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No interest. I have observed them in progress from a safe distance and the whole thing looks absurdly disorganized. Truly it just looked to me like two of them really wanted to be alone and the third was just trying to get in there somewhere.

This was guy guy girl, which is the only kind of threesome I would care to observe much less participate in. It is something you might do in your twenties but it'd be a thing you would do with folks from the temp agency not anyone you might consider a permanent hire.

[This message edited by ladyvorkosigan at 11:23 AM, March 29th (Tuesday)]

If *both* parties are not 100% into it (i.e. the man or woman is *talking* their partner into it), it's a bad idea. Even if both parties are into it, it can have severe, unintended consequences.

That being said, if it's something that you *both* really want, then I might recommend going to a 'professional,' someone who is less likely to form an emotional attachment and will go away afterwards.

it'd be a thing you would do with folks from the temp agency not anyone you might consider a permanent hire.

Okay leaving out the gender of the third person (that is really irrelevant and depends almost entirely on who has bisexual tendancies or curiousity, although I knew a guy in a band who said he did one with a band member and a groupie, and the rule was the two guys made damn sure not to touch each other) Threesomes do go both ways, and there are even some all girl or all guy threesomes that are happening right now somewhere in the world.

None of us on this site are in the kind of relationship where a threesome can be arranged with guarantees of healthy boundaries. Just like swinging (which comes up from time to time) there is at least one person in the relationship that has proven they do not have the

honesty and trustworthyness to engage in such behaviour.

Personally, I always figured that while a threesome might be a hot fantasy, the logistics end of it bothered me, and I concluded that they sound like a lot more fun than they are.

My favorite threesome scene of all time has to be the one in A Clockwork Orange, set to The William Tell Overture and played back at high speed.

I stayed single till I was 29 because it took me that long to feel I had really gotten all I could out of the temps and was ready to offer someone a contract.

Although I know that it *can* work, I'd advise anyone who asked me against it.

There are just too many variables for it to be a "sure" fun thing for everyone.

1. Whatever secret agenda any one of the three might have.

2. Insuring that neither member of the committed pair become involved with the 3rd on their own.

3. Insuring that the "stranger" stays away/uninvolved after the fact. One could unintentionally let some crazy into your lives. They are certainly out there. If the 3rd is not a "stranger," I think is even riskier as far as keeping proper emotional boundaries.

4. Ensuring that every member is completely happy with the situation and keeping the activities completely consensual in the heat of the moment (as in two people doing something they want together but the third not being happy about it).

I think it's a potential time bomb in so many respects. I wouldn't recommend this for any married couple.

JMO

Two women at the same time seemed like a fun fantasy before dday. I'm not sure why I should fantasize about two guys but, whatever.

Now the whole idea sets off fight or flight. Past the point of not interested and into the gtfo zone.

XWH and I had discussed it previously, both of us thinking it might be fun, but never following through on it.

Current BF and I have also discussed it, but, it was shortly after we met, when we still thought the other one was "from the temp agency". And, since then, it's not really been brough up again. We both again, think it would be fun, but, nothing fun enough to risk losing each other over, because no matter how good YOUR boundaries may be, you don't know what goes on in other people's heads.

And, it's not always 2 girls and a guy...BF said he'd be ok with 2 guys and a girl, but, it wasn't his fantasy. Luckily, it's not something we are goinna have to worry about.

Did it with BFF & boyfriend when I was single - got jealous when he was doing her when I left the room.

Fantasized about it with FWH before the A - a turn on. Post A, in the "numb" stage, actually went to a club with him twice. It wasn't my fantasy - but thought I'd do it cuz he would like it.

First time - stranger couple 4-way in same room @ club. It was a perfect encounter in how it happened (the other guy didn't do it for me but wth) and amazingly I was NOT bothered by it at all. They wanted to get together the next day but I said no. We're not picking up a new habit here.

Second time - @ same club went into couples room (where you are with your partner and can see other couples thru a sheer curtain next to you). A girl who was servicing a guy nearby wanted to service someone else so FWH calls her over and she services him. HaHaHa...nearly scratched the skin off his unit! He did a couple things with her while I watched and that was it. Not a great experience for him

That was enough to put an end to doing it ever again. The fantasy of it is so much better than the reality. And I fulfilled his fantasy by going with it in the first place (points for me to be used @ a future date...).

But if I had one word of advice: anonymous, NO contact information on the other person (no phone #, no email, maybe no real name), and both people have to be 100% agreed and boundaries first.

First there are two kinds of threesomes....the cool kind and the yucky kind...

Cool kind = one man + two women

Yucky kind = Two men + one woman

Either way there just seems to be an imbalance in the math.....

I think I would just end up getting dizzy with the cool kind....

And we ain't gonna even talk about the yucky kind.....

Threesomes ain't for me....

Wrong. Cool kind is 2 guys 1 girl. Too much vagina otherwise.

I think anything involving another person while in R is crazy. You need trust. You need real boundaries.

I admit I am tempted.

As part of our original R, one condition I had was fww have a candid conversation with me about sex. We compared fantasies, and her #1 and #2 were on my top ten (and yes, like all red blooded men, the fmf fantasy was at my top). Well, it turned out hers were mfm and a variation. Those were in my list too, provided swords didn't cross.

Several years later, part of me wants to try. I hate the way the A hurt my confidence, and knowing I could fulfill a fantasy of hers, and have wilder and crazier sex than the A appeals to me. I know I shouldn't try to compete, but this idea did help me get past the horrors of betrayal. I KNOW I can be her wildest experience, and reclaiming that would take away alt of the remaining sting.

So not sure what to do. It would be playing with fire. But when we are old and gray, and a twinkle comes in her eye, I would hope it would be a memory involving me, and not OM.

And no, there is no desire for men, lol.

Okay, most of us are on this board because our WS had sex with someone else. Why on earth would we condone a threesome where our WS gets to have sex with someone else?

This is totally my own opinion so take it for what it is worth - I am always a bit surprised when a BS who has willingly participated in threesomes, swinging, wife swapping with their WS and then is surprised when WS has an affair. I feel that as soon as sex is not something exclusive between partners, you are asking for trouble. I understand that consenting adults get to do whatever they want to do but I don't understand why they don't see the possible consequences.

Maybe I'm just too old for this thread...

I think threesomes, even consensual ones, are Bad Idea Jeans for actual couples in actual relationships. I considered never again having to have sex with a new person to be a feature of marriage, not a bug.

They are fine for singletons who are just experimenting, though.

Jmo

FWH and I had "jokingly" talked about this in the past. He's well aware that I find women sexually attractive, and of COURSE that's a turn-on for him.

After the A, when we were in panic-transparancy mode, he confessed to having an encounter with another guy in High School, and that he thought about it from time to time. Not a closet case, just open to the idea of same-gender relations. It was a huge turning point in our relationship, because he was so ashamed of those feelings, but it made me feel closer to him.

So now we've gone back to "jokingly" talking about threesomes, and although the idea of him touching another woman triggers my PTSD, he talks about these hypothetical encounters as a watcher instead of participant.

I have to admit, I've always wanted to try things out with a woman, and if we cuffed FWH to a chair so all he could do was sit there, that might not be the worst thing in the world. And two men helping me out with things... hmmmmm.

This might take care of my revenge urges. Or obliterate the last fragments clinging together of our once honest marriage. Le sigh......

Not into it, not interested. I think it is an activity best suited for single individuals and not couples in a committed relationship.

The best sex organ is between your ears, not your legs. Fantasies for me are just that. Something to spice things up a little.

I talk a big talk between the sheets with WH...but IRL I've been in two situations, long ago, with girlfriends and got the hell out of dodge. There is no amount of alcohol that can make it ok for me.

I don't judge them for their choices. One friend told me all about her exploits when I asked. She was pretty adventerous but said ultimately three is a crowd.

That being said, I have never had a threesome fantasy with another woman. But MMF sounds like a good FANTASY.

mmf, mff...both HOT

But not if you are in a relationship that you want to last.

DH and I are convinced that the other couple was trying for this.

Gardenmom- that's how it was with xOW1 and her BH. I even hate calling him a BH because he was complicit in urging the contact that led to the A. Apparently it was brought up to MrH, who shut the BH down. That's when xOW1 went on her own and began the campaign to drive a wedge between us. After the A came to light, the BH began calling me. And, something that still really hurts, MrH mentioned a few times that I should go 'talk to him' as he 'knew what I was going through' and might provide 'comfort'.

I don't know many people who had threesomes while they were in a committed relationship, but the ones I do know of, their relationship tanked. One M is still intact but they've had to work hard and agree that it was a mistake. Fantasies should remain fantasies.

I am WAY too jealous to even think of a threesome. Don't want to SEE WH touching, kissing, someone else. And I highly doubt WH would feel comfortable seeing me with another man.

I have observed them in progress from a safe distance and the whole thing looks absurdly disorganized.