SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

WH told his niece, they were best friends growing up as they are very close in age,

and I told my BFF. No one else as I need to protect my children from this craziness.

Wow! Such vast differences! It's helped me to see I'm not alone though.

So help me. If we have another D-day... I am NOT being as forgiving. And his family WILL find out.

1B2S

So help me. If we have another D-day... I am NOT being as forgiving. And his family WILL find out.

I'm with you on that! I haven't told anyone because these A's happened 5+ years ago but if anything ever happens again I'm burning that sh!t to the ground. I will tell anyone and everyone. I will use his fb page to let everyone know. And he knows this. When I first hijacked his fb page he figured that was what I was going to do with it!

I told mc, ic, my mom & his mom. Idk why it is so hard 😔.. I know people say its not my shame to carry, it should be his... But i still feel uneasy about others knowing my business & possibly passing judgement

I told my Mom and I don't regret it... My fWW told her IC and 1 close friend. I just found out this weekend that the OM must have been bragging because everyone knows...

I have only told the wonderful people of SI! Although I can't get real hugs from them, the encouragement and painfully experienced advice have been worth 1000 times what I could have gotten from the hugs.

Not that I don't like hugs but I have 3 great kids who haven't minded the fact that I have been more cuddly than usual of late. They don't need to know why.

Yes, sometimes I feel like I've let my WW off too easy. Fleetingly, I wish I had kicked her out of the house and told our very conservative world that my wife with no previous lesbian experience cheated on me with a woman recently released from jail. But then I think of how that would impact those great kids of mine and I snap back to reality.

So, as long as my wife is dedicated to R and monogamy, SI knows and MC knows. If she cheats again we'll be done and when the world comes asking why, I doubt that I'll be able to hide the truth for long, even if I wanted to.

[This message edited by exhaustedHeart at 2:16 PM, August 21st (Tuesday)]

I haven't told anyone.. what would I say? My husband of 22 years.. everyone's friend. surfer.. golfer.. real guys, guy.. is a cross dresser who gets off meeting other men from ads on craigslist. Or couples.. or other women.. Or whatever stray happens to come along. Course right now I have no proof of any of that.. and he has denied it in the past.. but I know.. in my heart.. it's true.. I am still working on the proof I need to help me make a decision and end my paralysis.. but in the meantime - it's just bottled up inside.. because I don't want anyone to judge him.. or hate him.. or judge me. I don't want our 20 year old daughter to find out.. I feel like I am living a shameful secret when really it's his shame.. :-(

The parts I don't know to be true, for sure, are the f2f meetings.. all the cyber, cross dressing, etc.. I know those are true.

[This message edited by beachgirl65 at 3:30 PM, August 21st (Tuesday)]

I told no one. On the one hand it makes it easier since no one knows yet it is also harder because there is no one to talk about it with. It makes you feel all alone.

this is my story too. that's why i'm so thankful i've found SI. no one in my RL would understand my choice to attempt R with him.

Everyone. I stopped at renting billboard space, but I considered that too.

Before I ever confronted him and OW, his sister, his aunt, my aunt, my dad, my doctor, my doctor's nurse (who gave me the best advice of anyone), and my other two best friends all knew what I knew going into confrontation. Oh, and my neighbor bc I needed someone to watch my kids overnight while I flew to the town he was working in for confrontation.

After D Day, I told anyone and everyone and then some. Everyone at my kids' school knows, the parents on their sports teams, neighbors, relatives, friends, etc etc etc. I'm not a private person by nature anyway, D Day was a breaking point for me for other reasons that my marriage falling apart, and I was honestly just a wreck. There was no hiding it.

I think somewhere in the back of my mind, I knew that by telling everyone, I would have a REALLY hard time actually staying with him. I don't think I ever had any real confidence we would make it through it anyway, and he busted through every boundary I put in place in short order.

At almost 2.5 yrs after D day, 2 years post-divorce, and ex showing up at all of the kids' stuff with her, I'm glad everyone knows. I mean, I hate it, but everyone thinks he's lost his mind and wonders WTF she's thinking showing up like she belongs anywhere near my kids.

My d-day was less than 5 weeks from our wedding (that was never to be). I sent a letter to everyone on our list canceling the wedding with a rather nasty text along the lines of “XGF might still be getting married – she seems fully capable of finding lovers – but Bigger definitely won’t be there”.

Although it gave me some kick at the time then in retrospect this is possibly the single biggest thing I regret in my behavior after d-day. Not that I fear or regret exposure – I never hid the reason we broke up – but exposure needs to be done in a morally and ethically clean way.

I haven't told anyone other than the MC. I am not sure what I am going to do and if I decide to stay and work it out I will be too ashamed if people know. They will also treat my WS differently which will make R difficult. Telling no one has been difficult and lonely but I am not sorry. Until I decide I cannot bring anyone else into my situation.

I told a lot of peeps...

My two best friends, bff's hubby, my circle of friends, my parents, my brother, my sons teacher (my son started having panic attacks right after d-day).... even the checkout woman at the grocery store (I had been crying, she asked me if I was okay, I replied "no, I am not okay... my husband has been having an emotional affair and is in luuuuuurve with her". I am pretty sure she was just expecting a "I'm fine, thanks")...

However, I didn't have to tell my fwh's family... he did it before d-day because he thought they would be happy he was so in luuuuuurrrrve.

I told my boss because she is a friend who can relate AND because I needed some time off of work to deal.

I told my best guy friend and one of my best girlfriends. I am no longer friends with her, she took my XWH's side for some strange reason, bitch.

I didn't tell anyone else really until I decided to leave him.

Only told a few people at first. Now that she has given up on R....I am going to tell the world! Spiteful yes...but I am sick of her playing the victim.

I told everyone, and received more support and love from my family, friends, and even acquaintances than I thought possible.

When I called to change my name on my professional license, I told the lady answering the phone, and we talked for 15 minutes about her life (she went through the same thing -- left him and is now ridiculously happy.) So I am not kidding when I say I told everyone :)

Now that I've basically detached, I no longer feel the need to tell strangers, and everyone who knows me already knows.

I am glad that I told everyone, because it helped to keep me strong when he was begging me to R, but I knew intellectually that it would be a bad decision for me to do so.

Update...

Haha. I just remembered. I told my doctor when I made the appointment to get a prescription to have STD testing done! It felt good. Actually, it was kind of cleansing (so to speak) ;-)

[This message edited by exhaustedHeart at 12:48 AM, August 22nd (Wednesday)]

I told so many people that I actually had two journalist contact me recently ( I'm thinking about it!!) and twelve weeks on I'm still talking

In the deepest parts of the Amazonian rainforest, there exist still to this day primitive tribes, hitherto untouched by western man or civilization. they know not of electricity or the internet. Cars would seem as magic, and planes as sorcery. they would believe a mobile phone contains a demon, and do not believe that anything exists outside the forest. Yet, if one were to say "did you hear about Oktbermest having an affair with one of LonelyHusband's mates" they'd almost certainly retort "Oh yeah, old news".

I told everyone. Everyone. Everyone I thought might influence my fWS. Everyone I thought could apply pressure. Everyone who would bully the OM into backing off. Everyone who would continue to expose the affair. Everyone that would offer me support or guidance when I was suicidal. Everyone who would verbally slap my wife around the head and tell her to sort her marriage out. Her Family. My Family. My friends. Her Friends. Some bloke I met in the pub called Bernard. Everyone.

With the exception of a few old colleagues of mine, who might have just put the OM through a wood chipper. I thought it best to leave them out of it.

In retrospect, I'm glad I did it. I left no-one for her to turn to that would support her in her affair. Cold reality crashed in wherever she looked.

[This message edited by LonelyHusband at 8:16 AM, August 22nd (Wednesday)]

i told my sister (against my better judgement) after dday 2 as WH and i needed to be sure she would be able to help out with care of our son while we "worked" on things...

i should never have done that. she said horrible things about WH that i can't forget. we haven't spoken in over 3 months now.

so, in addition to my marriage going to sh!t, my sister and i are on the outs.

i'm so very sad.

so, in addition to my marriage going to sh!t, my sister and i are on the outs.

Affairs often cause rifts in families. Prioritise your own healing, the family bit can come later.