SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

SEE, PORN KILLS LOVE

It certainly has in my house...why I'm on SI right now and ws in bed...alone. He already took care of biz with pornhub and a 30 min "shower". Oh yea I guess I always have the arm of the sofa..thanks Leopold...

[This message edited by Ostrich80 at 3:14 AM, November 24th (Sunday)]

I take issue with the proposition that signing up for dating and hookup sites is normal for married men. I've never done it, and I'm a man.

I don't think I'd ever signup for a hookup site ... I value my sexual health too much. If I were single, I could see myself signing up for a dating site, but I'm still married and expect to be married to this W for a long time to come.

IMO, a guy who chooses pictures over a live partner has a real problem, whether it's called infidelity or not, and asking him to get that problem solved is the best thing to do, if you want to save the M. No matter what, preferring pictures to one's partner is cheating the partnership, IMO.

I agree that porn does kill love and intimacy. And @ sisoon, you have renewed my faith. I think your comment was fantastic. I also asked my H why, when he had a wife at home to play with, he would turn to self gratification. His response the next morning was that it was because of insecurity. He said that he was never confident in his physical appearance, but as he grew to become a man, what other males admired about him was that he was smooth and sucessful on the dating scene. I don't understand how all of that ties into our situation though.

Anyhow, things are a bit rough right now. A few days ago, I was thinking about the way things were and I asked him why again. He got very angry and it turned into an argument. He wanted to know why Iwas still dwelling, he thought we were past the issue. I tried to explain that I am still processing things, and that taking some time apart would have been better for me. We've even been intimate, as if nothing was wrong and after both times, I've silently cried.

He went to a relatives house who lives near us, and thinking that I had talked to her about the situation, he gave his side of the story. She told him about my mother, who had severe emotional issues and that it was genetic... So now he thinks because I went fishing when everything was going great, and found porn and his profile, and am having a hard time loving him right now, that I must be sick. I am tired and minus our kids regretting a lot of things. I didn't do anything unfaithful yet it feels that everything is being blamed on me.

He's turning things around on you - don't buy into it, that is not remorse.

You can play the 'turnaround game' too.

'Turn around' - into you.

His issue is his issue - it is his to own. Asking why, etc. involves you, in (at least) the search for healing answers.

What is your issue?

Boundaries.

Fine. If it's a boundary - stick to it. You're turning "in" to becoming stronger within yourself.

That's a good thing.

He already knows how you feel & keeps doing it. That = disrespect.

Do your boundaries allow you to tolerate open disrespect like that? (You're working on "NO!")

Another thing.

He's being childish with his anger. Arrested development. What is he, 14?

This is an excellent take on what true remorse really looks like:

http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=324250&HL=25460

I found out my now-x was spanking the monkey all day long once we got high speed internet. Keylogged and outed him, and when he was sitting on the couch in tears at being busted, I asked him "Is there anything else you want to tell me? Now would be a good time."

That was a few years before DDay. He didn't tell me anything except that he'd been having a hard time getting it up and thought it might help.

Found out later on that the ED was due to the guilt of having a veritable platoon of sick ugly freakazoid females on the road who gave him all the porn sex he could handle and then some.

After seeing his online history I felt sick to my stomach at the titles of what he was into.

It escalated to anal gang-banging and forceful fellatio with many men on one woman, body fluids galore, which is sexual violence in my book. You can't tell me that's not harmful to the viewer over time.

It's not just boobies anymore. LITTLE BOYS can get this stuff on their parents' PHONE.

It makes me very thankful I never had kids because this is not any kind of world I'd want to have to explain to them.

And I think it was Brave New World, not 1984, and yes it's all coming true.

Sick freaks everywhere.

[This message edited by FaithFool at 5:59 PM, November 24th (Sunday)]

Making a profile and signing up on a dating site is not normal "man behavior"

Big difference between occasionally looking at a Playboy mag and actively looking for live in person NSA sex..

What somanyyears said is balm for my soul and validates the way I feel about the kind of porn that my WH is into..

SMY describes exactly my dilemma of having felt used.. After D -day with WH's lack of remorse in the aftermath, I tried to kick him out..

WH refused to leave the house so I am in an in-house separation until I am comfortable that I have my legal/financial ducks in a row to file for D...

I refuse to live up to a perverts expectations/preferences just to salvage an M that was highly un balanced..I was the giver, WH the taker...

I am a highly sensual person..Before marrying my WH, if I was with a person who was also sensual and cared about my feelings, then WOW the sparks flew..

Just before D Day, my WH's expectations, especially in the boudoir made me exhausted and resentful..

I think I have a healthy sexuality but I don't hump couches or tables...Sounds like a good way to throw ones back out..Anywho, I prefer a live man who can hump me back, lol

I was devastated but relieved at the same time when I found out about WH's A and the on line dating sites.. This was my ticket out of the marriage without being subjected to the crap that your relatives and WH are putting you through..

Do not feel like you are to blame for anything or that you are neurotic, nuts or sick in the way you are handling this matter..

I don't mean to insult your and your WH's collective family members, but they are just "plain ignorant" about these kind of issues and don't seem to be of any help..

The bottom line is the disrespect that he is showing for your feelings..

Time to focus on yourself and not make your WH's needs take any priority in your day to day plans..

[This message edited by doggiediva at 8:11 PM, November 24th (Sunday)]

You can Google "hidden cam videos of amateur housewives humping kitchen counters". It goes a long way to explaining the popularity of granite counter tops. Apparently formica just doesn't cut it anymore.

The good news is the bannister on the staircase is finally getting a rest. So there's that.

It is so rare that I respond to crap like this, but here goes...

WTF is an Amateur Housewife??

And why is there a camera pointed at the countertop??

All kinds of sick things to feed sick minds can be found on the internet. It doesn't mean any of it is common.

Posting as a member

What's your point Leopold? We have hurting people asking honest questions here. I don't get what you're trying to say.

..I have no words for that post... so I'll just use the emoticons!!!

..

smy

I've been following this thread and I just have to ask...Have I missed something??? Is LeopoldB a troll??

Wifehad5, I was gonna ask the same thing..

Again, SMY expressed exactly what I was thinking..

So now he thinks because I went fishing when everything was going great, and found porn and his profile, and am having a hard time loving him right now, that I must be sick.

Everything was NOT going great. That was the illusion he created. As long as you didn't know the truth, things appeared to be "great".

You went fishing because your gut wasn't buying that lie. Your discovery is confirmation that YOU can and should trust that little voice inside of you. Trust yourself....not the words of well meaning friends and relatives.

He is looking for people to support his justifications and minimizations, because his deception has been uncovered. He probably does not want to give this habit just yet, and I'll bet that your discovery is inconvenient.

He hid his activities so he could do as he pleased without any regard for your feelings, and he is continuing to justify this behavior by gathering support from others. If everyone else is on "his side" he can convince you that you are "overreacting". This way all the fall out from his actions, become your fault. I hope you can see that none of this, is your fault.

You are not sick, his behavior is.

Quick T/J

You can Google "hidden cam videos of amateur housewives humping kitchen counters".

Of all the threads, is this really the best place to share these kinds of statements?

Normally I am a fan of humor, but....Dude, it would be wise to think about delivery, timing, and audience.

"PORN KILLS LOVE" i'm a get that on a motivational poster and hang in WH's office over the computer. It certainly helped him forget about love.

WTF is an Amateur Housewife??

After reading this whole thread, I realized that I am doing the same things. watch porn and go on dating sites just for kicks. Although I'm not married, i am in a committed relationship and i don't think I'm cheating. I'm a little confuse about everyone's reaction.

[This message edited by SaturnGreed at 9:13 PM, December 11th (Wednesday)]

go on dating sites just for kicks. Although im not married, i am in a committed relationship

i dont think im cheating

I think everyone on this site, BS and WS alike, would say that going on dating sites when you are in a "committed relationship" is cheating. Just sayin'.

After reading this whole thread, I realized that I am doing the same things. watch porn and go on dating sites just for kicks. Although im not married, i am in a committed relationship and i dont think im cheating. Im a little confuse about everyones reaction.

Participating in a dating site without the knowledge and consent of your SO while in a committed relationship is cheating. If you are honestly confused about that then I don't really know what to say.

eta:

If you're trolling profiles to jack off to, then that's just fucking creepy.

[This message edited by StillGoing at 11:48 PM, December 6th (Friday)]