SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

another poster said it was fun to read about.

it was me and I should have been more specific. I was referring to Rebreather trying to run over a Blackberry and it didn't work.

Violence is never, ever ok or acceptable. Neither is any affair.

I know my husband would rather I smacked him then had a RA on him. He told me this. And I would have rather he smacked me than have two RA. Just sayin...

[This message edited by rachelc at 4:29 PM, August 29th (Thursday)]

Called his OW a whore. Called him a freak. Called him a lot of names actually. Told him he has become one of those weirdos he always made fun of.

Said I hated him.

Said the last 20 years were a waste.

Told him eff you.

I don't feel good about any of it. Its out of character for me. Though I still feel his actions were worse than any of my words, I still regret going to that place, and wish I had stayed silent and just walked away.

I punched FWH in the face when I found out he told MOW he loved her. I then spent the next 3 months wishing I would just die. I never thought that amount of pain was possible. my Mom and MIL had to come and take care of me and the kids.

Do I regret punching him? No. He murdered me that day. I wish I had been able to take the high road that night, but I didn't. In my heart of hearts, I hope MOW's BH punched her in the face too. I am not going to judge anyone, male or female, about the rage and pain felt at discovery. I've been there, in the dark.

Now would I do it again? No. Not only have I been thru IC, MC, and medication out the wazoo, it wouldn't be the complete destruction of my life like it was then. I'm not bragging, I don't think of it as a proud moment, to me it was the moment I died inside but my body wouldn't let me go. I just reacted to the pain he had inflicted on me.

The day after I found out I cleansed my house of everything that was anything to do with him and dumped it all on his front lawn at his apartment. Clothes, gifts from him, crockery, suitcases, all his tools. Some of it I dumped there in the middle of the night, and there were so many loads I did about eight trips, took me hours (he was storing a lot of large things from his previous marital home in my garage).

His little dining table wouldn't fit in the boot of my car so I broke the legs off. My last trip to his house, he came out of his door and tried to talk to me. I emptied the boot, onto his lawn, walked slowly and elegantly each time and let each item fall from my hands and kept my nose in the air.

Then I took out the table top and the broken legs and tossed them over his front fence, and dropped his key to my house at his feet. Walked away, turned back to see the shock on his face, looked down my nose and drove away. Didn't speak a word.

I flew into a rage. to this day have no idea where it came from as I have never hit anyone in my life and have never thrown anything at anyone.

I am only 5 ft tall and WH is over 6 foot. I hit him so hard that I landed myself in urgent care the next morning because we thought my hands were broken. The bones ended up being severely bruised. It was very hard to lie to the intake person who we knew from church. Had we told the truth, I would have been arrested.

At one point in my rage, WH said something to the effect of "I wasn't in my right mind" to which I responded " you want to see not in my right mind..." And I took his long handled wash thing for the truck and started bashing his classic car.

I also threw his cell phone across the room after I told his friend I was talking to that he fucked a whore.

I threw our wedding picture across our bedroom and the glass shattered.

Needless to say it was a very dramatic and emotional night. I'm so thankful my kids slept through the entire thing.

My STBH was already out of the house when I learned the full extent of the A. I wish I could have yelled at him in person! Even a slap or two across his ugly, wrinkled face!

Instead, I let my friend in law enforcement tag his plates so whenever a police cruiser comes across him, it just follows him around. Total mindf**k.

I am not a violent person. I have never hit anyone in my life. I rarely lose my temper. When I do, I try to control it. However...

On DD1, all I could do was sit on the sofa and ask him questions. Then I started to get angry. I shouted and screamed and hurled abuse at him. I sent OWs #4 and #11 rancid texts. (He told #4 how 'mortified' he was on reading the texts that I had sent her after SHE called HIM to complain about ME! You can imagine how well THAT went down...) I sent emails to one 'friend' who knew about the affairs and did nothing about it... I sent an email to #11 telling her that she had infected my WS who then infected me. She denied it of course. She believed that she deserved 'no slander from his wife and that she was "better than that."') Why are these people always so deluded?

One Sunday night while during TT and he was on his computer and whistling and tapping along to music and making phone calls and filing mail, I finally had it. I walked into our office and hit him around the back and shoulders and pummelled him and punched him. I avoided his face and neck. He just sat there and took it. I have never seen anyone in my family act violently, nor has he in his family - especially towards another human being. We NEVER hit our children...

On DD2, when I found out about the other women, I slammed into the shelves that house thousands of his CDs and records and hurled them to the floor where I jumped on them and took a hammer to them. They have been his most prized possessions. I don't know how many I destroyed. I was beyond anger. I was incensed that he should continue to lie to me after we had had weeks of MC. When he came home he told me that he had envisaged that I would do this. No anger towards me. No surprise. Just acceptance.

I still have bouts of anger. Nothing violent. Just seething rage and rage at myself for being so dense not to have realised what had been happening.

Now we talk about it and, even, laugh at it.

Just thinking about it makes me want to go and have a cigarette - I had given up for years.

When I do, I try to control it.

You did control it. You avoided his face and neck. I don't know why the phrase, "I have never done this before" keeps being used like it means something. No one pissed you off to this level before. Now someone did and your response was violent.

I can just imagine if someone posted in wayward, I never cheated before in my life (true statement for many) and haven't since. We now laugh about it. I still have moments I want to fuck that guy/girl but mostly just keep that to myself.

I think men get a huge bad wrap for this shit. There was a Harvard study done back in 2007 that found women were more likely to be violent than men.

The gentle snowflake is a myth. We can hold our own quite nicely when it comes to both adultery and violence. Guess we've truly arrived.

I never got violent and held things in for 10 months. Then the anger hit me when I found out her AP's wife was in labor and she knew it. I slapped the online birth announcement on her desk and let it fly. I've never raised my voice at her. But I yelled at her... "You must have some real fucked up self esteem problems to do this to this woman...and I hope you're getting some serious professional help because I have our son to think about!" I then laid it on her that I already called and told his wife everything.

It wasn't the proudest moment of my life when I look back. But it's probably what needed to happen. Especially when she looked at me the whole time with a blank expression on her face...zero emotion.

I took out my anger on MOW, not him. I don't regret it one little bit. I just regret not taking it out on him also.

The morning after dday, when I had spent a sleepless night thinking about everything including how she had craftily befriended all of my children and made them think she was this cool, nice lady who worked for daddy, who took them out and bought them presents.

I marched into the office and and asked her what kind of a mother would risk her family for weekly f¥%k a married man? Then after I punched her in the face, told her that if she didn't want to totally destroy her family like she had destroyed mine, she had better resign today and get the hell out.

She did.

And I am NOT a violent person in any way.

[This message edited by FightingBack at 10:16 AM, August 30th (Friday)]

I said some terrible things - they were true but I said them to hurt him.

I also bought 3 bottles of her cheap smelling perfume and tipped them through his car (it had been the "love nest" - cheap huh?). Then I told him he had to get rid of it - every time I would look at it in the driveway I would want to vomit. The stench in the car from the perfume was disgusting. It was so strong that every time he came into the room after driving the car you would smell it. The kids asked him not to use so much air freshener as it was making them feel sick.

I told WH he made my skin crawl. At the time it was completely true.

Other than that I went on a month long drunk. Not sure if that was more out of anger or sadness, but it worried my family terribly and I feel really bad about that.

When I found out that he had taken his A underground I went into a rage and threw his very expensive watch winder with his entire collection of watches (his other addiction) and dented the wall, broke the watch winder and damaged some of the contents. Not a proud moment.

for those of us who have done things we couldn't dream ourselves ever doing, I wonder where this comes from? Mine was primal. I can tell you for sure I didn't think before I acted.... although I should have.

Explain this to me, how is this not wayward thinking?

I am not a violent person

However...

I walked into our office and hit him around the back and shoulders and pummelled him and punched him.

and

Then after I punched her in the face

And I am NOT a violent person in any way

Does anyone else see the discrepancy here???

When we allow someone else's actions to determine our own, especially when we are in pain, there is a problem. If we can't see that then there is a bigger problem.

Is it possible that these women were violent not because of a sense of entitlement but because they believe that in a physical confrontation they can hurt their husbands, but are in no danger of causing serious injury?

[This message edited by quoththeraven1 at 2:11 PM, August 30th (Friday)]

I don't know why the phrase, "I have never done this before" keeps being used like it means something.

Because it does mean something. I did not react in a "violent" way for DDay 1. Of course I was shocked and angry but there was no hitting or throwing things, no spewing hateful words.

DDay 2 was a totally different ball game. My rage literally came from no where.

I think for those of us who are not prone to outbursts or who have never had a physical altercation with someone, the reaction and lack of ability to think it through or control it is absolutely shocking.

In the legal world it is called crime of passion or temporary insanity.

I

n the legal world it is called crime of passion or temporary insanity.

Actually, I believe they call it assault and battery.

Is it possible that these women were violent not because of a sense of entitlement but because they believe that in a physical confrontation they can hurt their husbands, but are in no danger of causing serious injury?

Wait, isn't that the basic definition of entitlement? I'm entitled to do something to someone else either because I was hurt, wanted to, angry, it's Tuesday?

I love how we hit the mantra of bondaries and owning our shit in wayward until that horse has become meat. Boundries, coping skills, healthy thought processess aren't tested when things are going rosy and it's all mai tai's and yahtzee. It's when the wheels come off and push us to the limit. That's when you need them.

If one is fine with giving themselves permission for doing things they wouldn't normally do or consider right then being hurt and pissed when someone else does shit their credibility is damaged at best.

I'm fine with retaliation. I've done it. Have no problem with it at all. Also not seeking support for my ex's treatment of me or laying my choices at his feet. Did my ex get what he "deserved"? Oh, I still have unused credit in that department. He ran up quite a tab. Just destroyed me in how I chose to send that bill.

Actually, I believe they call it assault and battery.

And you do time. So there's that.

I think for those of us who are not prone to outbursts or who have never had a physical altercation with someone, the reaction and lack of ability to think it through or control it is absolutely shocking.

Substitute cheating for physical altercation and I've read word for word that exact statement in wayward. Want to know how many BS's responded?

So, not interested in justification. If "you're" ok with it than no need for discussion. If you're not, now you know that there are parts of you that need to be looked at and when those beauties present. Valuable information. You can work with that.

Isn't that what it's all about anyway? Not, oh yeah??? Well, she/he did xyz...so there.

Is it possible that these women were violent not because of a sense of entitlement but because they believe that in a physical confrontation they can hurt their husbands, but are in no danger of causing serious injury?

Does that make it any more acceptable or excusable?

Physical abuse is a crime. Launching things at people's heads is assault. Punching people is assault. Shoving people into walls is assault. Doesn't matter if the abuser is 100 pounds, 1,000 pounds, male, or female.

People can and do die from assault and battery. How many people murder "just once"? I'm sure they "only did it once and would never do it again". Doesn't make it right.

I think for those of us who are not prone to outbursts or who have never had a physical altercation with someone, the reaction and lack of ability to think it through or control it is absolutely shocking.

That totally doesn't fly. If it did, there would be far fewer reconciliations because the WS would totally be getting off the hook for their behavior. How many of us WS have numbed ourselves into oblivion? Yet we are still held accountable for our actions.

All I'm saying is, if you did it, own it, look at your behaviors, figure out why you did it (without justifications) and correct those behaviors.

I respect JanaGreen. And I hope she doesn't hate me for mentioning her. She punched her husband and actually looked internally. She recognized the wayward thought processes she had. And yes, BSs can have wayward thought processes! She completely owns that. I respect her greatly for working on herself thru this whole painful process. She figured out why she did it, she didn't blame her husband. He didn't pick her arm up and push it into him. Was she incredibly hurt from his betrayal? Yes. She made the choice to punch him as opposed to a tree in the backyard. She owns that.

Freakin' A. This whole thing just sucks. I hate seeing hurting people try to muddle thru this crap.