SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I caught my husband cheating with our son's fiancée a few days ago. It hurts to even write it. It still doesn't feel real to me, I don't understand how they could do this knowing the devastation it would cause to the entire family. Thankfully my son dumped this girl right away, he refuses to come back to the house, and says he will never speak to his father again. We've been married for 27 years, I thought we were solid.

I had no idea anything was going on, neither did my son. There was never anything noticeable between my husband and this girl when we were all together. My husband's behavior never changed, he was never missing when he should've been home. The reason I never noticed anything was because they were meeting in our house during the day when no one was supposed to be home.

He has no answer for why he did this, hurt his wife and son. He just can't explain himself. He claims it was just a sexual affair, they have no desire to be together. Is this a mid-life crisis? He's 48, she's 25.

I told her parents, they're disgusted as they should be. I've told all my family and in-laws. Everyone is telling me to divorce him except his mother. She wants me to find some way to forgive him.

I know the right thing is to divorce him, but it still hurts to give up our history...it all feels like a lie now.

Oh. My. God.

This is a shitstorm of major proportions. I'm so sorry for your pain and your son's pain. This kind of double betrayal is extremely traumatising.

Whether you D this asshole or not is entirely up to you. But any foregiveness (and this is NOT required) is completely up to you, and it should most definitely NOT be given quickly. You have been through a devastating trauma, I am sure that he has NO IDEA of how much damage he has done.

You are right that so much of your life IS a lie. It will take a long time to process all of this.

You don't have to decide anything right this second. Protect yourself.

((((NYgirl68))))

How could he do that to his son, let alone his wife? I'm so sorry. Keep posting, keep reading.

How is your WH responding to all of this? Is he remorseful? Is he reaching out to his son? Has he gone complete NC with OW?

If this were me, I'd kick him out, now! Especially if your son lives with you. This is so shocking that I believe it is far too soon to have much contact with WH so getting him out of the house now will give you time to think. I know being in the house can be painful since the A happened there but I don't suggest you leave the house, if you can stand it. Make him leave.

Take care of yourself and your son. Try to help your son talk through it with you. You both could use someone who understands and only you two can understand this. Be good to yourself. Right now, this is all about you and your son and only doing what you need to do to keep yourselves safe.

I am SO sorry!

Wow, this is an extreme situation to be in. It is totally up to you what you do, and at the moment you really just need to be concentrating on getting through each day. I will say, though, that I think I would find it hard to forgive in this situation, as I think the betrayal towards your son would be the final straw for me. I think I could take a lot more pain myself than if someone did this to my sons.

How awful for both you and your son though. Make sure you are both looking after yourselves, eating and sleeping etc.

How completely selfish of your husband, defies belief.

You basically have a choice between your DH and your son. It's doubtful that your son will choose to have anything to do with you either if you choose his father.

Just wow.

This double betrayal must be devastating and I am so sorry you are here. I almost feel like it's highly probable that your H has had affairs in the past to get to this extreme.

It usually (not always) takes some degree of mental gymnastics to justify affairs for those are in them, but by this point your H abandoned all sense of reason. Of course, this is wild speculation... but still, no moral reasoning or critical thinking was implemented by either of these two when engaging in this.

You husband says it was "just sexual" but it was just sexual with his child's fiancee. Any woman off the street would have been a better (yet still terrible) choice. He can consider all the good things he's done in life and be assured that this trumps them all. A defining moment to his character.

I understand you love him. He has a whole hell of a lot of changing to do to deserve it.

I am so sorry..

I do agree with oftencheated on though...

Your WH not only had an affair, but this is one hell of an exit affair...

Your son gets to lose his dignity if he wants to have both parents in his life..Especially if his parents stay together..

So that leaves you in the tough spot.. You are forced between choosing to have either your son or your WH in your life...

Absolutely stunning.

I am so sorry. I'm in disbelief reading your post, I can't even imagine what you are feeling. My heart goes out to you.

What happened? Did you actually catch them in the act or find texts, pictures or something else?

Is there no such thing as self control anymore? To do this to you is bad enough, but to back stab his own son as well is mind boggling. The others here are correct, you are now forced into a situation where you have to chose between your spouse or your son. It's unimaginable.

I'm in no position to tell you what to do, but your husband is not deserving of either of you and as a mother I hope your loyalty lies with your son. He is as devastated as you are, perhaps more. This was his own father doing this to him. How on earth does he begin to process that? How do you? You both need to come together and support one another.

Strength NYgirl68.

I'm so sorry for you and your son.

I have no advice, just wanted to let you know we're all here for support.

It's way more than a midlife crisis. A candy apple red convertible and a box of hair dye could be a midlife crisis. An affair with his son's girlfriend goes way beyond that. My heart goes out to you--I don't have the words to express my sympathy. Are you two still in the same house? Can you bear to live there, at least for now? See a lawyer so you know what to expect if you divorce. It's normal to question everything about your marriage, about your husband. It's normal to grieve. Read the healing library, upper left side of the screen. Is your son speaking to you?

What does your son say about you still staying with his father?

I believe this can cause you to be estranged from your son, too.

I would suggest this is not your WH's first rodeo. My initial thought would be support your son or you will loose him.

This is the worst betrayal I have ever heard.

In my opinion, no one is going to believe you could stay with him, not now. Maybe months or even years, when the dust settles, when your husband has explained himself. Right now he is stonewalling. Can you believe it, he did this to your son, and you, and he is sitting there stonewalling? What a coward.

My heart goes out to you! Take care of yourself. Try to eat. Try to sleep. Drink lots of water. See your doctor for std testing and to talk about your mood. Also, check out the Double Betrayal thread in the I Can Relate section.

His son.

Monstrous.

Beyond words.

Unforgivable.

Sociopathic.

I wouldn't waste a moment of my time on a "man" like that.

I am so sorry to have read this thread.

Peace be with you and your son.

[This message edited by Unhinged at 10:41 PM, November 5th, 2016 (Saturday)]

(((hugs))) I am so sorry you are going through this!! Definitely help your son. Your husband made his bed, let him lie in it.

Yeah, son trumps spouse ANY day of the week.

I would stand in solidarity with my child. Kick WH out immediately. I'm so sorry you are here.

NYgirl

Wow, sorry you are having to deal with this.

You may not want to hear this, but I could barely dress myself, let alone make life time decision.

Get to individual therapy. Get to Dr. Check for std and Dr may want to give you med for a bit.

Sleep, eat, drink water and exercise.

I would work on connection with son. Suggest he seek help. Speak with therapist how you can best handle mother/son relationship.

You have my concern and good wishes. Please check in to let's us know how you are doing.

This is just an awful situation ! When I first saw the title, I thought this must be a troll post and I thought to ignore it. How did it start? Did your H approach her first sexually? Or, was it the other way around? Either way, it is a good news, at least one positive outcome, that she revealed her true character. Even if seduced, that is not the kind of woman you want to bring into your family as a daughter-in-law.

Your son must have been devastated by this. And I feel so sorry for you, and I suspect you stuck in this cessful of mess can't even tend to your own hurt, as you must have been pre-occupied with your motherly concern for your son's well-being first. It's as if your hurt has been set aside for now? I know there was a movie called "Damage" showing similar adultery, but this being a real situation, I can't fathom how this can happen. Let's say this had not been found out, would they have continued the A even after the marriage?

[This message edited by blueapple at 2:54 AM, November 6th (Sunday)]