SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Situational friends. I've actually been thinking about this a lot recently, because my family is not emotionally supportive or close, and I've never been good at keeping up long term friendships, so no BFF of many years or even who I would guess would consider me a BFF in return in the present.

I have specific people in different parts of my life who I go to, a coworker for the job I just ended, a classmate for school, a few girlfriends for relationship stuff, a cousin for family drama, a good friend who is in the career I am starting for work stuff that's just starting... There is minimal overlap.

Some days it worries me that I compartmentalize as much as I do, and that I don't have anyone who I'm closer to. I had really hoped to find that connection in my XH but didn't, like, a thousand fold the opposite, which I've really struggled with too, wondering how I got into a marriage that didn't fulfill me emotionally, presumably without realizing it despite how much I desired it.

Emotional intimacy is hard to come by.

I tend to turtle - retreat into my protective shell, especially if the time of pain is affecting my family.

When it's "safe" for me to come out, I lean on my sister, a small circle of dear IRL friends, and the SI staff.

It's my nature to not show pain. To get metaphysical, it has something to do with my Scorpio rising. Personally, I think it's a wild animal instinct--if you show pain, you get eaten.

Me, myself, and I.

Betrayed in the past by family, supposed BFF, and others so I no longer trust anyone (my mother passed five years ago and I partially leaned on her until then). I have developed, out of necessity, my own coping skills and internal strengths. It may not be the best solution, but it works for me, and I haven't let myself down yet...

My DD

She's only 1 but a kiss and a hug from her makes it all a bit better. I cry harder, but the pain lessens.

SO... in the past, and again quite recently. He has become my rock again. He will hold me til I feel safe again. We have been to hell and back so many times together, sometimes that's all I need to help me find my way.

Sometimes my mom, depending on what it is.

My brother is far away, but we are really close, and have very few secrets. We have been through so much together, I feel like sometimes there are things only he can understand.

I trust in God and myself.

I tried the leaning on family (too judgemental), XH (too uncaring) and friends (too loose-lipped).

In the end, it's between The Big Guy and me.

So far, we've done just fine.

Noone anymore. My parents are dead. My siblings have more issues then I do. The one friend, I thought I had, when all this happened was very supportive and then withdrew her friendship which left me alone. My husband doesn't deal well with emotional shit which is one of the reasons our marriage hit the skids, although he is trying but he will never be able to in ways that I wish he could.

The outdoors/nature/trees - when I'm really in pain and not ready to talk about it yet

Sister and SO when I'm ready to talk. My sister more than my SO just cuz she's an amazing counselor personality type. SO is sweet but not much to say.

My faith. I tend to turtle. Once The initial shock and pain wear off -it depends on the situation. BFF and GFs .

Mainly myself. My H sometimes, depending on the situation, but he really isn't that supportive, and he has a F it attitude towards many things. It's how he stays happy. I wish I could say my parents or my sister, but I have been burned, and honestly don't feel that close to any of them these days. So yah, me.

In the past it was my friends and family.

Family now gone.

Most of my friends are gone so im not too keen on sharing.

If I cant say SI then its nobody.

Thank you all for your input. I must say I thought I was a bit "child like" b/c I always longed for having a mother that would be there for me...yes, even at the age of 43.

It makes me feel better, reading that so many of you do depend on your moms. My mother is not that kind of "mom" so I missed out but I see that I am not the only one...

Hugs to all

(((((SI)))))

[This message edited by Exit Wounds at 9:47 AM, September 11th (Wednesday)]

No one-mom's gone, dad's overseas, spouse, well you know.

(((((64fleet)))))

I have learned to lean on myself. Its not because I don't have a support system, I do. But when it comes down to the nitty gritty I think I have come far enough to have trust in myself again. And I like to be in control with my own destiny. Sure I'll speak to friends and family. But in the end no one really knows what going on inside of you but yourself. And I'm smart enough now to catch the signs of depression and anxiety. If I feel them coming on I get my ass back to IC for a tune up. I also like talking to my dog. He is a great listener and has never given me bad advice. LOL !!!!

Deleted due to duplicate post!!!

See below

[This message edited by Rollercoaster at 12:47 AM, September 10th (Tuesday)]

First God, however

I tend to turtle - retreat into my protective shell, especially if the time of pain is affecting my family.

This is me exactly!

When it's "safe" for me to come out, I lean on my small circle of friends, and then my sister.

[This message edited by Rollercoaster at 4:26 PM, September 9th (Monday)]

-if you show pain, you get eaten.

Yeah, that was me for years. I used to keep it all inside and figure things out in my head and sometimes just go into the bathroom and cry by myself.

Growing up and for my earlier years there was no one. Family is somewhat judgmental and spouses were emotionally bankrupt.

Now, I do talk to my mom about some things but she is older and can't handle much anymore so I don't lean on her as much as I used to and I can't tell her everything. Sister I go to when the psychoX is acting up, for legal advice and support.

BFF is the one I go to most now, especially with romantic problems and pain. She knows me inside and out and she knows what I can handle and when I need to call it quits.

Past few months I had learned to lean on my new SO, but things are a bit rocky there right now and our circumstances are the cause of most of my pain. I still try to talk it thru with him but I also need outside advice and support so I have 2 trusted friends I can tell just about anything to and I will post on here every once in a while.