SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

This needed to be bumped!!! What an amazing story of hope and healing. Truly inspirational. I hope you are continuing your amazing journey!

heartbroken_kk

Healing hugs to you.. Thank you for sharing, I needed to read this more than you might realize.

Thanks for sharing this, it is exactly what I needed to read right now. I am so much more hopeful and somewhat excited of the growth (with hard work) I will experience. This means so much to me right now. Again, thank you for sharing and bumping!

You are inspiring to me. I'm getting my ducks in a row for myself and my three little sweet souls and stories like yours make me feel confident that I can work hard and do this. You're awesome to me, thanks for sharing.

heartbroken,

i was so moved by the testimony of your experience -- you have proven strong and resilient and have given me hope after just finding out my wife of 16 years is a serial cheater. It is so wonderful you found your way back from the edge and finding happiness and success in life.

i am relying heavily on my faith right now and your story reminds me of a favorite bible passage about God's everlasting love, Romand 8:38

For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, 39nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord. Romans 8:38

I wish you continued success, love and happiness. God Bless!

You are completely and totally awesome!

So happy that you have come through everything and are so strong and focused.

Thank you for sharing your journey! Hopefully someone going down a similar path will find the strength to move on as you did.

YOU GO GIRL!

you are awesome, heartbroken.

How some people can turn so evil is disgusting. You fought back and I hope you kick his ass in court. I wish there was a way you could inform the other betrayed spouses whose wives he was tinkering with in the store.

Your story is an inspiration and I wish you the best as you fight for the stock in the company.

I rarely believe that someone should get absolutely destroyed in a divorce case but in this situation, I would love to see your ex (or stbx) get pummeled.

I'm so surprised to see my thread bumped but I'm glad that people are finding hope in reading it.

One of the pieces of advice that gets offered here is that you have to forgive the WS in order to move on and let go. I have not found this to be true. I don't forgive him and I never will. Instead I have turned him into a nothing to me, for 99.99999% of the time. I refuse to think about him or allow him brain space where I might ruminate on how much he hurt me.

When I do think about him for the 10 seconds every week when I find him in my head, I allow myself to feel the slow red hot burn of a deep and eternal rage. I hate his guts. There is nothing else on this planet that I hate, except him.

Anger can be compelling, once you can keep it from consuming you. Of all the things I learned in my healing, managing my anger is one huge growth milestone for me. I allow myself to be motivated by the intensity of my anger. I am the mama bear, and I will protect myself from harm.

So I think about my therapy instead that asshole, and I ponder and my latest self-improvement project. Remember, I am focused on me now - 180! What was my homework this week? Oh yeah, I am getting unstuck again from having trouble initiating and completing things at work. I reflect on my last session where we were discussing a particular issue from my childhood. We talked about a new way of looking at my struggling.

So I sit quietly and look at my notes and my quote of the week. I think about the next thing I can do to be the best person I can be. I think about how this can help me get unstuck and get some work handed in.

I have a life of my own to live now, time to get busy. All that energy I used to put into trying to keep him happy, trying to be supportive of him, trying to make his life easier.... I'm going to put that into ME. I'm so lucky I have me.

Wonderful story and good idea to post it where you did. Thanks so much.

I'm 8 months from Dday. Even 2 months ago I could not believe the wreck I'd been reduced to. The feeling of being made into a thing, brought to the lowest I'd ever been, and that felt permanent, by someone else's stupidity that I had no part in and did not cause was so unfair. It made me feel like I would never, ever get anything out of it, no growth, no positive transformation.

But, you think you know yourself, but you don't. You can grow in ways you could never foresee or expect. You meet new "you's" and grow into them. That is what I'm feeling now, as I start looking at houses to buy, begin new projects professionally that will take me places I don't even know yet, make new friends. I feel lonely, too, and still sad and angry, and the "relationships" area of my life is one big grey doubt, BUT if everything else is transforming positively, that gives me hope that once more time has gone by, that might, too.

Reasons for optimism, strength and a little inner peace. Thanks so much for your post, and peace and strength to all. Thanks to everyone too, for being here.

Heartbroken-kk,

..............Amen to that!..............

This is a really positive thread. Absolutely, we didn't deserve to feel so low. I've hit rock bottom, and it's not even my fault.

I am looking for my new "me" out of all of this - to evolve from this in a positive way. I'm resolute on my physical health - absolutely teetotal now (permanent change), was always a good eater, but keeping it going, and the exercise too.

I just have to trust things will work out well for me and my kids - and my WW too. I don't wish her ill will no matter what.

I agree, there is no requirement to forgive in order to heal.

In your case, I wouldn't forgive either. leave that up to God if that is what God wants to do.

Use that anger to motivate yourself to recovery and get some of your hard earned stuff back in court.

I love your positive outlook and yes, as long as you have yourself, you win

Amazing story!

I love amazing stories like yours! They give me chill bumps! It reminds me of "I am Woman, hear me Roar"! We ARE stronger than we realize! (And that includes BH as well! You are amazing men!)

Thank you for sharing your struggles, heartache, and recovery with us! Look how many people you have already inspired!

Keep being happy! You deserve it!

Marvellous post, thank you kk.

Such an inspiration.

So,so glad you survived infidelity!

Thank you for the encouragement, Honestly sometimes the future seems so bleak.

bump

I have also discussed the no forgiving my WS with my therapist. I know I will never forgive him. I was doubly betrayed by him(once for the cheating, and for another reason, long story). My therapist tells me it is ok not to forgive. As long as it does not destroy me. Same goes for my anger. I have that soul deep rage too. I am working hard on putting that to use in a good way. I also spent 29 years trying to make his life easier, trying to be supportive of him, blah blah blah...now it is my turn!! Am I scared? Down to the depths of my soul. I, too, may walk away from this with nothing, or almost nothing. Except, I have my self respect, my morals, and the love of our adult child...he has none of that!!!

Thank you for the inspiration..

I CAN REMEMBER AND RECOVER

BUT NEVER FORGIVE AND FORGET