This Topic is Archived
MamaDragon ( member #63791) posted at 6:55 PM on Friday, August 16th, 2019
cheating to me is the giving of oneself to someone other than your spouse - IE spending time, laughs, intimate thoughts, gift giving (outside of birthdays etc), kissing, hugging and other intimate things.
When you shaft your spouse on your time, thoughts, desires and physical affection with someone other than your spouse - it is cheating.
Flirting? ok, not necessarily cheating
Porn? not cheating (unless you dislike porn then yes, I'm not to hung up on porn)
Friends w/opposite sex (or same if you are in a same sex relationship) - this depends, I do think males and friends can be friends BUT if you are a male friend to me, you have to be friends with my spouse as well.
It makes sense to me in my head - Maybe not so much here.... 
BS - 40 something at A time, over 50 now
WS - him, younger than me
Reconciled
Crushed7 ( member #41129) posted at 3:36 AM on Sunday, August 18th, 2019
In the weeks post Dday, I had some specific "rules" for my WS about what I needed and what was/wasn't acceptable. After a few months I came to see that the "rules" where actually a manifestation of something deeper -- I had a core need to be treated with love and respect. That became the basis upon which I measured whether my WS was making progress in R and on which she would judge whether her actions/choices were in-line with my needs.
I think it is similar with defining cheating -- is your spouse treating you with love and respect? At the core of things, if that is true, everything is good. It also allows for some variation based on individuals and why there is some level of disagreement on certain specifics.
Me-BH
Her-WW
Last DDay-2012 (several month EA/PA)
Married 30+ years
LongSigh ( member #61954) posted at 7:03 AM on Tuesday, August 20th, 2019
This is such an easy question to answer.
Deception, deception defines cheating
Zugzwang ( member #39069) posted at 3:51 PM on Tuesday, August 20th, 2019
^^^^ Yep. Taking away free will and the rights of your spouse to make an informed decision about if they want to be married to you while manipulating and deceiving them. Any act they don't know about that would make them possibly want to leave the marriage. Porn to full on EA and PA and even to not telling your BS you cheated on them. To me not telling them is still actively cheating on them.
It is turning someone you claim to love and respect into a caged bird.
[This message edited by Zugzwang at 9:51 AM, August 20th (Tuesday)]
"Nothing in this world is worth having or worth doing unless it means effort, pain, difficulty." Teddy Roosevelt
D-day 9-4-12 Me;WS
This Topic is Archived
