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the only reason you found out that the baby might not have been yours is because OM threatened to tell you after he found out.

I do believe this is likely. She did explain to me that after they got the test results the OM said that they should tell her parents as soon as they get back from their trip together after work. She explained to me that she told him no, and that I need to know asap. She told me within an hour of that conversation.

It sounds like she kept having sex with him after hearing that she had gotten an STD from him.

True, she didn't know she had an STD until 8 or 9 weeks into her pregnancy when blood work was completed. She found out around 6 weeks she was pregnant. Like I've said before there was 1 week between her being with him and me around the time she became pregnant. I have not asked when the last time they were together was, but its safe to assume that she was with him at least once within the first 6 weeks she was pregnant.

When did it actually stop?

She explained it was shortly after being confirmed she was pregnant. So around 8 weeks into her pregnancy which would have been the end of October.

To reiterate, I have asked and she has answered that if she hadn't gotten pregnant, the affair would most likely still be going on today.

Each day that passes by and I further grasp this all of this information I honestly feel like its getting easier to walk away from her. I essentially have a decree completed that I plan to go over with her; if we cant agree then I'll involve my lawyer or seek mediation, and I also have all of the paperwork completed to actually file for D, they just need a signature and date.

Lawyer said its fine with him to try this on my own, and he will be ready if I need him.

Life is all about choises. Good choises and bad choises. You're WW made a series of very bad choices. Not only did she cheat, she contracted an STD and posed you to a health risk and she got pregnant.That is one of the worst things a spouse can do in a Marriage. Those bad choices have concequences. Now you have to chose to D or to R. It is important that you choose for yourself. You have to carry on the rest of you're life. Do not let the WW or her parents or anybody else influence you're choises. Choose the best for yourself and you're son.

Director23, I'm a little concerned about the advise your

lawyer provided. A divorce involving an OM's baby doesn't

sound like something that should be handled on your own.

Usually when a wife is pregnant, the husband is presumed to

be the father.

You shouldn't be surprised that your mother in law was taken

aback by your response. No matter how heinously their daughter

acted, they want to believe she's still a good girl. In her

mind you need to forgive and forget. Since you're not willing

to rug sweep, they will turn on you. Expect it. Also Like I said

before, don't be surprised when OM gets his job back.

You really need to steal yourself for the possibility for this to

get ugly. Even though you've been a great son in law, you're now

going against their daughter. There's family honor involved.

Usually when a wife is pregnant, the husband is presumed to be the father.

True, and in this case that is exactly correct. Lawyer advised me that I would need to file a motion to essentially give up my paternal rights to the child if it isn't biologically mine. he explained I will have no issues with that, and it is not necessary to start that process until the child is born. Once a paternity test after the child is born confirms that, that is what I will do. If the child is confirmed that it in fact is mine, then I will want joint legal and physical as well.

WW understands that there is to be no name listed in the father section of the birth certificate until paternity is confirmed. The hospital where the child is born will be completing the testing as soon as it is reasonable after birth.

In my State Certain very specific wording was required in the D paperwork for xWW to give up all claim to my pension and 401k. The lawyer didn't do much beyond draft that phrase into the filing but he did do that.

You might ask your L if similar conditions apply in your State.

Director,

What is your wife demeanor? How is she acting towards you? Has you or your wife had any contact with her AP? Has the AP tried to contact your wife or vice versa?

Glad to hear that your situation is progressing director. Keep to the 180 and keep your resolve. The path you're taking is going to get your life back quicker than any other you could pursue. I hope you continue to feel better and continue to take care of yourself. Stay strong and regardless of the distractions or revelations, don't waiver from the decisions you've made. Try to stay on good terms with the families and your friends and let them know what's going on so they know how to support you.

True, and in this case that is exactly correct. Lawyer advised me that I would need to file a motion to essentially give up my paternal rights to the child if it isn't biologically mine.

Once again, other people already pointed this out before. Giving up your paternal rights is NOT THE SAME as not having any responsibilities for the child in terms of child support claims. Depending on the state you're living in, all you do is hand the child to its mother and father while still being on the hook for financially supporting it!

This is all too funky…

An attorney that gives the go-ahead to a hodge-podge half-assed DIY resolution to the paternity issue…

That concerns me even more than an attorney that suggests you do a DIY divorce.

Attorneys sometimes call the forfeiting of parental rights as the death-sentence in family-law. There are SO MANY factors that need to line up and such high standards that a judge is reluctant to sign off on such judgements. For one – the RIGHT of the CHILD needs to be met, and having you forfeit your parental right is NOT in the child’s best interest. After all – while you are the father you are financially obliged to meet some standards.

Rule of thumb is that a judge might agree to a FOPR if the child is being adopted or there is some other person willing to assume the legal obligations you are forfeiting.

Leaving the birth-certificate blank is NOT going to get you off the hook. That’s a clerical error and not a legal action. You and the mother are married -> You the father. Irrespective of what a midwife or doctor enters into the systems.

Director – you have had a therapist share patient info over the phone (a big no-no), a Catholic priest share what other in his flock have told during consultation (a big no-no), and now legal advice from what sounds like a tap-room lawyer. Please get real, professional help.

Simply put... please seek advice from more then one divorce lawyer. Make sure the few you talk to are stating the same thing to you. The last thing you need is to be trapped funding OMs child.

director, I agree with a couple of other posters.

You need to get into another attorney's office. Pronto. A GOOD attorney who has years of experience in family law. It doesn't sound as though this one is steering you in the right direction. I'm very concerned for you.

D23-

I did most of the D paperwork myself coached by my attorney. It was simple. No kids, split the investments and the house.

Adding a kid that you may or not not be the bio dad but are the legal dad is something I would not try to deal with on my own, that is what lawyers are for.

You could end up on the hook because of a clerical error.

Have your in-laws circled the wagons around their DD yet?

Have they tried to influence you to forgive and forget?

Are you even allowed to divorce your wife while pregnant in your state? You may be a able to start the proceedings but I don’t think you will be able to finalize while she is still pregnant.

What is your wife demeanor? How is she acting towards you? Has you or your wife had any contact with her AP

She's delirious. Essentially wont leave me alone. I'll get home from work m-f and she will be there with our son in living room and ask, 'is there anything you want to talk about?' as soon as i sit down. My house has become a living hell for me. I only stay to see my son as much as I can. She continues to say I'm sorry and this and that, and then immediately being to basically treat me like I'm a therapist and talk at me trying to find solutions to her problems. I continue to tell her i don want to talk, talk about it, and that you made these choices to put us here. She has said repeatedly that divorces cause bad marriages; I'm adamant that affairs cause bad marriages.

Giving up your paternal rights is NOT THE SAME as not having any responsibilities for the child in terms of child support claims.

Agreed and also explained in detail to me by lawyer. If child is confirmed to not be mine I will essentially not have any biological rights to the child; i will have to seek an order stating that I will not be providing any paternal rights, meaning I will be relinquishing all responsibilities going forward.

An attorney that gives the go-ahead to a hodge-podge half-assed DIY resolution to the paternity issue…

That concerns me even more than an attorney that suggests you do a DIY divorce.

My explanation was hodge-podge if anything. He has dealt with issues like this before, and fully knows how to navigate through the process.

He also didn't necessarily tell me how to do a diy divorce, he is a friend of mine not connected to the ww. He understands that getting lawyers involved can make things messy, and he hoped that if he did have to offer services, it would be to make sure everything I want is being taken care of, and that any questions about the divorce process are answered.

--------------------------

Its been 4 days since I last posted and a whole lot has occurred. Saturday was my brothers gender-reveal party; pretty big family event. Last Tuesday we agreed she wouldn't be going and i'd be taking our son. The morning of ww lost it, said he cant go, and i basically did a 180 and went to basement and said he is coming and we are doing what we agreed upon. While walking downstairs she text my mom, and asked if she could come. Mom immediately calls me and tells me ww text her, i said not to respond. I go back upstairs and get in argument with ww about not contacting my family at this time; throws her for loop & her mom has to come over. Situation was diffused and I left with my son and was gone for 10 hours.

Sunday was superbowl, spend it watching it with her family. I basically talked with her dad the whole time and watched game and ww and her mom were in separate room for most part.

Last night we went over a simple working document i made that outlines a lot of the things that would be in a decree. We agreed on a lot of things, but one that she didnt was physical care, and she said that she will want our son to be with his brother as much as possible. What she meant was that if baby is mine, we'll probably do a 2-2-3 schedule and do joint legal and physical, but if baby isnt mine she will want our son to go to sleep every night in her care, and my visitation will be liberal. I laughed. She got mad. I said if you can't agree to joint legal and physical then i will go to court, because there is nothing i have done for me to not see our son at least 50% of time. We both plan on living in same town that you can literally drive from one end to the other in 10 minutes.

Another point was our home we own together. I said it makes sense for us to sell and we can get equity and move forward. She said she wants to stay. I explained she will have to buy me out. I asked how she plans for afford it, and she said her parents would supplement her income. I laughed.

We continued talking about that main point and she got pretty upset, and i went down to basement.

Once down there i heard her talking; figured out she was talking to her mother. She mis-characterized a few things that we discussed. She also was lying about parents supplementing her income so she can stay in house. She continues to talk for about 45 minutes.

Once off phone i text her that i letterally just heard everything she said. Got no response. Instead she comes downstairs and knocks on my bedroom door. I say no dont come in, she starts going bonkers about me listening in; i would have had to put a pillow over my head to not hear anything..I told her she told some lies and at this point nothing is on the table. Threw her for another loop. She asked how she lied, and i explained the part about the house and her staying, she said her parents told her they would help her for 3 months and then thats it, and she only told me that so she could see how i took it. I said not well especially after finding out now that it was a lie.

I told her to get out about 15 times and to leave me alone the same. All recorded.

Retainer for lawyer seems fair to me at this point to go forward and be completely represented at this point.

I'm done being screwed over.

Director, she is quickly losing it. You're doing the right thing.

She has said repeatedly that divorces cause bad marriages

What exactly does that mean? It makes no sense. It's like saying getting a reckless driving ticket causes bad driving.

Kudos on recording the convo. Record everything; protection mode is critically important right now. She sounds unstable and seems to be accustomed to lying.

Also wanted to repeat that she'll be back with the OM once the divorce is final, if not before. I'd suspect she's told him to lay low until all of this is over; she'll use his child needing a father as her excuse. In the mean-time, she's going to attempt to make you look unreasonable and herself reasonable. Again, protect yourself. But also protect your friendships and family relationships by communicating openly and often about what's going on. Don't leave any room for doubt in anyone's mind.

Remember that your current situation is temporary. If you stay on your current path, there's light at the end of the tunnel. We're talking months, not years; and you can get through this hopefully financially and physically unscathed. Stay calm and don't let her behavior or words direct your feelings. Take care of yourself.

[This message edited by Dismayed2012 at 5:12 PM, February 5th (Tuesday)]

and she said that she will want our son to be with his brother as much as possible.

Entitled much is she? It's her fault if her new son has a different father from your shared son. It's much more important for your son to be with you than his brother of a different father. Dr Phil always says that the same sex parent is the most important role model for a child in the long run. So the more time between you and your son the better. You sound like a great Dad!

[This message edited by whattheh at 5:04 PM, February 5th (Tuesday)]

Her meltdown is going to get a lot worse.

Protect yourself. It will be nuclear when she finally goes off.

I was gonna post something, but I cant add to anything already said. Good luck to you.

[This message edited by Clint at 5:49 PM, February 5th (Tuesday)]