SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

(((((((jesss)))))))

You deserve so much better than this cruel jerk. Please see an attorney and prepare to lose the fastest 200 lbs ever (him).

You deserve love, kindness, and respect from a decent human being... And that is NOT him. Please KNOW you are worthy. Be kind to yourself.

^^^ what simplydevistated said!^^^^

Jess, I'm so sorry. What a cruel dirt bag.

Laugh at him, literally out loud. Do your hair, wear a perfume you like and rock your beautiful self around him. 180, 180, 180!

Is the house in his name only? As others say, see a lawyer. Fight for what is yours.

He is absolutely abusive. And since he's unwilling to change, he needs to go. I'm so sad to think of him keeping you down!

Time for the bitch boots. You're worth so much more.

Oh Jesss.

No. Just no. He has no right to say that to you and it is NOT the reason he watches porn.

He watches porn because he is broken, and because porn rots away the brain and screws everything up in there.

Screw that guy. What the flock.

No.

Get out some Christina Aguilera and listen to "Walk Away". At the very least google the lyrics.

You're beautiful just how you are.

No. I'm refusing to accept his abuse on your behalf.

Jess I don't know you but this is The ONE thing that I want you to hear. He does and says these things ON PURPOSE. He does it because he knows that a self respecting woman would NEVER put up with his shallow, perverted self. As long as he can keep you feeling beaten down he knows that you won't have the confidence to leave him.

It's truly the one way that a users know to keep a person doing their bidding.

You have no reason to believe me, you don't know me, but please google the cycles of abuse. The only part about this situation that is about you is that you're the person putting up with it.

Thanks everyone.

I know you are all right.

The thing is I'm not that innocent. I can't help but let him get to me and instead of being productive and seeing a lawyer or starting to excersize, since Dday I've just started smoking, and I yell back and say mean things right back to him, even threw something at him yesterday. (Wrote bout it in my other post here) So, I don't know if it's cuz of the abuse or what, but a part of me feels like I brought out the worst in him and made him this way. I have been being wreckless. And I will stop that now and take some of your advice. I hope. Thank you

Oh Jesss. Don't blame yourself. You are getting angry because he's pushing your buttons; because you've been traumatized; because you've been put in an awful situation. None of us are saints and when hurt we get angry, lash out, express our pain and fear and hatred. That is okay. It doesn't make you guilty. Don't take blame. Don't! Really. He made choices on his own; you did not force him into them. You are not responsible. This is 1000% on him. Tell yourself that as often as you need to.

Ok Norabird, I will try to remember that.

I have just got to stop letting him get to me.

Flowerforme, lol. Ok good idea!

Oh yeah, yes the house is only in his name. And he's the only one working since I have been a stay at home for seven years, so he thinks everything's his.

Oh Hell NO!!!!

You made his babies and raise them and clean the shot stains out of his drawers and he is gonna tell you that you are fat?!?

No Fucking Way!!!!!

Time for a to do list to get ducks and put them in a row. He says those things because he knows it hurts. He does it to control you and keep you down. For that reason #1 on your list has to be to let the words fall off of you.

Every time he is ugly or mean to you just nod and walk away. You don't have to cry, or respond. Do not give him the honor of knowing your feelings. 3 deep breaths and move on. It's not about you say this to yourself. I am smart, sexy, and fierce, he is sad broken and incapable of love. Write this down say it to yourself every day. You will gain strength from it because you know it's right.

Now for the real to do:

1. Make a Resume

2. Spend 15 minutes each day on Monster looking for jobs

3. Every time you go to the store squirrel some cash away.

(you have earned more than your fair share of what he earns)

4. Make a time line for exit ( this will actually help you to detach and endure his crap because you will have an end date in sight).

5. See attorneys. See several get some idea of how this Is gonna play out.

6. Get a job. Keep some of your earning ls in a secret separate account .

Finally you can then actually file and to get him out of the house. He is abusive verbally and you need to get some recordings of it and when you file you tell your attorney. "he is abusive and I am afraid for my safety and my children's safety when he is served, here are recordings of abusive things he has said, is there a way to get him out of the house?". Get your attorney to file an emergency order for sole use of the marital home.

You can do this.

Thanks tushnurse.

I will work on that list, I do kinda have something lined up for June, I don't have child care in town but will be able to bring my children with me for this job.

About telling my lawyer that I don't feel safe and getting an emergency order, are you sure? Because I do get scared when he's angry, but Not for my safety, I know he wouldn't physically hurt me. Won't doing that be taking things too far?

Actually you are right, I will tell my lawyer what I'm going through and see what he can do. You're right, he is a crazy person and he says these things to me in front of my children. I'm not going to be scared of his reactions anymore.

Thank you so very much to everyone for all of their replies and comments, you have no idea how much stronger and better it makes me feel.

[This message edited by Jesss at 9:43 PM, February 12th (Wednesday)]

We are all rooting for you and believe in you! Now, time to start believing in yourself! You will find so much power, freedom and strength before you know it. Old habits are hard to break, so try to be forgiving to yourself if you still feel weak, but starting a mantra to contradict his ugly claims and put-downs will build you up. And work on that list!