SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Good For You SS,

I know how it feels to be lost in everything. Not knowing which way is up - but don't give up. It's always darkest before the dawn. I also know the NEED for praise. I grew up unpopular, improved looks & talent in high school and overnight became popular. Girls were everywhere. I got used to getting everything I wanted, whenever I wanted it.

That's not real - you have to find the way to be happy with you (I know - I am still looking).

You will get through this. Keep posting. Keep going to IC. WORK on YOU.

You can do this.

SS17

I might be breaking some SI protocol by doing this but I’m responding to something you wrote in another WS only marked thread.

I hope the mods will forgive me because IMHO this is something that has to do with your and your children’s personal safety and not really the infidelity. If requested I will remove this post once SS17 acknowledges having read it.

NOTIFY THE POLICE ABOUT THE NOTE YOU FOUND!!!!!!!!

Talk to the DA and get this nutcase OFF THE STREETS!!!

This has nothing to do with SWAT. You are not doing this to work back into his life. It that happens then it will happen. But the actions lately of your FORMER (yes – I truly think its completely over) affair partner have now gone past the drunken-one-time-mistake of crashing your garden. You need to stop him before he drops over with a gun to make his point.

PS – I’m a former cop that specialized in dealing with domestic abuse, stalking and the like. I see extremely serious patterns in this nutcases actions.

Bigger, she did. She went to the police and gave a statement. He's being charged again.

SWAT needs to be notified of this latest transgression also!.

OK – My misunderstanding. I thought SS17 was referring to the earlier incident – distribution of the pics. In cases like this I prefer to err to the side of caution!

Bigger is right. The DA won't know about this unless you tell that office. Telling SWAT before you tell the DA will look like a plea for his help. Show him you took action yourself.

SWAT, OM contacted me again trying to apologize for those pictures he sent everybody

VERSUS

SWAT, OM contacted me with a fake apology about those pictures he spread around. I already went and reported it to the DA.

Which version do you think he'd rather hear if you want him to see some progress in you?

[This message edited by Schadenfreude at 11:20 AM, June 11th (Wednesday)]

Agree with Schadenfreude only it wasn‘t an apology. This is the sick part; it’s a taunt.

Thanks guys. I did tell him and he is really upset. I'm mad, how could I not know AP was so crazy. I've known him longer than I knew BH. This man caused a scene at a local park with young children everywhere. He came to my house and ruined my yard. This man was a part of our lives for many years before the affair. How could I not see he was so imbalanced.

I introduced all of this craziness to my family. All because I needed someone to stroke MY ego and make ME feel good. Now I really believe my family.is in danger. I've filed so many charges against him and had him arrested. He writes he loves me. He is freaking stalking me.

SS,

The AP from my A went bunny boiler on me when I ended the A. He did very similar things to what your AP is doing.

You have to separate the A from his behaviour afterwards. What he is doing now is not your responsibility. He is a very unstable individual, do what you need to do in order to protect your family. His actions are his choice and have nothing to do woth you, don't take the blame for that.

(((((((SS17)))))))

You aren't responsible for OM's actions. If it's any consolation, others missed it also.

Please look into your states stalking laws, they may have less loopholes for OM to wiggle out of. He is a ramping up the craziness. That means you need to be extra vigilant with your safety and the safety of your children. They know him and it will be easy for him to lure them away. Talk to them, maybe explain to their therapist what's happening and ask for guidance in what to tell the kids.

Or ask in another forum on SI, there are some awesome parents on these boards. They are great at explaining things in a way that the kid understands and empowers them. Most of those parents hang out in the separation and divorce room.

Dealing with out of control psychotic people is scary. Please be careful.

Hugs.

K

Get cameras

Alarm the house, including panic alarms in the bedrooms

A dog perhaps?

Bright lights outside of the house.

Your AP sounds like a doozie. Even if he goes to jail for these latest escapades, he'll be out again. He's shown no desire to put on his big boy pants and back away. He is fixated, and totally out of touch with reality.

In other words, he is scary, and needs to be protected against. I'd let your children's school know as well...in case he tries to talk to them there.

I'm very sorry you're dealing with this. But deal with it you must, along with all of the other stuff that is plaguing you right now. You have no choice but to take care of your kids and yourself. Swat too will have to watch his back.

My guess is not the end of this. I hope I'm wrong, but my gut says he'll return in one way or another.

Have you and Swat told your children that he is a bad man and would hurt them if he had a chance so to not trust him?

He is worse than stranger-danger if you have not told them.

SS17, I am very concerned for you, your children, and SWAT.

This guy sounds like he will stop at nothing. He is extremely unstable.

This may be extreme but is it possible to fence the home with electric gates for the cars to enter. Any activity along the fence gets monitored (and taped).

This guy may stop tomorrow, or could keep this up for years. It may cost a lot of $, but might be worth it for your peace of mind.

And yes, prior poster said to tell the children he is not to be trusted.

Your parents and brother already know his game, so they can be suitably prepared if he shows up.

Wow, what an awful situation you are in.

Yes, you were at fault for the affair that precipitated your separation and possible divorce....but this stuff is not on your shoulders. Your AP carries all of this on his shoulders (assuming you are no contact, and I do trust that you are).

The best thing that could happen is this guy end up in jail, get into trouble in jail, and be stuck there for a long time.

[This message edited by JanetS at 12:13 AM, June 13th (Friday)]

Duplicate post.

[This message edited by SoSorry17 at 8:37 AM, June 13th (Friday)]

We did talk to the kids, dd is angry. She doesn't know what has happened but she has overheard enough to know I'm the cause of all this. But she did tell me she would make sure her "little men" listen and are safe. She was so serious to. She really takes after her father.

Swat put in probably a dozen huge motion spot lights and added several cameras to the security system yesterday. He changed all of the locks and made sure the house is secure. Its like fort knox. We actually have five dogs. Two german shepards and a dutch shepard. Two are retired police dogs. They are very protective of the house and kids. The labs are goofs and follow bh around like a shadow.

He did all of that without asking. He just made sure we were as safe as he could make us. He explained how the new stuff worked and gave me the new keys. He said "You have the only copy of the keys, don't lose them sweetheart." He didn't even realize he said sweetheart I'm sure, but damn it made me feel good for a minute. I thanked him and asked him if we could talk for a while. He got a funny look on his face and said he couldn't and walked to the garage.

Every day he does something that shocks me. He does so much for me and he doesn't even realize he is doing it. When I'm alone at night I get sad and angry. That is usually when I have my little pity parties and my ranting posts. Last night all I could think about was comparing AP and BH. How I could have created this fantasy world where BH was a bad guy and AP was my hero for listening to my lies about how "horrible" my marriage was. Yet here Swat is being the good man that he is.

My marriage maybe over, he may never be able to forgive me. The divorce is moving forward and were waiting for the allotted time required at this point. But we have three amazing kids and he will always be a part of my life. So I'm going to be the best person I can be for him. He deserves that.

Glad to see that you're as safe as you can be at home. What happened with your AP? Was he arrested again? Any update on what the DA's office is doing?

How I could have created this fantasy world where BH was a bad guy and AP was my hero for listening to my lies about how "horrible" my marriage was.

That's the fog. I did the same thing when I was having my affair. I *had* to convince myself he was a terrible guy to justify the fact that I was messing around on him. Because *I* couldn't be a terrible person who was having an affair because I'm a selfish bitch, right?

You're probably at your lowest point ever right now. That means the only direction left to go is up. You've already started climbing. Keep going.

So I'm going to be the best person I can be for him. He deserves that.

What do you think *you* deserve? Do you believe that you deserve to be the best person you can be FOR YOU? Get healthy because YOU deserve to be a healthy person, and by doing that you'll be a healthy person for those around you.

Keep it up, SS17. I've read all your posts and I think you're making progress. You really do deserve to be healthy; I hope someday you believe that.

So I'm going to be the best person I can be for him.

Please, do it for you. Doing it *for* him can so easily turn to resentment and anger.

how "horrible" my marriage was.

Because you had to do things *for* him?

He deserves that.

He deserves better.

walktheline. Your absolutely right. I deserve to be the best person for me as well. This is all new to me and sometimes I don't express my thoughts to well. Its kind of refreshing in a way. I'm not scheming for or planning any drama or lies,there isn't any pressure. I don't have to be fake anymore. I don't have to be fake to impress Swat so he wants me. He wanted and loved me, he "validated" me like I wanted. Then after a time, he wasn't enough. Hence the lies, manipulation, drama and eventually my worst decision ever, the affair.

Now I get giddy because he says "sweetheart" without realizing it. Swat is a great guy, but a little rough around the edges. He is a hugger would always be touching me and can melt you when he gives you a certain look. But he wasn't one for pet names or sweet words. He showed his feelings through actions. I'm not saying I needed him to say sweetheart and I'm not saying he was giving me any validation. I guess it is just nice to know that he at least has some positive emotion for me and not hatred.

I understand that his feelings and actions are out of my control. All I can do is make myself better and deal with my own problems.

5454, I'm sorry. I don't understand your question.