SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I hope a little "retail therapy" yesterday helped tp lift your spirits or at least that you got to enjoy the time with your girlfriends!

If possible, I'd recommend getting a new phone number and ensuring only the essential people have it (that won't share it further). Everyone else can contact you some other way. Also, consider telling him to only contact you via an email account ______ (that you can set up specifically for that purpose). Then, you can choose when to look at his emails, or even ask a friend to check them if they have anything important.

That will help you be able to filter out his communication/reduce it to less triggery.

Best wishes

I texted him back saying the only contact we should have is through our lawyers, there is nothing I want to hear from him otherwise. He didn't respond back.

(((NYG)))

You are handling yourself so well! I check your thread daily and I am so in awe of how you are handling yourself. You are a great mother and are so strong for dealing with this the way you have been. Your son sees this, your relationship with him will be even stronger. You are doing so well! You will be OKAY, it may not seem that way but you will be!

Thank you SoulCrushed16. I'm handling this as best I can and I know I'll be okay. I'm just sad and a little scared at the thought of being alone for the rest of my life. I didn't think I would have to start over at my age.

NYG,

It's totally normal for you to feel this way, hell we ALL feel this way or have felt this way at some point. I was deathly afraid of starting over and entering in a new relationship (who would want me and all my baggage?) but you have to know your worth, you get to live an authentic life from here on out. You get to walk away with your morals, values, and integrity intact. You get to be someone that your son can look up to and admire. You will attract many men because of who you will become after this. And from the sounds of it, you seem like a very strong woman. It's easier said than done but don't be scared, you are worth so much more than you think.

NYG my heart breaks for you and your son, but I completely agree with SoulCrushed - your dignity and strength are an inspiration to everyone here. Please know there are so many people pulling for you both.

One question has been gnawing at me since I read your first post. Looking back, in hindsight were there ever any subtle warning signs from either of them (sociopathic, psychotic or other alarming behavior) that either might be capable of something this depraved? It's just hard to imagine what kind of person could do such a thing.

That's the scary thing; I never saw any inappropriate or questionable behavior between them. I think back and I can't recall any instances of flirting, touching or anything that would lead anyone to believe they were involved with each other. My husband always seemed devoted to us. I really don't know how someone can live such a duplicitous life, it's very deranged.

I know I'll never get to the bottom of how their affair started or why either one of them let it continue. I just have to cut my losses and move forward.

WH been staying at his cousin's house since I kicked him out. His cousin's wife texted me to tell me she came home yesterday and heard him having sex in the guest room he's been staying in. She found out the girl he was fucking is a trainer at his gym. So much for my son's ex-fiancée.

Does this man have any limits?

Should I cut his cousin's wife out of my life? She's been a friend to me for the last 15 years. She's been supportive of me and has to tolerate my WH because he is family. I would hate to lose her friendship, but I don't want any direct ties to WH after divorce.

I wouldn't. She sounds like she's a good friend to you.

I agree with confused. She sounds like a good friend to have. In the future, however, you may need or want a boundary with her to not talk about your STBXWH. Sending strength and warm thoughts of peace and serenity to you and your DS, NYgirl. (((((NYgirl))))))

ETA: Your STBXWH really sounds like quite a messed up individual. He seems to have no boundaries. I wouldn't doubt if he may be a sex addict.

[This message edited by SisterMilkshake at 12:37 PM, November 30th (Wednesday)]

Wow - you sure made the right decision getting this man out of your life!

The cousin's wife sounds like a good person. Too bad both of you are paying for his behavior and you have to make this decision.

I had to make a decision as to cutting mutual friend's (AP was a "friend") out of my life. I found I couldn't as many were my good friends. I have had to pay for that decision as I hear about APs latest flings and even have to see her occasionally. Constant reminders .....

Why on earth hasn't she thrown him out? He's there because YOU threw him out. Presumably she and her H (his cousin) KNOW about you WH shagging his son's fiancee? They have been kind enough to allow him to share their home and he behaves like it's rutting season. It beggars belief. It would seem he has fallen into the Sodom and Gomorrah abyss. How long until he is shagging someone they know? A friend or family? He has NO boundaries.

Well. After that rant on your behalf..... What would I do? I'd suggest to her (WH's cousin's wife) that his behaviour is disrespectful and totally unacceptable. They have let him live in their home!!! It is BEYOND THE PALE. Unless his cousin is also his best buddy (in which case, perhaps his wife should wonder about her H), then he should be told to go and find a gutter to live in where he might feel at home. Or go and live with the gym bunny.

What a tosser.

I didn't ask her why he's still there and if they're going to throw him out. Honestly, it's not my business and I don't care. He's not my problem anymore.

I will have to set boundaries with her if we're going to continue a friendship.

He’s family to her and therefore she might feel some obligation to house him for now. You can’t choose family.

She’s FRIEND to you. You can pick and choose your friends.

I would appreciate that she’s sharing, that is unless you think she told you to hurt you. But if shes telling you these things for the right reasons… she’s a friend in my books.

she came home yesterday and heard him having sex in the guest room he's been staying in. She found out the girl he was fucking is a trainer at his gym.

Wow , your stbxWH is a real animal. I mean....he should be castrated.

[This message edited by ivehadit01 at 12:10 PM, November 30th (Wednesday)]

There was absolutely no malicious intent from her. She's disgusted with him and shocked at his continued behavior. I know she feels extreme sadness for my son.

WH is a total pig, and that's putting it lightly. I don't think he has a brain, his dick does all the thinking.

ASSWIPE!!!!

I hope that you are able to remain friends with her, she sounds like a good source of support to you. I hope that it stays that way.

How is your son doing??

((((NYgirl68 & DS))))

OMG what a pig!

I think someone already said it, but it does seem like your WH (I can never remember the acronyms on this forum) anyway, it really does seem like he is a sex addict.

His only way to handle stress, is through meaningless sex.

So sad for everyone, as he had a chance for a wake up call, and he is choosing to ignore it. Oh well, his wasted life.

As for the cousin's wife, as others have said, setting some boundaries about what you do and don't want to hear, and keep her. Friends are friends.

also, I will chime in as others have, you are an amazing inspiration to others.