SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Dear Samantha aka Demon Spawn,

Mommy loves you. Mommy doesn't know why, but it is true. Please stop hoarding pens/coins/nail clippers/chunks of "stuff" etc under the area rug in the living room.

Please?

I don't understand your need to bury everything under that rug. I just don't.

And while we're at it - my feet. I will/and have, conceded to letting you in the bedroom because I can't stand your incessant scratching at the bedroom door - but understand that I am a big girl in a full sized bed and my feet are not your playthings.

They are feet. They will poke out from the covers sometimes. They are not scratching posts nor do they contain catnip.

Leave them the hell alone.

Mommy loves you.

Next time you want to hoard crap under the rug or scratch my feet say to yourself "s...p....c....a".

And stop.

*kisses*

Sincerely,

Proud owner of the most obnoxious black cat this side of the Mississippi.

Dear OL,

My new anthem,

Hope It Gives You Hell-All American Rejects.

And my new phrase. Found this last night and it was so funny I had to steal it and make it my own.http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Raw0qFn1IU0&videos=fj42H7pHdu4

"Fuck those fucking fuckers."

Is that not funny as hell?

[This message edited by Heartless Bytchh at 1:30 AM, July 23rd (Friday)]

Dearest “24 hour emergency service” plumbers:

I include herein for your information a definition of the word “emergency” --

Emergency: a sudden unforeseen crisis (usually involving danger) that requires immediate action

I would point you to the bolded words. Very key to my letter.

When I call you up…I don’t expect to hear “annoyance” on the other end. I don’t expect you do not fully comprehend what I am saying. I most certainly do NOT expect to hear you say, after I tell you it’s an emergency, that you can provide me a 4 hour block of time (starting at the earliest 4 hours from when I call you) that you can come and see to my emergency.

When I tell you that the line coming from the street has blown a leak inside my house…why….WHY do you insist on telling me how to fix the problem with my hot water heater?!?!?!?!?? It ain’t the fucking hot water heater. Did you all attend the same Customer “No Service” school?????

Why in Fuck’s name do you call yourself an emergency plumber when you the only emergency appears to be you having been woken up at 6am??

You stupid asshole son’s-a-bitches. May the fleas of a thousand camels infest your collective crotches.

Dear Life and World in General,

DON'T FUCK WITH ME.

I WILL FUCK YOU UP.

I am PMSing and perimenopausing at the same time.

I haven't had sex in at least 4 years and that was lousy. I can't really remember the last time I had good sex. I think that's a mythical thing like unicorns and happily ever afters.

I'm so damn horny, it's a miracle I don't self combust when I walk.

I haven't had a cigarette in over a month but I'm still craving one just as bad.

I've been working on breaking a carbohydrate addiction for about a month now and that isn't getting any better either.

I went to the Dr. to get some medicine to help me lose weight. He said I have to lose weight before he can put me on the pill.

On top of it all, our Bday is coming up. Another Bday w/o my daughter.

I am holding on to my self control so far. I won't have any pity for the next idjit that pisses me off.

I may have to hit up some of my SI buds to throw my bail.

HB

p.s. is chocolate a carb?

Dear HB's son,

(((((((HUGS)))))))

poor boy.

-wb2

p.s. here's something to make your mom feel better:

Dear WB2, son is fine. He's barricaded himself in his mancave with a new video game.

He'll come out when he gets hungry.

Oh, and thanks for the eyegasm candy.

At least I can haz virtual eyegasms.

[This message edited by Heartless Bytchh at 10:19 PM, July 30th (Friday)]

Dear Library Admin,

Thank you so very much for making a decision that affects thousands of people. The inconvenience you have inflicted upon the university teachers, staff and associates has not yet to ripple through the campus because you haven't informed anyone. You are just letting them be surprised, creating frustration and impacting the productivity of research.

Really, one 10 page article should not require 3 library trips, a trip to printing and reprographics, and two trips to a business office.

sincerely,

One insignificant lab worker

Dear Powers That Be (in the country where I reside)

Really? Really? What morons have come up with the new visa law? Have you all lost your collective frikken minds???

Do you have any f'en idea what you are doing to yourselves????

Sincerely,

One who hates stupid lawmakers!!!

(Mods, hope this isn't considered political )

Dear idiot parents,

Really do you think that little Johnny and Julie are safe when you tell them to jump out of a car because you didn't make the light and have them cross through traffic that is turning right to get to the sidewalk?

Or better, send them across the intersection because you forced your way into the center and you are now blocking the box?

Sincerely,

Flabbergasted driver of safety.

Dear short weeks,

I like going home early, I really do but 2 weeks straight is really going to kill my paycheck. The modest raise I got is not going to cover more than two days short.

So, though I may hate myself for asking, could you *please* find enough work for me to last all day?

P.S. and making me do some other line's work won't really cut it either... I want *my* work.

Dear OL (PartV),

It is okay, do not feel sad. CD was not ignoring you. She is just feeling special because it is her Birthday and she is queen for a day.

Lots of hugs

OL writer

Dear Monday,

You did not disappoint me.

You sucked.

Big big time.

Thanks a whole big bunch.

kd

Dear Allergies,

What the f*ck????

Sincerely feeling like my skull is going to explode,

Hope

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Dear Fall,

Oh how I miss your cool, crisp days and pollen-less air.

Please, please come early this year.

Anxiously awaiting your arrival,

Hope

Dear Dr.

Please don't let the procedure we're doing this afternoon be painful. Please. I'z skeered of pain!

Signed,

Skeerdy Kat

Dear Skeerdy Kat,

Praying a safe a painless procedure.

Hugs

Ria

Dear kdny

I know that you consistantly bash and hate me, but I am really lonely and am missing your abuse.

Monday

Dear Policey officers,

Lead by example.

Traveling at a high rate of speed and weaving in and out of traffic warrants lights at least. Without it or sirens just sends the wrong message to citizens.

Thanks

The lady you almost hit.

Dear Weekend,

Noooo, please don't leave me. If you do that I'll be forced to go back to that needy,greedy whore of a job.

Without you my life is hell. Have I not been good? oh, wait.. there was that tiny little scissor incident.. but, yeah. Other than that? I'm mostly good. right?

Don't you realize how much I love you?

Please. Don't leave. please?

Dear Chipmunkie,

There is another weekend in four more days. Hang on, it will be here before you know it.

Hugs

Another happy weekender