SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Stay calm. Eye on the prize. Focus.

When will she be served?

Document EVERYTHING. Who has the kids when and what is done with or for them. To the best of your ability, document her time w/OM. Not because it makes any difference to the D process, but it might show that her priority is him and not the kids.

Started doing it the last few days for that reason

One of those nights with visions of them together, how long do they typically last?

A long time. You are in a marathon, not a sprint.

nohope, how are you holding up?

Hey nohope16,

First I want to commend you for you're bravery in reaching out and posting your experience. If I could go back, I wish I would have posted sooner and had an opportunity to embrace the helping hands through such a hard time.

Secondly, I'm sorry to see you have a need to be here at all. Unquestionably one of if not the most difficult experiences I have ever survived. But I have survived. Almost one year later, and I my heart still beats. Yours will too.

My one piece of advice other than take care of your health best you can, write it down. Get it out and write it down. Whether it be here or a private outlet. The simple act of venting does wonders, if you so choose to post here- the advice and encouragement you will receieve will be invaluable, and having a "log" of events and emotions can be handy in keeping details straight, and possibly beneficial later on down the road should S/D become a reality.

I do wish you the best, please reach out!

One day at a time here, retained a lawyer.

She said she had one and to talk to hers a week ago. My lawyer sent her a letter to let her know that i retained a lawyer and to have her lawyer contact her. She bugged out for a few days, dont know why she would. Her kawyer reaponded today. Looks luke we are on the way to D. Her time with the OM is increasing but she is lying not only to me but the kids too about it. Cannot really prove it though, but extreamly oovious. Definatly no R, she looking for lala land with OM. Sooner or later reality may smack her in the face, him being done wiyh her. Well see i guess.

Nohope, been wondering how things are going for you?

How are you doing nohope?

She seems to be getting worse.

Trying to alienate kids from me. Trying to make believe I'm going to kit her. She hid in dark by bathroom, I came around turn and she yelled don't hit me, don't hit me. I asked her if she was crazy, what is she talking about. Laywer is aware. Had an appointment for a 4 way last week, she canceled the day before and fired her lawyer. Did not like what I filed for with court. She has a new lawyer, supposedly did not retain yet. My lawyer said she is trying to drag it on now, may have realized she cannot get and do what she thought. She said she is also trying to lay groundwork with kids to get less and less time with me. Original lawyer took acceptance to us filing. Since she fired lawyer, I had to serve her papers. She got pissed again, guess she wasn't expecting that. Did it a couple days after she fired her lawyer. My laywer told me it needed to be done asap. My laywer told me she will file with the courts asap about time with kids set in stone, this way she stops playing games. Have to do it before it causes more damage. Because of what is going on, I am going to have to get a lawyer for my kids and get them evaluated. Hate to put them through it, but is for thier benifit. These days it seems she is yelling more and more at the kids as she get more agitated with me. I have finally got away from most of her pushing me to react. It passes her off even more. She got a red light ticket in the mail, got it on her way to meet OM, go figure. When I told her, fist she said it wasn't her, it's timestamped. Then she said the car is not in her name, not her problem. The car she drives just broke down. I told her how much it was, she said it's my responsibility, not hera. She uses it for kids and I need to fix it. She just started a full time job the other day, that she needs the car for. Said she will buy her own, I hope she does, won't be my problem then. Kids are now up in the morning with me before I go to work. I cook them breakfast now and she is furious about it, but that's what they want. I eat with them in the morning now, guessing that is why. I am starting to spend more time like I did since she started working. May be more as time goes on, she doesn't like this. I do though, I'm getting my kids back. She keeps hiding things from me about my kids, think my kids are finally noticing and starting to tell me to make sure I know. Hopefully this is a step in the right direction for a change. Thanks for asking about me and reading my ramble. Everyone is great here, thanks for the help when I need it.

Oh gosh...I can't wait for you to break free. I am very afraid of this situation. I am glad you are working on it.... she sounds like she is having a breakdown.

Focus on you and the kiddos. You are a good person.

Ok, have to ask. Having a hard time holding it together. She heeps verbally attacking me and keeps saying it's me. Goes out of her way to try and make me look bad and pulls the kids away from me. Bribes, lies, and says anything to get them away from me. It's hard not to go back at her, but doing my best to hold it together. How do you find the strength not to give up? I keep trying for my kids, it's taking a toll on me. If I go out,I'm sure she will use it as an excuse against me. When she goes out, she lies and says she is working. Her schedule is all over the place, so I cannot say anything, but I know she's not working. Went past one day when she said she was and she wasn't there. Thinking about going back to gym to try and get that to help, have to do it before anyone gets up. Need to motivate myself to get out that early. Guess, looking for an easier way, I know their isn't one. I guess I'm just venting.

Are you still living with her? She is going to accuse you of DV. Please keep the var on all the time. If it were me, I'd set up Nanny cams throughout the house, just to make sure you're protected from a false DV charge.

You also need to record her pulling that shit with the kids. It's parental alienation..and it could cause her to lose custody...and it should

Yes, still here. Cannot leave or she will get me on abandonment. She has tried a couple times to come up with false dv, has no proof. Lawyer said she will just make it up and lie, I need to be ready. If she does, I need to press charges myself so we are both taken, not just me. Phone recoder doesn't work right. Just got one in, need to figure out how to use it. Working on it now. Will figure it out by tomorrow. She is obviouslytrying to make it unbearablefor me so I just go, holding on for my kids right now.

In your situation, you MUST buy a GoPro, attach it to your belt in an obvious way, and wear it 24/7. They are expensive but are a fraction of the cost of defending false domestic violence charges.

Lock the door to your bedroom so she cant accost you at night (to fake domestic violence charges).

Hang in there, nohope, stay focused on you and the kids. Let her have her crazy all by herself. Check the thread for mblink, he might be able to help. She wants you to lose it, good job on getting another recorder. Reread 180 and practice "I'm sorry you feel that way, for the sake of the kids lets let the lawyers handle the details". Walk away, keep recording and hang in there.

I'm not in the bedroom for obvios reasons. Every chance she gets, she comes out turns all the lights on and makes a racket. I have a feeling this is going to be a long drawn out situation. She already got rid of one lawyer to drag it out, I'm sure its going to be a few to prolong it. My lawyer already wants to go straight to court. Says she is playing games.

You need to go back into your bedroom - she should leave since she is the one who cheated.

My lawyer already wants to go straight to court.

nohope16, please seriously consider this and allow your attorney to jump into to the fight and start swinging for you. I don't think your WW (or STBXW) is the type to suddenly have an "oh shit" wake up clarity near the finalization of D and realize what she really has to lose. She sounds like she already has a plan to replace you and you just aren't moving fast enough for her to move in this OM. Let your attorney help you protect yourself and your kids. It will get worse. You situation is beyond any hope of remorse from her. Your WW sounds WAY too buried in her entitlement and selfishness to see she is doing far more damage to everyone. I have a feeling that your situation is going to go nuclear once the OM has dumped her at the last minute and your WW goes full bore after you for the blame. Better have your legal hazmat suit on when that happens.