SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I think SadieMae may have worded her revelation to the BH poorly. Her WS has already said that she did it with kindness, albeit the "sucking off" part is definitely out of line. I am, however, taken aback with the BH being called a "chump".

but she lied to him about everything and he was too much of a chump to go through her computer. So I filled him in on their affair,

It seems that even us BS tend to blame the BS for the actions of their betrayers. This H may have been like so many on this board, a trusting spouse.

SadieMae, in reference to your approach, you will get no Monday night quarterbacking from me. However, now, focus on your healing and all the best to you.

My use of the word "chump" was not used with the OBS. That is my personal opinion on his lack of action from when I initially tried to tell him about his wife and my husband. On the phone, I was apologetic to him for contacting him, contacting him at work, and having to tell him the truths I told him. The only time I was cruel was in using the phrase "sucked off another guy." the "sigh" and the "lol" in my retelling here were in regards to the fact that he called me "ma'am" because I'm so much older than him.

Everyone comes here and reads/interprets with their own baggage. I am OK with what happened, OBS knows the truth of his marriage now, and now that I know that, I feel that I can move past the OW factor and work on my marriage with my WH.

[This message edited by SadieMae at 1:05 PM, June 22nd (Sunday)]

I never really cared about AP, so it was whatever to me.

I'm sure that's not of much comfort to your wife or to the OBS..

One of the most horrible feelings for a BS is that naive feeling, that we were played and acted like a "chump."

My ex hit on my cousin, and she tried to warn me what he was doing, but I let my ex gaslight me, telling me that she was misunderstanding him because he was just trying to console her after the death of her boyfriend (and one of my best friends). That was the biggest red flag I missed, and I feel like a TOTAL chump for not believing her and letting him manipulate me and gaslight me. So many times we don't WANT to believe that our spouses could cheat. I was a total chump, and I hate myself for it..

To block on Facebook:

From main page, click on the little down arrow at the top right-hand side of the page and go into your settings. On the left-hand side of the page, you should see an option for "Blocking", click on this.

You should see a section for "Block Users" and it says "Add name or email" if you know their email address that they use for FB, you can enter that, or you can enter their user name exactly as they have it on their profile, ie: Mary Sue Jones. Even if Mary Sue Jones has already blocked you, once you click on the "Block" button, it will open a new pop-up and list any and all Mary Sue Joneses on FB. Pick the one you need to block and voila, blocked. :)

I hate to be a pedant about this, but I have tried this multiple times, and even created a dummy account to test different possibilities. (This was during a time when I was WAYYYYYYY too obsessed with Whoreible) I was upset because JM did not have her blocked on his fb. When I went in to our son's fb account, she showed up in the pick list of people with that name. When I went in from JM's account, she did not. It's a very uncommon name, with only 4 other people sharing the name. Several months later, when I looked again, she showed up in the options and we blocked her. She was going in and blocking/unblocking just like we do.

When I created a dummy account and blocked my H, I was unable to find that dummy account to block when I went in his account.

I know that fb is wonky sometimes and also changes things frequently. It may be that this is a setting that has changed. But at least in the past, it has been impossible to block a user if that user has blocked you first.

Well you did what you did and it's done. So now what? I'm wondering why your WS procrastinated on the NC email? But felt the OBS should know? Was it he just didn't want to do the work behind it and wanted you to "fix" this? Sounds like rug sweeping to me...hoping it will just go away and/or someone else will fix this for him. Is he in IC? Are you?

This justification.... "There are millions of women just like her on the internet..."

Yeah. And we should accept it, and let it go and not do anything about that ONE we can maybe influence?

To paraphrase, "all it takes for evil to flourish is for good people to do nothing."

SadieMae

You did the right thing. Letting the husband know what the OW is up to.

I am eternally indebted to the person who sent me anonymous letters cluing me in to my husband's cheating.

Yes, it hurt. But it was far better to know.

I think any real betrayed spouse would want to know.

I have never talked to a bS who was happy that friends failed to clue them in.

You did the right thing and in the only way you could.

My use of the word "chump" was not used with the OBS. That is my personal opinion on his lack of action from when I initially tried to tell him about his wife and my husband.

He does sound like a chump.

The husband of the OW in my husband's affair, also failed to believe me initially, when told.

He also failed to keep her in line by not believing me.

I finally showed him definitive proof in way of porn videos of herself she sent my husband.

That must of hurt, but finally he believed me and he was no longer acting like a chump.

Remember his wife made him the chump, not you.

My spouse made me feel like the chump, not the person who informed me of the affair.

[This message edited by seethelight at 12:52 PM, July 1st (Tuesday)]

FWIW and not trying to thread-jerk: I went into my FB settings and did exactly what SadieMae said to do regarding blocking someone that has already blocked you and IT WORKS!! I now have a couple of additions to my block list that I am 100% certain already had me blocked on their FB pages.

Good to know that if my Ex and his Wife/OW ever unblock me from their FB pages, they still can't ever find me.

Good riddance....NC, NC, NC!!

I don't disagree with what you did. I defiantly disagree with how you did it. You took your anger for OW ( which was already displaced on her and AWAY from your WH) and took it out on a betrayed spouse. That is nothing to be proud of.