You guys are so amazing. I just cannot believe how much positive energy you sent out in the universe for a total stranger. After years of being in an isolating and lonely marriage-- it's a good feeling.
Thank you.
Now let's get done to business, shall we? 
(pour yourself a glass of wine or crack open a beer!)
So I go meet with my L before the 4 way. I cannot stress enough how important it is to feel comfortable with your L and feel like that person is working for YOU and giving you good advice. I told her that I don't want to fight over this visitation weekend because that's the fight that ex-shat wants and quite frankly I am DONE with his stupid ass drama. So, I told her that since I have the summer off, basically every day is a weekend for me and I would let ex-shat have Teslet through Sunday night if I could have Teslet Monday and Tuesday night...if not, then I expected to pick him up tonight. I figured, if he wanted to act like a dick, he can do it in front of a couple of other people instead of just being shitty to me in a text.
Ex-shat's L is a block away from my L (yay for not money spent on travel time!) I know one of the partners at this practice. I'm friends with his wife and the three of us have been on training runs together. While we were waiting in the lobby, he comes out of his office and talks to us...said he was sorry to have to see me here under the circumstances. I felt really good about that.
So we go into the conference room...ex-shat and I aren't in the same room yet...but the lawyers go somewhere to hash out some details. My L comes back and goes over what they talked about...I'm fairly happy with what's being said...but you never know what's really going to happen.
Ex-shat and his lawyer come into the room. I should mention that I'm dressed professionally...that's always been a big deal to me to dress the part I want in life:) Ex-shat, on the other hand is in jeans and a t-shirt and has a baseball cap on and pulled down nearly over his eyes!! He carries in a notepad and takes notes throughout the process. 
First we tackle this weekend. My L starts out by saying that I have ABSOLUTELY every right to this weekend and he cannot deny me my time. However, she says, Tesla has graciously offered to have her weekend time on Monday and Tuesday night because she understands how much camping means to Teslet. Are you okay with that, she asks.
And ex-shat has no choice but to say yes or look like a piece of shit. So he says yes! Next my lawyer says, "What time do you go to work Monday morning?" He says that he leaves for work at 3:30 a.m. "Oh," says lawyer, "so it would work well for Tesla to pick up Teslet in the morning after he wakes up." Ex-shat agrees! So I'll get him for 12 extra hours. 
And ex-shat didn't bring up any fucking bullshit about his wife should be able to watch him while he's at work.
WIN.
Next item...insurance coverage. This one I am going to have to compromise a bit on...but the important part is that there is going to be an automatic penalty attached to him not informing me of status changes as well as an automatic increase in CS should I have to put Teslet on my insurance.
Next item...income amount and reason for termination. Amusing side note that did not come up at the fourway...ex-shat told his L yesterday that I broke into the house and stole documents...I'm assuming the papers that 'prove' he left his last employer of his own free will. 
When my L told me that before the 4way, she rolled her eyes and said it was ridiculous and we weren't even going to listen to that crap...because...and now we are back in the 4 way mtg...she tells ex-shat she has submitted the subpoena to his employer for those records.
**Squee**
Seriously, I was squee-ing in my head and doing a little happy dance when she said that. Now, ex-shat finally has something to say: "Oh, well, hopefully you can get something because I've been trying for months." 
And he continues, "You'll want to subpoena my union's records regarding that as well, they'll have a more complete description of what happened."
And how I managed not to let my eyeballs roll out of my head, across the table, and onto the floor...I have no idea.
My lawyer nodded her head, wrote down his union number and moved on. She said, ever so sweetly, "We want to make sure the income number is fair and reflects what's actually happening. We don't want to have to guess. But it will be essential that going forward, CS is calculated yearly based on yours and Tesla's tax return that way we make sure we capture what both of you are making so Teslet gets appropriate financial support." Oh yes, ex-shat nods his head solemnly at this.
Next item: My half of the 2012 tax refund.
And this is where my lawyer was worth every motherfucking dime I fronted for her.
My lawyer looks straight at ex-shat and says, "now we need to discuss this tax refund. What is concerning is that you've had access to two tax refunds and have not paid. You are in contempt of court and have not paid. You haven't responded to any of my correspondence regarding this. Tesla has every right to petition the court to incarcerate you and given how you have reacted to the contempt finding, a court would absolutely have thrown you in jail. But Tesla has not asked for this (hee-hee...see what she's doing there?? playing good client-bad lawyer 
) She would just like her money. Do you have $XXXX to pay her?"
"No," says the douchebag.
"In that case, we may be able to structure a repayment plan but I'm not even sure my client will agree to it. It's going to have to have a stick attached to it where if you miss a payment, something automatically happens, that stick might be attaching a lien to one of your possessions, revoking your CDL, putting a strike on your credit score, or even incarceration. We are likely looking at asking for interest on this amount. Whatever balance is left must be paid out of your 2014 tax refund."
Ex-shat and his lawyer are clearly not happy about this 'stick.' But what choice do they have? His lawyer is in a shitty position and he knows it...he kind of fumblefucks around...not really committing to that. But my lawyer is absolutely adamant that this has to happen or we have no problem talking to a judge about it.
Last item on our list: Child support arrearage. My lawyer looks at this piece of shit and says, "We need to get some child support payments going here. We aren't going to have a firm number to ask for a garnishment with until we get the subpoenaed documents. However, you really need to start paying something as you back support amount is substantial."
At this point, ex-shat's L looks at him and says, "Yes, we need to get a number going here."
So we dick around about a number and we settle on a number. Ex-shat's L asks ex-shat, "Is that number going to be doable for you in your current situation?" and ex-shat says, "yeah, I'm pretty sure I can swing that."
His L looks at him and says, "There's no 'pretty sure.' Either that works or it doesn't. We don't want to tell them something and not be able to follow through."
Suddenly, I'm kinda liking ex-shat's L.
Ex-shat's says this is doable.
My L asks me if that is going to work. I say, "something is preferable to nothing."
So, we are done with our shit. Lawyer asks if there is anything else. Ex-shat says, "Well, yeah, I got something."
Oh Cheerist almighty.
He says, "I want to talk about the potential for me going on storm work and how that will affect getting make up time with Teslet. You see, in the event of hurricanes or some other such disaster, I'm considered a first responder and while I can turn down the work, I don't want to have to do that for fear that I won't get make-up time with Teslet...( )...You see I consider myself a public servant in this regard (yes, my dear SI peeps...I give you ex-shat: public servant, protector of the masses...fucking shoot me now, I want no part of that fucked up world). Tess knows. She remembers what that work was like and how it can take me away for weeks at a time...(and when he called me Tess, my nickname that only family fucking calls me, I nearly reached across the table, throttled him and screamed, "You call me TESLA, you piece of shit. You do not deserve to call me tess.")...I'd just like to know that she's going to be flexible."
Oy. Guess he needs some ego kibbles and a win to take the sting out of everything else. My L asks, "Well, what kind of time frame are we talking here?" And of course, he can't really answer that. So both my L and his L say, well, we can certainly cross that bridge when and if it comes. And then my lawyer, brilliant woman that she is, says, "Tesla is a very reasonable and flexible person. I'm sure, once we have an agreement established and some good will built up, this could potentially be on the table." She turned to me and I said, "I'd certainly be open to discussing it if during the summer Teslet could spend his time while you are working with me."
Now let's recap.
Bad news: Nothing in writing, no real deal signed, and no money. 
Good news: My lawyer took all that rope that we've been handing him, fashioned it into a beautiful noose and laid it on the table.
Make a choice, asshole. You gonna sign off or are we going to the judge? I think that subpoena is going to do the trick...also the loud barking my L was making about jailtime. If I was reading the vibe correctly, his L is going to reinforce this to ex-shat.
I'm so happy that the meeting was so well controlled.
He was nearly human during this four way. Apparently he cannot bear to have his public persona marred by who he truly is (thank you sage SI member for this valuable insight). At one point we locked eyes for 10 seconds. I have no fucking clue what he was thinking and I don't care. But I was thinking, this guy is still attractive but I feel NOTHING for him. I used to love his eyes and think they were so unique and special. I don't see anything there. No sparkle, no life, no soul.
I have been decompressing all day long.
Talked to Teslet tonight briefly. I can tell he's sad. He wants to come home. He misses me. I heard his dad in the background, tell mommy thank you for letting you come on the trip. Teslet said it, but I could tell he isn't sure about this trip. I told him he's going to have a great time and he can tell me all about it Monday morning.
[This message edited by tesla at 10:58 PM, June 20th (Friday)]
