Another installment
Last week son (17 yr old) called round to see me and said that his dad (stbxh) wanted things to be 'amicable' between us and that the 'only people who benefit from divorce are the lawyers' He told son to ask me whether I would be willing to try and limit costs wherever possible by corresponding directly. I told son to let his dad know that I agree to this as it also saves me money, but only in so far as notifying when papers are on their way etc. I refused to give up my legal representation and participate in an online 'quickie divorce' I told son to let him know that I was not out to 'screw him' ie his father, but that I would be seeking what i was rightfully and legally entitled to financially.
So having made an appointment with my solicitor yesterday, she informed me that if I knew when he would be at his parents house, we could serve him there, which would incur less costs. Based on this, I sent him an email last night, the first contact I have had with him directly since he first left. It simply said:
I am contacting you to advise you that I have changed solicitors due to my previous one going long term sick. I am sure that you are as keen as I am to get this over and done with so that we can both focus on our new lives. With that in mind, my solicitor advises me that they will be in a position to re serve the papers in around 10 days, so if you could possibly let me know when you will be at your parents house, I can get them sent over for you to sign. I agree, the less pain, money and acrimony thrown at this, the better, so I am definitely willing to cut costs for both of us in terms of legal fees where I am able. I harbour no bad feelings and genuinely wish you well in your future.
I received an email back today that said in capitals STOP CONTACTING ME YOU ARE HARASSING ME!
I am stunned, I have not contacted him for a year almost and it was he who asked via son for me to contact him directly wherever possible to avoid extra costs. I had hoped that we could move this forward without me having to take breaks to save up money for my legal fees, so his proposition suited me just fine.
I replied as follows.
Seriously grow up! You send a message via ***** (our son) stating that would wish to proceed with minimal costs and acrimony. You state that you are keen to resolve as many of the divorce related issues directly with me as opposed to paying solicitors. Based on that and as you requested, I simply contacted you with details of my new solicitor once I had enlisted her services and requested a convenient time to send the papers to you. I am under no obligation to try and resolve anything with you personally, however I was prepared to try and avoid any unnecessary costs in accordance with your request. Your response was astounding and immature, I have better things to do with my life than contact you and since I am legal aid funded, it makes no difference to me financially. How dare you accuse me of harassment when it was you who asked me to deal directly wherever possible.
Based on your claims of ‘harassment’ I am no longer willing to have any direct contact with you in relation to the forthcoming divorce proceedings, so I suggest you have just shot yourself in the foot with your fully loaded ego.
From now on, do not send messages via ****** or via any other means other than through our solicitors, You will not hear from me again, I assure you, you will hear from my solicitor in due course.
I am blown away, he is saying I am harassing him, yet I have had NC for almost 12 months. It was him who told son to ask me whether i would be in agreement to discussing trivial things between ourselves to save money on legal letters etc. Jeez i wish I had never bothered, this man is still as immature and irresponsible as he always has been.
His whole life he has avoided responsibility, his parents bail him out financially and in other ways constantly. They have enabled him to storm through life like a bull in a china shop without having to face consequences. He has run from debt, from responsibilty and always relied on me or his parents to sort out his mess. This is exactly what he is doing now. He thinks he can just piss off with his OW, not have to pay me anything and continue living his life now he has money. For once in his life he is going to have to face up to the fact he cannot run from all responsibility. his parents can't make this go away. What he is resorting to is intimidation and threats. He has always been guaranteed that his former job as a police officer and his parents wealth will bail him out.
He is living the life of walter Mitty and the eastern european cow who moved here only to marry another wealthy guy, is believing every word. Both of them are obsessed with money, both are lying about who they are and pretending to be someone they are not.
Sorry for the rant, I am just annoyed at his disgusting response to my attempt to meet him halfway as he himself asked. that sure backfired in my face.