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BooBoo! ( member #33195) posted at 2:07 PM on Tuesday, March 20th, 2012
want a new life ( member #27286) posted at 3:00 PM on Tuesday, March 20th, 2012
I would just like to add a big "AMEN" to this. I'm a little over 2 yrs from DDay. I also did not do this but looking back so wish I had.
I can't over emphasis enough 180, detach & NC!! I know everyone feels their situation is different and I know I did but everyone here has years of life experience and that is a great teacher!!
Best of Luck!!
Me BS - 57
D 6/2010
It's been a long journey but I think I'm finally arriving at my happy place:)
2_4giving4_2long ( member #34008) posted at 3:56 PM on Tuesday, March 20th, 2012
I like NEVER REVEAL YOUR SOURCES!!!.. My wh gets totally insane when I can call him out on something...He does the bug-eyes "Who told you this?" Or They're lying" Or, "You are playing games on me." But, they do get smarter at being sneakier. The underground A are the most insane ones. You know it but can't prove it. But in time, they always tell one way or another.
I really did read as much as I could after DDAY, but I was in shock and a lot didn't sink in. Now that I work on my 180, things aren't so bleak afterall.
Me 52
He 49
DDay 11/06/11
Married 23 years
2 adult children.
Fighting2Survive ( member #28410) posted at 8:28 PM on Tuesday, March 27th, 2012
Me: BW, 40.......Him: FWH, 40
D-day: 3-22-10
DS1: 11, DS2: crawling
Status: R going well
"When you can tell the story and it doesn't bring up any pain, you know it is healed." - Iyanla Vanzant, Broken Pieces
Fighting2Survive ( member #28410) posted at 3:29 AM on Saturday, March 31st, 2012
Me: BW, 40.......Him: FWH, 40
D-day: 3-22-10
DS1: 11, DS2: crawling
Status: R going well
"When you can tell the story and it doesn't bring up any pain, you know it is healed." - Iyanla Vanzant, Broken Pieces
LearningToRun ( member #31353) posted at 1:51 PM on Sunday, April 8th, 2012
I am a year 1/2 out from divorce and still not even a hint of remorse.
Reading this helps when I get a case of the " what ifs"
I especially like defining your "must haves"- that was a lifesaver
Me: BS 49
Him: WH 54
OW - HS GF, reconnect on FB - They are now M
M- 23 years
DD Sept 2010 - he was lying about meeting and deleting all his texts
D-12/13/2010 - 60 days after i called uncle
Stillhurt123 ( member #35216) posted at 3:38 PM on Sunday, April 8th, 2012
This is fantastic. Thank you for posting...
Can someone tell me - what is gaslighting?
My husband went underground (or at least I think he did)...He tells me there is NC, he sent the text and I don't have evidence, but just a feeling.
I have a few ways of fiding out next week I will put them into play. I am right now not able to put anything on him, to my face he is remourseful, a great dad, great H, present, all the things I want...but there is just something...I can't put my finger on it, but it will come.
The fact that he hasn't given me all his passwords and still gets upset if he finds me 'spying' is my first clue. But, like I said I will know for sure in a few days.
But you posting this helps me so much - it has been since December that I found out and every time he tells me - I choose you, I"m sorry I messed up and was having trouble getting out of this. However, I know for 100% certain I am at the end of my rope. If I catch him even once in contact in any way, I have a plan to move the kids and I out (he would never leave)...I have been nothing but wonderful to him since we started R (if it's really R), so I will have no regrets.
Thanks for posting this at such a perfect time.
Married for 10 yrs, together 15
Me, BW - 37
Him, fWH- 40
3 kids
D-Day; Dec 13, 2011, TT and lies and lies and lies and lies
Back in R
Stillhurt123 ( member #35216) posted at 3:40 PM on Sunday, April 8th, 2012
Just to clarify:
My husband went underground (or at least I think he did)...He tells me there is NC, he sent the text and I don't have evidence, but just a feeling.
CH did send the NC, that I know, but I think he's still talking to OW...THAT is what I can't find evidence of...but I will find it if it's happening...just a matter of time
Married for 10 yrs, together 15
Me, BW - 37
Him, fWH- 40
3 kids
D-Day; Dec 13, 2011, TT and lies and lies and lies and lies
Back in R
Fractured.Us ( member #35085) posted at 5:07 PM on Sunday, April 8th, 2012
I sooooo wish I had known about this site when dd1 happened. I did everything wrong. I only got here 6months out from dd2, and somehow I got many thing s right second time around.
Thank you for the list. :)
Married 21
This was not how it was supposed to end.
Magda08 ( new member #35211) posted at 7:12 PM on Sunday, April 8th, 2012
StoryHour ( member #19725) posted at 7:28 PM on Sunday, April 8th, 2012
I wish I had just left. I should have gone with my gut instinct and put him on the street that day. No reconciliation. It was just a total waste of nearly three years of my life. I could have used that time to rebuild.
Listen to your gut.
3 Strikes you're out pal!
D. 8-10
ineedtoleave ( member #29332) posted at 9:57 PM on Sunday, April 8th, 2012
(((Leakinheart85)))... your profile KILLS me inside. 
BS(me)-52
WH-59
OW-43(married ex-Co-worker)
Married 6 yrs
DD#1: 3/19/10
DD#2: 5/11/10
Oh what a tangled web we weave, when first we practice to deceive.
still confounded ( member #7826) posted at 4:14 AM on Sunday, April 15th, 2012
Bumping for newcomers to SI
"Sometimes, the rest of your life starts with goodbye."
D-day April 2005
(Married 33 years, together 35)
Divorced Dec. '05
Life is good, but it took a long time to heal.
still confounded ( member #7826) posted at 12:10 AM on Thursday, April 19th, 2012
"Sometimes, the rest of your life starts with goodbye."
D-day April 2005
(Married 33 years, together 35)
Divorced Dec. '05
Life is good, but it took a long time to heal.
traditoperanni ( member #32660) posted at 1:44 AM on Thursday, April 19th, 2012
Katherine 41- thank you!
Great post and so true.
Definitely will print this out for future reference.
Me- BS (63)
Him-WS (63)
M- 42 yrs
dday#1 11/09, Dday #2 10/11 and many since
P.A.'s - too many to count
LTA's too many to count (one for 37 yrs)
escorts etc- way too many to count.
Broken heart- too many times to count.
R- Getting bet
traildad ( member #35258) posted at 3:04 AM on Thursday, April 19th, 2012
This is so helpful and true. I am about 5 months out from d-day and just discovered this site about 3 weeks ago. Man I wish I had this 5 months ago. I am still struggling and stumbling as I come out of the BS fog, but this site and the veterans on here have helped me tremendously.
Me BH - 33
3 beautiful young children
DDay 12/13/11
Divorced.
still confounded ( member #7826) posted at 2:41 AM on Wednesday, May 2nd, 2012
"Sometimes, the rest of your life starts with goodbye."
D-day April 2005
(Married 33 years, together 35)
Divorced Dec. '05
Life is good, but it took a long time to heal.
doep ( new member #33837) posted at 4:48 AM on Wednesday, May 2nd, 2012
Thanks for this post. It helps to hear from someone who has experienced and survived.
Nightfall ( member #34954) posted at 6:54 AM on Wednesday, May 2nd, 2012
This is great, thank you.
me-BS 28
him-fWS 38
Together: 8 years Married: 4 years
D Day 1: June 2007 First A
D Day 2: July 2011 LTA of 2 years
In R
want a new life ( member #27286) posted at 9:30 PM on Friday, May 4th, 2012
I just wanted to say that I thought my XH would be different and he would eventually see the light. Well guess what......it never happened. The good people here on SI never steered me wrong. Believe me I know it's incredibly hard but listen to the ones who have traveled this path!!
Me BS - 57
D 6/2010
It's been a long journey but I think I'm finally arriving at my happy place:)
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