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There's always the possibility one could have a stroke that would severely alter their personality and life choices. I've seen documentaries about it. So I suppose anyone could have brain damage and cheat.

alter their personality and life choices.

So I suppose anyone could have brain damage and cheat.

Exactlly, sassylee. One of my sisters had a very close friend. She was a God fearing, Lord loving, Bible reading, traditional, middle class, midwest soccer mom. We will call her Lil. Lil was in a horrible auto accident. She had head trauma. Was in a coma for a few weeks and when Lil came out of the coma was a completely different person. She wanted nothing to do with her husband or her children. Found a low life boyfriend. Lil walked away from her husband and children. Walked away from all her family and all her friends. Became a stripper. True story.

Yes, I story I saw was of a small business owner who treated his employees like family. Decades of mutual care and nurturing. Paid everyone based on profits and as a result, they all made more than anyone could expect in their field. Then he had a stroke. When he got out of the hospital, he reduced their wages to minimum wage, fired half of them and after decades of loving marriage to his wife, started beating her.

It was so sad because this was not who he was at his core before the stroke...yet that was who he was now.

Ethics and morals aside, I wouldn't want to wonder when this woman had sex with her SO. That's one piece of the A thing that just doesn't make sense to me. Profess love and devotion to another then send them home to their family. The spouse they interact with, cook for, celebrate holidays and other family time, sleep in the same bed, have sex, and tell them they love them. How fucked up do you have to be to knowingly share this person you claim to care for?

WW's last AP begged and begged and begged to see some of the videos WW and I had taken of ourselves over the last decade. That is unfathomable to me. Clearly most AP's don't ACTUALLY care for our WS. They just selfishly want whatever is in it for them. If they cared, they wouldn't want to think about them banging their SO... or watch videos of it.

Many AP's are incredibly twisted, unhealthy, broken people. And they are incredibly selfish.

I sincerely regret not telling his wife about it.

DevestatedDee, it's never too late.

I'd like to think I wouldn't have had the affair if OM had been married but I know better than to say for sure I wouldn't have.

Now, 8 years post-A? I can say for sure that I would never, will never, mess with another woman's man. Or cheat on my own again.

As a road warrior often staying at Marriotts and Hiltons, I considered cheating with colleagues or the prostitutes I met in bars. After all, who would know? I could probably even put any fees on my expense reports.

I didn't, because I figured I'd feel beyond indescribably awful. Awful.

I think I like sex only with plainsong, and as long as she's in the picture (and as long as I don;t experience a trauma that changes me), it's plainsong or no one.

[This message edited by sisoon at 11:29 AM, September 13th (Wednesday)]

I would feel like a deluded, sad loser who was so pathetic that I couldn't even find someone who was unattached to be with, and I would also be full of self-loathing for being such a horrible person.

Luckily I would never ever make the decision to do something so degrading and evil.

EDIT: I realize this applies to my WS. It makes me so sad that she could stoop to this level. She is a better person than that, but she made the choice to not be the better person, over and over again. Now she has to look in the mirror and see that staring back at her. I don't envy her that at all.

[This message edited by Idiotmcstupid at 11:47 AM, September 13th, 2017 (Wednesday)]

DevestatedDee, it's never too late.

You're right. I've spent a good deal of time in the past couple of months trying to remember his last name so I could find her. If I ever do figure out what it was, she WILL know.

I just don't get it. Why would you want to get into a relationship with a man who you know is a liar. From the very beginning you know that he is lying to someone who loves him very much. And you know that all you are os the side fun. It is so demeaning and nasty. You see him once a week at a gross by the hour hotel. And you believe that he loves you, and can't live without you. The AP has to have something wrong with them to settle for the disrespect.

I would never be an AP. Unwilling ones I would give the benefit of the doubt, but willing ones? There is something WRONG with your head and you are either pathological or just a plain POS. Either way, you need help.

Sloppy Seconds?

No, thanks.

WW's last AP begged and begged and begged to see some of the videos WW and I had taken of ourselves over the last decade.

At first I thought you meant family videos, like kids birthdays n stuff. But do I understand you to mean he wanted to see your DIY porn? Both those notions are disturbing, in different ways.

I can't imagine myself ever going down that road, at this point in my life. When I was younger, maybe.

But if I was an AP (assuming I was single at the time) ......I guess how I would feel would depend a lot on the situation. Say I was still in the Army, and I was seeing someone who was stationed far away from his family, and I knew this was just a temporary arrangement. Before my husband's affair, I could have justified that. Easily. Not knowing the pain and misery it could potentially cause someone, I could have told myself "what she does not know won't hurt her."

If I was looking for a long-term relationship, or if the AP was going home to his wife, I can't see myself getting involved in such a mess. I mean. who wants the hassle? If I did allow myself to get drawn into that kind of affair, I don't think it would last. The stress of lying and the uncertainty would get to me.