SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

However, just to say: If I ever won the lottery, and future financial obligations were no longer an issue...I'd break every single bone in his face. Even if it meant giving him half as a result.

I know how u feel the urge for revenge gets so strong.but prison isn't somewhere I'd want to be.chefs comment these woman think they have a right with no shame they are single can sleep with anyone I got told of my h ow.

Thinks its funny i got upset lost my home and my job.

H is with her now after I fought for 18 long months and been through hell.but really a man who does that to his wife deserves the ow.

I'll admit to revenge thoughts although lately mine have moved towards exercising power over the AP and even longer term random events. Oh I don't know things like:

-random emails asking if they want me to send the the dirty emails their adulterous dad wrote on their kids 16th Bday or wedding day?

-Would you like your boss to receive the emails and dirty pictures via hard copy or email?

-I also have their work email and linkedin account so it's pretty easy to help them apply for some new jobs.

Of course I always come back to the vision of my kids and laying on my death bed knowing I stayed on high road. Strangely this all relaxes me.

Although curious what other dark ideas may exist out there...

As I am sitting here reading all of the post about revenge and karma on the AP, I can't help but think that the OW BS is probably thinking the same thing about my WH.

I must admit that I hate the OW with every fiber of my being, and I do wish bad things would happen to her, but if I am honest with myself, it is my H that betrayed me. He could have said no!! So while I am wasting time thinking of revenge on her, someone is out there doing the same to my H.

I see this as a lose lose situation. Just a thought....

OMG, I have so many different revenge fantasies although mine all seem to revolve around outing the affair so that the world knows what a lying, cheating pig he is and that she is a skanky homewrecker (from the text messages I read, she approached him and "whispered in his ear".

I know that in a few years he will dump her when he finds his next fix. She will be devastated, just like his second wife was, just like I (his third wife) is. I have no compassion for her, she has made her bed and will lie in it. A relationship that starts in a lie, will end in a lie. I do feel bad for her children because they will become so attached to the Pig and when they find out that he has left their Mom for another woman, will be crushed just as my son was. Then he will blame her for turning the kids against him. Really, he does not have a clue!!!!

So, I know that karma bus will run her over.

What I want to do is out him. I want the charities that he volunteers for (as chairman of the board) to know he is a lying, cheating pig with no integrity. I want the people that work with him to know he is a lying, cheating pig. I want his college alma mater that just awarded him their distinguished alumni award in part for his integrity to know he is a lying, cheating pig. He is running around telling lies about me!! Trying to portray me as some vindictive bitch who left him, who filed divorce papers against him without mentioning that he was the one that left the marriage when he fucked his little trailer trash skank. He was the one that deceived me and lived a lie for months. Fucking asshole!!!! He's the one that laid in bed next to me and texted his fucking mistress. He lied in bed next to me, masturbating while he thought of her. Just grunting away like the pig he is. Sorry to be so graphic there, but that is why I call him the pig. Such a sick pig.

Everyone thinks he is such a great guy, works so hard, is so honest and personable. He fucking uses people, lies to them all to put up this false front, so that everyone thinks he's this great guy.

For me, justice would be that everyone knows exactly who and what he is - a narcissistic pig who lies and cheats. That he is not the poor victim here (sickens me to know that the ladies at his work baked cookies for him and sent home food for him because they all felt so sorry for poor piggy). That and taking a baseball bat to all his precious cars and smashing them!!!!!

Revenge: The action of inflicting hurt or harm on someone for a wrong suffered at their hands.

Retaliation: Action taken in return for an injury or offense.

Ive retaliated already by filing a police report and telling his bs, and by the looks of those definitions revenge does not look like the right path to take. You don't have to beat their face in, do something more civil like exposing, send a letter to their spouse, or like brokenniceguys ideas, make the fear and worry stay in them for as long as you like, it just doesn't seem worth it to do anything that may cause me more pain and problems. Waiting for last bs to accept friend request on fbn and then I'm exposing the last om. I'm ready to get all of this over with honestly.

For me the initial urge for revenge was kept in check by constantly reminding myself that my kids needed their dad and that potentially missing out on their lives because of trying to make a point to an idiot wasn't even worth it.

I agree with MovingUpward. I had serious revenge thoughts, and at one point was ready to challenge the OM to a fight even though he's bigger and stronger than me (from what I've heard). I didn't care - if I could just hurt him one time, with one punch, knee to the groin, whatever, it would be worth it no matter what he did to me. He couldn't hurt me worse than he already had.

But then I realized that my kids needed a dad who stayed out of jail and maintained his professional license. Especially since that's our only source of income.

Bottom line, my wife betrayed me and there are thousands of unsavory characters in this town who would have been willing to help her do it. It was her choice, no other person made her cheat and lie.

I just have to say to Its Better Now?... Holy SHIT! Facial reconstruction?? I'm sorry, but reading your post made me very happy. Maybe I'm a bit of a psycho but that's exactly the kind of thing I can see myself doing to the other guy. After reading all of the stuff that comes next though... it's probably not worth it :( Sorry you've got to go through all that... all that money and aggrevation. I don't know why courts never consider adultery as a crime. I mean, business partners who break the terms of their contract can be sued... why not bitch wives and assholes that fuck them? I hope you got a little bit of leniency from the court considering your state of mind after just finding out some of the worst news of your life. Anyway, buddy, good luck and thanks a lot for the eye opening story.

And to somanyyears... hear hear! "Fuck that shit" indeed!

[This message edited by whoismywife at 8:33 AM, May 16th (Thursday)]

Don't really understand all this misplaced aggression directed at the AP. As far as I am concerned 100% of the blame goes to the WS; they are the ones who disrespected you, humiliated you and undermined your marriage.

The AP? Could have been anybody they found attractive and desirable.

I guess the aggression comes from the fact that the AP knew my wife was married but flirted with her, crossed boundaries, and made himself available. No question my wife is responsible, but when sleaze bag fuckers hit on married women they need their nuts cut off.

To me - its not being angry at "either / or" - definitely - the blame is placed squarely on WS shoulders - yes, 100% - but I still have the right to be MAJORLY ticked off at OW.

..and for the poster who commented that someone is out there thinking the same things about her WH - yep, thats right - someone is thinking the same awful thoughts about MY H too. Oh well...too bad.

@Dawn - you go! Love your post.

Don't really understand all this misplaced aggression directed at the AP. As far as I am concerned 100% of the blame goes to the WS; they are the ones who disrespected you, humiliated you and undermined your marriage.

The AP? Could have been anybody they found attractive and desirable.

It could be anyone who rear ends you at the light and gets out of the car to shout at you and throw shit at you, but the person you take to court is the asshole that hit you and acted like a shit heel. If your WS is in the car with them when they hit you then it's not like they're any less liable for their own behavior and violations.

Revenge: The action of inflicting hurt or harm on someone for a wrong suffered at their hands.

Retaliation: Action taken in return for an injury or offense.

Wow LonelyBH. That is an important distinction. I think outing a cheater is the most appropriate consequence.

The AP? Could have been anybody they found attractive and desirable.

This may be rare, but some people are messed up enough to sleep with someone they do not find attractive or desirable. Some people (especially survivors of child abuse) are very vulnerable to emotional blackmail. Certain AP's know just how to create fear, obligation and guilt in the WS in order to manipulate them.

The WS is still responsible. They should have stopped being a victim, faced the consequences of abuse, and become a stronger person through years of therapy.

Yet, isn't the AP also responsible? Many OW's manufacture crisis after crisis to get sympathy. They'll threaten to tell the wife, expose the WH at work, or kill themselves without him. None of this drama would affect a healthy person who would say, "You're not my problem" and walk away. But these OW's chose people pleasers with low self worth who get easily confused and controlled.

The AP is morally responsible for their behavior, same as everyone else.

Edited to add that I would like to confront OW, but the best revenge for her is to remain alone. Her worst fear. When you manipulate someone into a "relationship" they'll never love or respect you. And they'll throw you under the bus the first chance they get.

[This message edited by sailorgirl at 11:19 AM, May 17th (Friday)]

I think the best revenge is moving on without h and the so called ow.

Just sit back n watch their relationship self destruct .

I agree it was our h that cheated but my h ow was a family friend my h her h best friend but I knew she was after my h and my life 2-3 years before it came out.

Her legs at permanent 10-2 and also after another friends h.

The best revenge is to be unlike him who performed the injury.

Marcus Aurelius

In taking revenge, a man is but even with his enemy; but in passing it over, he is superior.

Francis Bacon

These are old quotes. Yet they are still the truth. Revenge lessons yourself. For a moment's pleasure an emotionally mature and thoughtful man will spend a lifetime's reget. I wanted reget on the OM with all my heart. It would have been so easy. But I've seen, and done, violence. Leave it to the people on the telly, and the people paid to defend our nations. It haunts you. It never leaves you. You carry not happy memories but guilt and shame.

Be better than that. Be better than the OM.

[This message edited by LonelyHusband at 12:07 PM, May 17th (Friday)]

Every day, after DD, I would drive by where OM (scum sucking lawyer)worked on my way home. I would put my middle finger out and scream die MF die. I am a true karma believer. No, doing this did not make me feel much better, but, with kids, my dreams of taking the revenge that I truely wanted to would never materialize. Then...last year, about one year from DD, he passed away from unknown causes in his sleep...at 37 years of age. I personally think his wife slipped him a micky, but I cheer the end result, but feel bad for his two young sons. I hope for a satisfying end result for you my friend.

somanyyears, have you taken the time to go visit him in hospital? I would, just because.

Don't really understand all this misplaced aggression directed at the AP. As far as I am concerned 100% of the blame goes to the WS; they are the ones who disrespected you, humiliated you and undermined your marriage.

The AP? Could have been anybody they found attractive and desirable.

I personally believe that the only reason the state is involved in marriage (ie granting a licence) is to act on behalf of everyone else in society because of the impracticality of having all of society present to recognize a wedding. In recognizing the marriage, the state is doing so on behalf of everyone. When it comes to who to have sex with, a spouse only has one correct choice, and all other choices are wrong. An AP has millions of acceptable options and instead purposely chooses from the limited pool of destructive choices. Anyone thinking of getting involved in an affair should be fully aware that they are signing up for a lifetime of unrestrained hatred from their AP's spouse.

All that being said, there was a question posed regarding revenge in the Betrayed Men's thread in ICR, and this was my response.

Last Friday I was invited out to a social by one of my friends whose girlfriend was one of the DJs. Didn't know much about it, so I went in my normal clothes, showed up wearing my Remington hunting parka in blaze orange. Turns out it was a nostalgia goth party, celebrating 25 years of events mostly organized by another one of my friends I knew in university who had owned the bar the whole scene came to revolve around, and later the tatoo/piercing/clothing shop that was an institution among such folks. Even had the old neon signs from his shops and the chainlink fence around the DJ. Was missing the VT100 terminal to request songs through which was both futuristic and retro back in the day. Silly me showing up in orange, when everyone else was dressed in black, some adding extra rips to their nylons so they could once again fit into their old outfits.

I got there a bit before my friends did, and the first things I noticed were rather amusing, wont go into those here, then I noticed the first OP that started all of this, in costume wearing a black velvet top hat. I am far enough out that rather than a trigger, I was able to simply roll my eyes in annoyance and resolve that I was there for my friend (and as it turned out friends).

Now here is where the story gets relevant and somewhat comforting for newbies. With the friends I had there, pretty much everyone who was anyone knew them, and had to come over to hang out and talk for a while. Meanwhile, I noticed that OP spent all night wandering around not talking to anyone, carrying a camera with a lens bigger than my hand (for a small room that only holds about 120 people), taking pictures. Now some of our traditions in Canada are a little different from the US, so I will try an analogy that I think works for you. I spent the whole evening hanging out with the cool kids , while OP wandered around (despite his costume) like the dateless guy at prom who is only there because he is the photographer for the yearbook committee. I learned other things in conversation that only add to this impression.

<redacting a bit of stuff about religion>

...I actually have strong feelings that are discouraged in the modern world, and believe that for such transgressions, morally his life is forfeit at my discretion. In the early days, it was logistics (including legal)that saved him, not any moral prohibitions. Time and detachment may have greatly diminished my desires in this matter, but I don't believe they alter my rights, as there is still a principal involved. I a however glad that I elected to allow him to keep his life, as it is far more punishment than any torture I could devise.

Now so far this is just an observation of my own personal experience, but I have discovered more than one OP, and a disturbing similarity, as well as learned details of many other peoples OP's, both members and non members. It always appears thus. While we lack information, it is common to make out the OP to be some shadowy figure of menace able to mess with out lives with impunity, when the truth is revealed, they are usually not just messed up in some fashion, but truly pathetic and unworthy of our contempt. If they manage to take our spouses, they are not better than us, they are unwittingly performing a service, like those guys who troll back lanes to steal broken lawn chairs to sell for scrap.

But you know, check my tagline for further details.

And yeah, the other info I found out was how some people knew him, and it was rather funny.

A friend of mine in another state posted the OW on several personal adult sites and asked for pictures. Then a few days later put her WS on them as well. I have no clue what happened when the OW started getting tons of phone calls and pics, but I think it is rather funny.

I think about revenge constantly and really want to snatch them both bald but will wait for KARMA to do it's thing

I understand that men and women are different, especially with feelings and thoughts and triggers. And I'm really sorry for everyone's difficult times.

It seems like revenge is a universal reaction to being a BS and comes with some seriously strong feelings.

I've worked mysef sick somedays trying to remain on the high road and you know, SH.. is happening to STBXH, a/k/a Perv, without my having to lift a finger. Yes, I too had revenge thoughts and fantasies geared at both members in "the happy couple", but I'm an advocate of that high road. Why? Well, because of getting trouble, for one thing, but other reasons.

Because I have myself to live with and be with every minute of every day. I am fighting to gain some pride back and self-respect and seeking active revenge wouldn't do that for me.

In my mind, revenge thoughts are a form of energy and maybe there's another place to put them? This way, another angle, the OP isn't important...by actively seeking revenge, aren't we making the OP out to be this massively important person?

In my thoughts, the "important person" is me, but then Perv who is the "Monkey in the Middle" and OW got caught up in it all by allowing herself too. She and he have already chosen to do stuff far lower than I ever would and they have to live the rest of their lives knowing what they've done...so do the WS's and APs other people have.

Sorry I'm so long, but I think that people do get consequences for their actions in some form or other on their own-it may not be right away, but it will come.