Just got back from IC... Which was really a MC session, but alone.
On my drive home, was a very strange occurrence... The forecast was for clear skies, just a touch of clouds. And that's what I was experiencing, and then it just started raining. No dark clouds, just rain that followed me for like three miles while the skies were blue and the clouds white and puffy. It was like a screenplay that had been written just for me to signify how I was feeling... Everyone else experiencing a beautiful day, but for me, even though I can see the beautiful day with blue sky and while puffy clouds, It was raining. So crazy and strange. Anyway, about the IC session...
The therapist has talked to WW once and me 2x now. This was more of a "get to know me more session" and then the tail end was to figure out how the three of us might meet... Again MC.
I told him I will not meet unless we discuss the affair. I said I cannot live in the dark and her in the light. My bare minimum requirements for meeting are to learn:
1) OM's Full name
2) OM's Occupation
3) When and how they first met
4) How many times they met in person in total
Initially, he said that seems fair except for his name. I got pretty aggressive and said that's a non-starter. He said he was worried I would go after him because of my anger. I said that I'm not stupid and don't want to end up in jail or have my kids hear I was in jail for doing something stupid. So, I promised that I would not seek him out. I reiterated my minimums (or no 3-way meeting) in text after the appointment so there was no room for miscommunication.
He said he would try to work his magic and get us talking and get those things for me. We will see. If that meeting takes place, it is supposed to take place before the weekend. I'm sure I'm going to have to agree to something I don't want, like to talk about our relationship.
He seems like a nice guy. His main (paraphrased) goal is to: have us in a better place down the road (either together or separate) with both of us acting healthy toward each other and our children. That's admirable.
As far as D, I spoke with lawyer, have a path forward for next Monday. We will either have a mediation session on the books by Tuesday morning or her firm will become my lawyer and I will file.
Oh more arguments with WW today - 2x.
First one was dumb, I can't even waste any energy typing out for everyone. The second one was kind of even more cray cray.
I told each boy, that I was making lunch, wanted to know if they wanted that too. They each said yes, I got to work on the grill (making, essentially Q'doba) I make it, call them to the table. We start eating. WW starts slamming things around the house (cabinets, etc) - yes, like a child.
Us boys look at each other... The banging around gets louder and more frequent. The younger one goes to WW and asks her to calm down and relax (yes, a 16 yo, asking his mother to relax)... Meanwhile I'm @ the table with the 18 yo and we look at each other. I said I wish she would quit acting so childish... He says, "I was going to say the exact same thing."
She was venting (and crying) to 16 yo, that "that's how it is. You all have lunch together and I'm not even thought of at all. I'm nothing. No one cares about ME! or something like that. The 16 yo said sorry. What a mind fuck for that poor boy.
Later I went to him and said that he SHOULD NOT feel guilty and should not have apologized because he had nothing to be sorry for. He said, I know. Why didn't you just ask her if she wanted lunch. I said, "Mom is doing nothing to help me better understand her affair, and help me through it. I'm not in a place where I should be the one doing all of the mending and doing. She needs to do for me first because of her choices".
I'm sure I could have been more eloquent and have explained it better, but that's what came out. I will think about how I explain it to him and make an opportunity for us to have a talk.
In the past week, I have been checking with each of my boys seeing if they had any questions, or wanted to talk about anything or if there is anything that they needed to get off their chest with me. I told them that me and their mom are okay discussing those things and to just come to us.
Other than that, I am not trying to control any narrative with them. Just being their dad with dad/kid stuff and trying set the best example I can for them about being a strong person in the face of adversity.
WW, though, keeps trying to make them (well at least the 18 yo) feel bad for her. That I didn't love her and the marriage was bad... so.... excusing her choices. I've had to set the record straight about choices and how that works and how a marriage is SUPPOSED to work and that she violated that commitment. I always tell them that I will give them facts and not try to twist them against their mother. And that is true. But honestly, the facts very well may make them not feel so good about their mother. Not because I say so, but because the facts are not in her favor.
Anyway, just trying to survive day by day here.