. repeat: resounding NO.
Me: 24 BS
Him: 25 WS Multiple OEA/Multiple Phone relationships.
M: 6yrs
D-day 11/14/10 (found 5 years worth of emails/chats etc.)
IntuitionKnows ( member #30505) posted at 10:15 PM on Tuesday, March 1st, 2011
No.
betting WW won't care about the results.
The affair wasn't the worst...
glad2Bfree ( member #31318) posted at 10:28 PM on Tuesday, March 1st, 2011
My time line...and this is with out any new hurts, IC, MC, a deeply remorseful spouse and separtation within 6 weeks...
YEAR 1-my world shrunk to 1 friend and babysitter
Year 2-could start calling old friends back but needed everything on my terms and would end conversations abruptly
YEAR 3-could let in 1 new friend and I was terrible to her
YEAR 4-have been able to make new friends and deeply happy again.
YEAR 4.5-CONSIDERING dating again.
When someone told me it would take 2 YEARS I thought he was joking.
[This message edited by glad2Bfree at 4:30 PM, March 1st (Tuesday)]
"there ain't no good guys.. there ain't no bad guys... there's only you and me, and we just disagree.."
teach5 ( member #18445) posted at 10:39 PM on Tuesday, March 1st, 2011
It has been 4 years and there are still some sleepless nights and difficult days. I think anyone who goes through this is permanently changed- you just have to learn to adjust to it. It is difficult and sad.
Not Safe ( member #31191) posted at 11:00 PM on Tuesday, March 1st, 2011
Well, I would only assume the answer could be YES under only two circumstances...
1. BS is not a human being and was abducted by aliens long ago and WS was simply too busy/selfish to notice.
2. BS is secretely happy to discover WS affair because BS is also having one too and BS wants to carry on eating cake WITHOUT WS knowing and can't possibly keep up a pretence of being absolutely devastated to their core longer than the requisite 21 days that it should take a "normal person" to heal. (Note..normal person in this case defined as someone with no love, empathy or feelings towards their BS whatsoever - how could they?). Hence happy and well adjusted after 21 days! Job Done...
2.5 years out... I don't think so!!
WS needs to really love BS and be in this for the long haul.. there are no corners you can cut and no escape from a WS responsibility to heal your BS. Laziness in helping a BS heal or impatience or lack of understanding is not an option.
Razor ( member #16345) posted at 11:05 PM on Tuesday, March 1st, 2011
NO. of course not.
BUT I have to warn you. If your WW is like mine, she will say the REASON we BS here at SI have not gotten over the A allready is BECAUSE WE ARE ON SI.
Who would have thunk it eh? SI is the cause of all pain relating to THEIR CHOICE to cheat. So. Our support group is the cause of our continued pain.
Imagine a ostrich.. head buried in the sand. Thats my WW.
Yeh. Its allways someone elses fault.
Razor
Forgive and forget = Relive and regret.
Hope in reality is the worst of all evils because it prolongs the torments of man.
Friedrich Nietzsche
lordmayhem ( member #30526) posted at 11:08 PM on Tuesday, March 1st, 2011
NO. Infidelity is a betrayal that is a LIFE CHANGING EVENT. I've read that it takes on average 2-5 years to recover from this. This ain't my first rodeo. I know it took me years to recover from when my first wife. So I know it will take me years to recover from this one. And I know a friend of mine that took her 4 years to recover from the damager her WH caused by his affair.
21 days is just silly. It seems to me that your WW would like to sweep this under the rug and have you "get over it" right away like many WS do.
BH-me, 45
fWW-her, 50
Married 21 yrs
2 kids (21, 12)
D-Day: 06/11/10
In R at this time
angrydude25 ( new member #31222) posted at 11:13 PM on Tuesday, March 1st, 2011
shyguy ( member #18281) posted at 11:15 PM on Tuesday, March 1st, 2011
No! Divorced since May 08. Dday was January 08. Still wounded.
Love stinks yeah yeah(J. Geils)
anitacocktail ( member #30993) posted at 11:17 PM on Tuesday, March 1st, 2011
Seriously? No freaking way. And at 21 days I'd be questioning giving even one more day to someone with that attitude.
BS me purdy 30
stbxwh dirty 30
"somebody tell my head to try to tell my heart that I'm better off without you"
lordmayhem ( member #30526) posted at 11:23 PM on Tuesday, March 1st, 2011
This easily has to be one of the easiest no-brainer questions that I have seen in a long time.
BH-me, 45
fWW-her, 50
Married 21 yrs
2 kids (21, 12)
D-Day: 06/11/10
In R at this time
HowMany ( member #24506) posted at 11:25 PM on Tuesday, March 1st, 2011
I'd be laughing if it wasn't so fucking sad.
Give me a break. Does FogWoman have amy idea how physically painful this is?????
I'm 29 MONTHS out and still think about it every, single DAY! My life was forever changed.
A few weeks?!? Is she of sound mind?
Your actions speak so loudly I can't hear a thing you're saying.
It must have been like throwing a hot dog down a hallway with all the room in there. - Runorstay
Feb 8, 2011 (original poster member #31137) posted at 11:32 PM on Tuesday, March 1st, 2011
It is fucking sad, and the thread was meant to be a bit of a light-hearted jab at my confused WW...I'm not laughing now...I'm closer to crying.
But anyway, the results so far (approx 80 votes)...
Yes 0%
No 100%
D-Day see username
and maybe March 11, 11
ME: 45 yr old BH
Her: 40 yr old WW
3 kids
married 11 years
Who is this woman in my house?!
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