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SisterMilkshake ( member #30024) posted at 1:51 PM on Friday, August 22nd, 2014
BW (me) & FWH both over half a century; married several decades; children
d-day 3/10; LTA (7 years?)
"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak." ~ Homer Simpson
tushnurse ( member #21101) posted at 2:04 PM on Friday, August 22nd, 2014
Ok so now we quietly sit back and think positive thoughts.
(((and strength))))
Me: FBSHim: FWSKids: 23 & 27 Married for 32 years now, was 16 at the time.D-Day Sept 26 2008R'd in about 2 years. Old Vet now.
JanaGreen (original poster member #29341) posted at 2:07 PM on Friday, August 22nd, 2014
My test from this morning was not any darker than my test on Wednesday. I am not sure how much more I can take in terms of loss, so I'm trying not to stress out about it too much.
I've been all over google with the fluid thing, and nothing I read is making me feel better.
Thanks for the good wishes guys. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't very worried. I appreciate you guys letting me vomit my feelings on here and supporting me. Now I wait for my progesterone/HCG results.
[This message edited by JanaGreen at 8:41 AM, August 22nd (Friday)]
JanaGreen (original poster member #29341) posted at 7:56 PM on Friday, August 22nd, 2014
HCG is 13. He's going to start me on progesterone suppositories 2x/day but at this point it's probably a chemical pregnancy. I really am not sure how much more I can take.
LovesLaboursLost ( member #37272) posted at 8:49 PM on Friday, August 22nd, 2014
I'm sorry to hear that, Jana. Here's hoping this doc can give you the help you need. ((JG))
Crescita ( member #32616) posted at 9:09 PM on Friday, August 22nd, 2014
“Happiness cannot be pursued; it must ensue.” ― Viktor E. Frankl, Man's Search for Meaning
JanaGreen (original poster member #29341) posted at 9:39 PM on Friday, August 22nd, 2014
Trisomies are bad luck. Subchorionic hematomas are bad luck. Chemical pregnancies are bad luck. When does it stop being bad luck and start being something that somebody can do something about? I'm so terribly frustrated and angry. I want to punch someone or something until my hand is bleeding. I want to drink until I throw up (I won't do that since I'm still "technically" pregnant). I want to SCREAM. I want to curse at every pregnant bitch I see, because they come out in full fucking force when they know I'm going to be out in public.
Pregnancy is used as a punchline, as an advertising tool (car commercial on the radio incessantly: "We need something with more doors - we're pregnant!"), as a convenient plot device. It's fucking everywhere, inescapable, knives in my heart constantly. I have boxes of baby clothes stored away, a crib in pieces in the extra bedroom. Baby swings, toys, bouncers. We have the means to care for a child. We aren't crackheads. We aren't abusive. Is this why we can't have another baby? Do I need to start shooting up? It seems to work pretty well for other people.
I'm so fucking angry.
nowiknow23 ( member #33226) posted at 9:58 PM on Friday, August 22nd, 2014
You can call me NIK
And never grow a wishbone, daughter, where your backbone ought to be.
― Sarah McMane
JanaGreen (original poster member #29341) posted at 10:00 PM on Friday, August 22nd, 2014
Here's another thing. You know what people like me are called, medically speaking.
Habitual aborters.
I'm a habitual fucking aborter, y'all!
Sorry, I'm just fucking insane right now. I need to go home and scream.
Pentup ( member #20563) posted at 10:29 PM on Friday, August 22nd, 2014
Go home and scream and punch a pillow. Have a good cry.
(Jana)
Me- BS
Him- FWS (I hope- F)
wildbananas ( member #10552) posted at 11:57 PM on Friday, August 22nd, 2014
Travel light, live light, spread the light, be the light. ~ Yogi Bhajan
SisterMilkshake ( member #30024) posted at 12:59 AM on Saturday, August 23rd, 2014
(((((((((Jana))))))))))))) 
You can scream, cry and yell all you want here, we get it. There are no words................
BW (me) & FWH both over half a century; married several decades; children
d-day 3/10; LTA (7 years?)
"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak." ~ Homer Simpson
ThoughtIKnewYa ( member #18449) posted at 1:03 AM on Saturday, August 23rd, 2014
jo2love ( member #31528) posted at 1:11 AM on Saturday, August 23rd, 2014
Dark Inertia ( member #30727) posted at 3:17 PM on Saturday, August 23rd, 2014
I am so sorry, Jana :( I wish I had words of advice, but believe me I know the frustration. Even walking by a box of diapers is enough to make me disheartened, and don't get me started on those happy pregnant women with their big bellies. But in your case I do look at the RE as a ray of hope. Please keep on.
Aubrie ( member #33886) posted at 3:29 PM on Saturday, August 23rd, 2014
((((Jana))))
My heart is hurting for you Friend. I'm sorry for the pain.
DI, for you as well.
((((DI))))
"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway." - J. Wayne
JanaGreen (original poster member #29341) posted at 5:44 PM on Saturday, August 23rd, 2014
((Hugs)) DI. I wish we could have a margarita & bitch session!
DH & DD got home this morning and it's hard to be depressed in the face of her relentless cheer, so that's good. I'm to the point where I can say at least this happened early, and I didn't waste another 4-6 weeks in false hope. I'm feeling very discouraged though - I know chemical pregnancies happen all the time & if I weren't so cognizant of my cycle & if tests weren't so sensitive now, this pregnancy would have gone undetected. However, I also feel like I've had my share of piss poor luck & I'm about ready to catch a break. The bright spot is that I'm in the care of a specialist now & I can have at least some hope that he can help me out.
I appreciate your support guys. This has been a very challenging year.
Jrazz ( member #31349) posted at 5:50 PM on Saturday, August 23rd, 2014
I'm so sorry for this latest wave of ugh. I'm glad you have little Green to bring the sunshine - I know my DD saves me sometimes just by being awesome.
When does it stop being bad luck and start being something that somebody can do something about?
You are absolutely right to pursue this. I have had some heath "thingies" in which doc after doc shook their head till I made it to someone who was willing to explore and work on it as hard as I was.
I hope this new place tries new things and gets you some help and peace. Sending very big hugs.
(((JanaGreen)))
"Don't give up, the beginning is always the hardest." - Deeply Scared's mom
swizzlestick03 ( member #30102) posted at 8:08 PM on Saturday, August 23rd, 2014
FWIW, I never had anything but faint lines. Here's hoping the spot is nothing and the line continues to appear, regardless of how faint.
Me: BW-36
Him: WS-35
D-Day #1: 16 August 2010
D-Day #2: 16 January 2011
One smallish kiddo.
SoLostStillNumb ( member #44248) posted at 3:52 AM on Sunday, August 24th, 2014
Me: BS 30 Him: XH 30
Married: 5 years, together 7. No kids.
DDay: 6/3/14
Divorced: 04/2015!
"There is a crack in everything, that's how the light gets in."
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