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thumos: the therapist never said that it was very normal for a BH to conclude divorce is the right path. What I meant is that my feeling bad about the thoughts of letting her go was normal.

Oh gotcha. Well, still a helpful observation and I can relate to the second observation as well.

I have been approached by 3 women who were sending me clear messages of interest. I felt it was kind of creepy specially that 2 of them know my family and would consider my wife a friend. I played it dumb and pretended I didn’t get their signals. The 3rd lady is interesting, she is a costumer of mine and Showed obvious signs of interest . Can’t deny that I felt something toward her that I always thought I would only have for my wife. I had to pull back and she apologized.

I told you there would be a lot of women out there, and when you are ready one will be there for you.

For the first two, well your STBXWW couldn't see a good thing when she had it, these two women see what your STBXWW was blind to and couldn't appreciate, and they want it. They know you are separated (word gets around fast in female social circles). If she doesn't get it, they don't see a need to hang back. Pretty straightforward.

For the third, I can only assume she can sense a good man with integrity. You and I both know there are a lot of shitheels out there women have put up with. When they see a man with integrity and strength, they want to be around it.

[This message edited by Thumos at 5:22 PM, December 21st (Monday)]

Buster123: I’m so ashamed to say that I have not informed my wife about my decision to divorce her yet. She knows since the beginning that it was a possibility, but she is still hoping that we would reconcile. In fact, it’s only been a week since I came to the conclusion of definitely divorcing and wanted to run it by people I trust first. I told my daughter Friday she was taking by surprise, she didn’t say any but trust me I can read her eyes, and if you followed my story, you would know that my daughter had by far the toughest stand against her mom since DDay but somehow she felt kind of bad about the decision, she later told me that she understood why and would support both of us, today I told my parents , funny that first thing my mother said to me was “ what took you so long?” My dad offered support. I will let her know I’m just still thinking whether to do it face to face when I go back or just by phone

Ok, thanks for answering my question, and of course I've followed your story and know about your daughter's stand against your WW, If I remember correctly she's the one that has a boyfriend that your WW wouldn't approve of or something to that effect and who kind of threw that back on her face after she knew about the A, anyway, I know you will tell her, do it on your own time and however you feel it's best for you (I would do it in person if I was in your shoes), I hope your WW keeps her word that she won't give you a nasty D and that you're able to keep the property to continue your business but I understand you may want to move to VA eventually and that's ok too, hopefully your son will understand your decision and not hold that against you.

I wish you the best of luck and please know we'd like to hear from you so give us an update from time to time when you feel you're ready, and who knows maybe you can help others in the future.

I’m so ashamed to say that I have not informed my wife about my decision to divorce her yet.

Don't feel bad. You don't really owe her any advance warning. Probably the best way to alert her is with divorce papers so she doesn't go into any of her usual shenanigans.

I told my parents , funny that first thing my mother said to me was “ what took you so long?”

I'm like your mom!

Just kidding - making these kinds of decisions, particularly with someone you have spent your entire adult life with is so hard.

Having said that, I just could never see you being able to reconcile with yourself, let alone reconcile with her - if you decided to stay together. (Staying together and reconciling are two very different things.)

***

All in all, I feel proud of you. You handled yourself with grace and class in the face of the exact opposite.

Please take care of yourself. Your wife will need to take care of herself. You really don't owe her anything at this point outside of what is legally decided.

I have been approached by 3 women who were sending me clear messages of interest. I felt it was kind of creepy specially that 2 of them know my family and would consider my wife a friend. I played it dumb and pretended I didn’t get their signals. The 3rd lady is interesting, she is a costumer of mine and Showed obvious signs of interest . Can’t deny that I felt something toward her that I always thought I would only have for my wife. I had to pull back and she apologized.

Look at you playa - you're gonna be just fine!

Take your time, see who is out there, eventually you'll find a woman who is worth a man of your character, and you of hers.

AH, I am so glad you made a decision, it is sometimes the time spent at the crossroads pondering our options that kills us.

Now that you have a clear path you have set your feet upon, I can but wish you Godspeed. This is now no longer just the path you were forced upon, at this junction, you have stepped upon a path of your own choice, it is a juncture from a path you never wished to have set upon to start with, but this path now is a sign of you taking back your power of choice.

Well done! Good Luck!

AHGuy, I'm glad you have decided on your path. I wasn't pro or con, I'm happy for you that you now know what you want.

I hope you enjoy your holidays in FL. You were probably happy to run from the snow in the DMV.

As far as telling your STBXWW, decide what is best for YOU. You have handled the situation with integrity and strength. Do what you think is best for your healing and moving forward. I suspect that it will be difficult for your WW regardless. If your kids already know, maybe you want them to be present to support her? Just a thought. You know the family dynamic best and will make the best decision.

AH having followed your story there's no doubt that you took your time looking at each path and ultimately which was the right one for you.

Glad you've made a decision and able to start moving forward. Nobody likes to be the bearer of bad news. It would behoove you to tell your WW as soon as possible. Once you do you'll feel a huge load being released that you've been carrying for quite awhile.

You should be proud of how you've handled this entire thing. Praying that you and your family find the peace you've been seeking.

Keep us updated when you can.

https://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=650075&HL=74925

[This message edited by Bonrob at 1:43 PM, January 14th (Thursday)]

AHGUY, how are you doing?

AH,

How are you doing sir? I hope you are well and moving out of infidelity.

How are you doing AHG? Have you served your WW with divorce yet?

I recall that you had mentioned being surprised at being approached by women you thought that were your wife's friend. It didn't surprise me as in your first thread you had posted I had said that when her friends find out what a good man she is letting go, don't be surprised if they hit on you.

Are you still working on yourself and waiting for the divorce before you date or you've started seeing other women?