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My son is doing well. He was promoted at work! I don't know what's going on internally, but he appears to be his normal self. He's going to wait after the holidays to start counseling.

He and a few friends are thinking of going to Vegas during Christmas week.

I haven't been on here for a while so I just read your thread here. (((NYgirl))), hugs to you and your son. I'm so sorry you have both been dealt this blow, but I believe you will both make it through this!!! You are an amazing mom. Do you have other children? So happy your son was promoted and counseling after holidays sounds like a good plan.

Love,

Dotter

It's probably good that she told you because it reinforces how messed up your WH is. You're not going to wonder if you made the right choice.

It appears this loser will nail anything he can. He has probably been doing this for a long time. I hope both you and your son have been tested for STD's.

He sounds like a sex addict. Like nothing else matters...well...I guess that's been proven. I would keep the cousins wife as a friend but like other's have said, maybe set some boundaries. If I were her, I would let him know just how disrespectful I think it is that he is conquering women in the next room when he did what he did to his own wife and son. Just my opinion...he needs to have it cut off. He should never have the luxury of being sexually intimate with another human being for the rest of his life.

He gave me a version of past infidelities, but there's absolutely no way it's realistic. He's probably slept with many, many women over the course of our marriage than he's claiming; I'm afraid to even think of what the number could be. Thankfully both my and my son's STD tests were clean. We're both going to get tested again in a few months to make sure.

I'm starting to realize he's also a narcissist. I always thought the interest in fitness was to maintain his health, he probably is more concerned with looking good.

If he is a narcissist, or even if he has narcissistic traits, make sure the attorney you hire is highly skilled in dealing with high conflict divorces and narcissism. You cannot treat someone with NPD like you would treat a reasonable person. EVERY detail has to be nailed down. Spell out EVERYTHING, even if your attorney believes it to be overkill. You will thank them in the end because these folks thrive on high conflict (sounds like your STBX also thrives on risk taking, which, when done to excess, is another NPD trait). They will try and triangulate (suck you back into the triangle of them with their AP. They desperately want ego kibbles from you (answer is no on that one).

NC and once you hire a shark in a suit, have all contact go through them.

Cat

I'm sure the cousin's wife doesn't have much say on kicking him out (or doesn't feel like she does) since she is the inlaw.

I also feel that she just wanted to let you know what he is up to behind your back so you don't change your mind and take him back.

I could be wrong, but if you had a decent relationship with her. It's kinda like telling your friend what their h is doing behind their back.

If you don't want to hear any of it I'd politely tell her thanks for the info, but you don't need it now since he is soon to be your x.

If I came home to that family or not, they would be gone.

If I came home to that family or not, they would be gone.

Yep. He brought some strange woman into their home that they didn't even know. He'd be in the street so fast his head would spin.

Congratulations on your son's promotion! That's fabulous. So many BS's can barely function so soon after finding out but your son and you are shining examples that it doesn't have to be that way. I hope he has a blast on his trip. A promotion and a trip, glad that good things are happening for him.

As for you, I wouldn't cut out the cousin's wife. She seems like she has your back. You never know what may have occurred in her own marriage, and she may feel a camaraderie with you. She may just genuinely care for you and not be too thrilled with her houseguest. You could ask that she not speak of your WH but keep the friendship.

As for your WH. Sex addict? Maybe. He surely seems comfortable with his behavior, and is clearly not remorseful. As painful as it was and is, maybe you were meant to catch him. Maybe it's for you to begin a new path to genuine happiness. Getting him out of your life could be one of the best things to happen to you.

I'm still in amazement at your strength. Keep it going!

😡😡😡.

Douche Noozle needs to catch something from his whores that will make his dick fall off. He just might be a SA and a possible NARC. Those two together are a recipe for disaster. Or maybe possible MLC? Homeboy needs help before his pickle falls off.

(((NYG)))

You are my girl!! You are handling yourself so well! And congratulations to DS on his promotion.

(((NYGirl)))

Here is one more vote to find a practitioner of EMDR as soon as you feel able to talk about your experience. The sooner you start the treatment, the better (and faster) the results.

Wow, impressive on the part of your son, I'm so happy to hear of his promotion!! I think that a trip with some friends could be very good for him. It's really great that he has such a strong support system of friends looking out for him.

The more I hear about asswipe WH, the sicker I feel. I am so sorry that you had to learn all of this about him in this extremely destructive and traumatizing way. But at the same time it is so healthy of you to be done with this relationship. You are going through a lot of pain, and it will be that way for some time. But you will come out of it strong, and you will be so much better without his presence in your life.

((((NYgirl68))))

This is my first post here, and I am yet to tell my story. Mine is long and complicated and will elicit some reactions from different sides. Soon I do hope. But with your son and his father, it will take time but this is family you are talking about. People by nature are distrustful and that sucks. Many years ago and now six grandchildren, my future mother-in-law made moved on myself. It was frightful to say the least. I was a teenager. I told my future wife about her attempt. She brushed it off and didn't realize the extent her mother tried to get into bed with me. After our first child was born, I was laid off from a job and was able to raise her her first year of her life. (Proud of her, she just finished got her Masters.) Regardless, when I was home with our new baby she doubled her attempts to get me to bed. Seeing the baby made it easy. I knew I had to do something to stop it...I had told my wife in the past. Not sure she believed it or not...now. I set her up and took photos of her in undress...told her to leave and that was the end of it. I know this could have backfired on me. She quit her assaults on me. A few years later when building a new house I found the photos, put them in my truck to discard them. They were not really bad photos. My wife showed up at my work and borrowed my truck without me knowing it...found the photos. I was scared that day coming home. She asked me about them, calmly...and I told her about my attempts to tell her what was going on. I told her I blackmailed her mother to get her to leave me alone. It worked as well. That was the end of it. I say all this to say this...time passes, things change, people get older and regret their error in judgments. And in the end...mother, father, children...relationships need to be in place. Abusive people fall in a different category. My wife's mother is now 86, her dad is also still living...and she was able to move past the passions of the past and love her mother as she should. I do hope for your son and his father that this can happen. It will mean the world years from now. And do realize this; your son found out just what kind of a woman he was in a relationship with. She isn't family. My story soon I hope...and bless you for being so strong.

It has been a while since you posted to this thread. I do pray that things are going well for you. I got the courage to step out and get my story off my chest. I have received some wonderful advice.

I think I can give advice easier than I can get it. I am at a standstill with my situation, but must act soon. I don't think mentally I will be able to let this with my wife go on. And now, since it probably has been PA, I am not sure how I will deal with it. And the loss of our closeness.

Again, hope things are going well.

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